Anger and PTSD… they like to dance…edited

Figuring out why I had anger outbursts, helped me to change the brain chemical reaction so that, when the same kind of circumstances presented them self to me, I didn’t go ballistic… also, recognizing I am a human… who needs to eat and food and I are not the best of friends… not because of anything that I did to get rid of food, no, it goes back to the first severe beating when I got all the blunt force trauma and she actually damaged internal organs… thus the autonomic and peripheral neuropathy….5 years old at that moment in time….

I also used too… mind you… used too… beat myself up if I got angry… and when I quit doing that, I worked to figure out the trigger for the anger and confronted the issue and once I resolved it to my liking, the next time a similar situation came around, the reaction was a 360…

Does it always work… Wow, for me, with so many brain injuries and with the memories coming back and remembering when I sustained the injuries… I doubt I will never not go off, only because…. I have multiple brain injuries and they altered who I am and no matter how much I fight against the physical change to my brain… I have to accept, this is who I am now and I can either work to make the out bursts less intrusive into my life or I can give up… and since I have fought for every breath on this planet… eh… giving up, not in the picture… so continue to work at it I will… no other choice… yet I have been doing this since I was 5 years old and the first brutal beating… big time sigh….

I know evolving is happening and find myself enjoying one of my science programs or busy working on something else… I am enjoying, what little I can see… damn cataract and VA!!!

So yep, anger is still there, but directed where it should be… our government and it’s failure to keep its promises… ya figure if they screw the natives and Hawaiians and crap on the Puerto Ricans… and now they shit on veterans… 

Sounds a lot like the Jehovah witness got into our government and we became invisible…at the rate Trump is going… the war he is leading us too, we are not prepared and the death of so many in training is proof of that…

I lived the cold war, I worked the job where the KGB was active and met them personally… I really do not want to go back to those days…. bad enough living with the nightmares of my past… but to know our future could be so jeopardize by one crazy stupid son of a bitch, scares the hell out of me…. and we can thank christians for this mess… when have they ever not caused wars????

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell because who would listen???

I Remember… Margie, who had no one to tell…. she was a christian an christians are the ones who hurt her….