PTSD and the search for sleep….edited

One night it’s good, the next, I am up and down because of repressed memories coming forward… Ya know, I kind of wish it would just all open up at once like Pandora’s box… hope springs eternal…

Best I can figure, a memory is opening up… sigh… so over all this… honest I am… and I get why people go the way of suicide… it’s a lot to take in and digest and wrap your head around… almost all of that I can do… it’s wrapping my head around all the abuse christians inflicted on their own child, just to keep a secret that never was… Honest you can not fix stupid… you just can’t… thus why I want acreage and dig a moat around it… peeps are bat shit crazy… when it comes to reality and religion…

Don’t think I wrote about HGH and what happened when I took it from Sept 2016 to Aug 2017… well my thyroid started reversing course and the dosage of the drug from hell Levothyroxine was being reduced to the point, I was 2 dosages from getting off the drug via the doctor… Instead the over dosing nearly did me under and I quit on my own and that was Jan 16, 2019… and no issues for not taking the drug from hell… see from Aug 2018 to Jan 2019 blog, it was one fun ride of being over medicated…

But…. back to the HGH… it was on sale at Costco and I got enough for a 80 day supply… and I intend to get blood work done before that 80 days is up to see if the thyroid number comes down from the 47 it was at just a couple of weeks ago… if so, then my theory about the amino acid and my brain injuries prove out and it just shows the HGH does work for someone with my situation… Science to back the injections, but none to back the pill form, except for people like me, who do pure experiments… it’s the 4 hours of not eating that gets me… I like to munch sometimes… so time will tell on this experiment…

As for the physical pain, other than the exercises, which make me sore daily… normal pain, nothing I can’t deal with, since I been dealing with it for 60 years anyway….

Sleep interrupted…. yes, but I think productive…

Depression… now that ugly little gremlin has tried to rear its ugly head and it got me for a few minutes and it passed… so I got to say the Levothyroxine has been my depression instigator for the last 27 years….

As for the traumatic brain injuries with depression, I can tell when they happen and it will trigger a little insomnia, which I address with a nice large pipe of pot and crawl back into bed to sleep…. no weepy eye, no emotional outbursts, in fact… I am now ignoring the bangers… but I have more weed to smoke than we can, so…. lol look at it any way you want… we leave in less than 5 weeks, peeps are not bugging me….

I have noticed every day memories popping up from childhood and I can see as the parents manipulated, how the kids capitulated to the corrupt life of christianity… sigh… so sad to see those you love be brain washed by religion… 

Music playing in the background, stuff scattered every place, a mild amount of chaos, but happy chaos… we will be homeless in a few weeks… and on to our next adventure and me… I will be seeking more answers…. Texas is on our trip next year…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell, because you do not understand the word NO!!!

I Remember… Margie… who loved to play, until she was 13….

Sgt. USAF DAV

the HGH is SeroVital…nothing to back it up, because last I looked no human studies with the pill form… the injections have been around since the 50’s in research an trial in the 60’s…Hollywood has used this for decades to stay young an viral…I use it to see if it helps with the brain injuries… not to stay young…πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚