Rant over, true story of motherhood for me…

When I found out I was pregnant, after the rape… I knew abortion was not an option… only because I had so much chaos and conflict in what I really believed and what I really thought… So I was resigned to having a child, when one had not been planned…

I never got why I didn’t have the maternal instincts that they write about… I never understood why I had so little patience, or at least what I considered a lack of… I never got why I went out of my way to make sure my kids had all they desired or wanted, if I could afford it… and that included the wayward kids they brought home with them….

It wasn’t until I moved to Arkansas in 2003 and my brain started working in over drive trying to understand the dynamics of the family I was born into… In 2003, was when I truly started waking up…

That was when I told Mike, I may never be able to love him that way he wants, and I didn’t know at that time I had a stroke at 13 years of age and multiple TBI’s and TIA’s…

But my instincts did… I just wasn’t aware, yet… by 2010, I knew I was missing memory and that my parents were the cause of the damage…

It wasn’t until we moved to Hawaii and a doctor finally listened to me and by Dec 26, 2018, I had my proof of a stroke and TIA… my memories were correct and the section of my brain that is damaged…. deals with emotion… and much more…

So when someone calls me a cold bitch, I knew even decades ago, they had no right, nor clue…

My disability has always been invisible… people judge me on my looks and behavior, because they have a desire to dislike or hate me and that is something I have always walked with… Either you will like me and want to know me in a heart beat… right or left… always about choice… or you will envy and hate…

I guess that is why I analyze, tear apart and look at each person as an individual and let themselves set themselves up for failure… I just observe and watch… and yet somehow or some way… I will get blamed for their failure …………………..I give up on the sighs… 

I was born old, because of the damage to my brain from such an early age…. That is why it is so easy for me to walk away from toxic relationships, even if it’s blood… life is too short to put up with any body elses bull shit…

True Story…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell, what difference would it have made???

I Remember… Margie, who asked for help and was thrown under the bus by christians…

Sgt. USAF DAV