Humility lesson….

Nothing new with that… I try an learn from my own bigotry and hate or dislike of many things in life… real or imagined….

Before I got my memories back, paranoia was my number one companion and fight or flight….

Since getting my memories back over the last 20 months, it has been humbling in some aspects… Wake up call in other aspects and this recent event was a wake up call…

The guy, our neighbor, I ragged about… we do not go out of our way to make friends… isolation here has been helpful and healing, so most won’t get why I don’t bother to make friends, you would have to read the blog… all of it and be smart enough to get the psychology part of it….

That being said… Mike our neighbor, worked his ass off for us and the job, was hard… and I have bought and sold 5 homes in the last 30 years… and been screwed by more than one contractor, to the tune of about $15,000 for all the homes…

Mike is philippino and if you never talked to one, oh my goodness can they talk faster than me, when my PTSD motor mouth is in action, so communication is always hit or miss, when english is involved…

When it was all said and done, I paid him more than he asked, because I thought he earned it… and though he was friendly and sweet and taught us so much… making friends is not on the menu or schedule… but if we lived here longer, I could see us being friends and for me to say that, means you earned my respect….

Suspicion will stick around until I have resolved all my memories and settle the PTSD issue… As long as I am aware of my actions and behavior and work to correct the thought process that causes the doubt and conflict, life will be a little more easy for me socially…

Personally, it will always be a conflict, because I remember everything everyone does or says, even if they forget their cruel behavior to me… does not mean I am able too…. and that will always keep that wall for ever in place…. it is what helped me survive all the rest they did….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….