The loss of sensation is spreading…. edited…

It’s ironic… I remember looking at Freda’s pictures and came across one of me at about 6 months old and it was the only time I was smiling and had any fat on my bones….

This picture taken around 15 months old, already shows the mind set of the toddler, who had already experienced abuse…

When our company was here early this year in March, we went zip lining and her comment stuck… about my expression and I had never done zip lines before… but she said I looked so serious…. same look I have in this picture as a toddler….

Does that mean anything… guess you would have to read psychology to get this point or have experienced it yourself….

Once children are traumatized and they have NO ONE TO TURN TOO… i. e. those migrant kids Trump and his religious base are destroying… the trauma stays with you forever…. and it will mold the person you become, as well as the outside influences they and I was exposed to… so it does come down to choice, but it also comes down to intelligence…. and that is the only thing that kept me alive…not all have that, and we are the cause of these victims becoming what we made them, because of fear and bigotry….. religion has never NOT BEEN THE CAUSE OF SUFFERING…. only the ill educated believe other wise…

Mental illness more pervasive than you can possibly imagine, but maybe you can if you live in the here and now….

I told Mike last night, I hated my picture taken and I hated being on TV and I had no problem turning down a job modeling when I was young…. attention was the last thing I wanted… but not according to the birth family…. I mean come on, if I lived the life they think I lived… we would not be doing this exercise right now… reality, not fantasy kiddos…

Every trauma the Bagwells and Coopers put me through had a lasting impact on how I turned out as a person…. as well as what I walked through in life and participated in… and each lesson, I tried not to repeat… though you would think after 5 marriages I would have quit, but Liz Taylor was still ahead of me, I think she beat me… I quit at 6…

Perfection, this human will never be, issues, yep more than likely, they will always be with me, because of what 2 christian adults did to my brain and I had no control over the abuse or stroke or near death or subsequent TIA’s at their hands…. but….

I do have control now…. and silence from the birth family is affirmation that my story is true and they are terrified of what I remember and I chuckle as all those memories go flying by in fast forward motion… so pathetically sad….

The journey may never be over for me and I have to reconcile that fact in my brain, that this issue may always take up a little of my day or night, but it will never consume my life like it did, before….I remembered…. now it’s about getting the evidence together, isolating myself a couple hours every day and write…..

We are ready to push the house and get it sold…. If my eye surgery happens before we move, great, if not… it will be addressed after we get home, but Mike may have to learn to cook by that time, there are times, when it’s just a wad of cotton in my vision… so I truly appreciate those that have permanent vision loss….

Our 4th is wet thanks to Barbara heading our way, thankful that it will be a tropical low when it gets here… rain, always needed…. makes everything grow and just turns the area into variety of colors and sounds…. no fireworks like last year, but the day is early….

Have a safe a fun 4th and don’t let people who politic the hell out of the day ruin it…. this day is for all Americans and all those who believe we as humans have rights and not the religion of the delusional, and this day is not just for Trump and his base of corrupt religions….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….