Last night was interesting and I really did not like the direction my brain went, but the realization of what the trigger was made me ponder, how long can we both tolerate that???
Yesterday Mike intruded into my space and I went off on him… Bored out of my mind, all my craft stuff packed, all my research stuff packed and unable to spend to long on the PC because of the neuropathy… so taking care of my space, the household is all I got and this little bit of writing, when I don’t have to fight to get into the web site…..
My going off on Mike put me through many different psychological exercises… and depression tried very hard to put it’s toe in the game and I told it to take a hike and it did…
I knew as we climbed into bed, sleep would be little if any at all, so I took a muscle relaxer, because my facial muscles were locking and it was getting painful and kept the sleep at bay…. So I had a couple hours in bed and did a lot of thinking, basically I meditated into the zone that I don’t like visiting… the Past…..
When the memory of the violent beating hit my minds eye… I had to get out of bed… sleep didn’t come till around 2AM and only for 3 1/2 hours…. but I woke knowing I had remembered Webb AFB and Big Springs, Texas….. Most of all I got a flash of the actual beating I was given when Don Bagwell went psycho, except this time, he lost control and killed one of his kids…
When I told Freda about how she behaved when her mother died in June of 1968, which was the time my brain was waking up from it’s stroke and TIA damage, given to me by Don & Freda… her expression of fear was palpital….
Do you know in the state of Texas there is no moritorium on 2nd degree assault, which mine was classified as… and I could have Freda put in jail if I decided to get the case re-opened….. hope that puts a little fear in the bully… If I died suddenly, Mike would pursue charges and restitution… so family, beware… you might want to finish spending all that money Freda got, because of me….. yep still a little angry….
The neurologist I saw this year said, after he looked at my MRI, there was no definite reason why I would NOT remember what happened in Big Springs, Texas…. and he was right…. last night proved that… and it was chilling….
My brain went in another direction after it saw the assault, it wouldn’t let me see any more and a hour later I was putting a DVD in the machine to fall asleep too… get my mind off the memory and the pill I took, between the two, I feel asleep for a few hours…. but woke knowing….
I had remembered… and the family just might want to get real worried…..
TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell
Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…