Though one shrink thought I had the Edetic ability, I never knew that there could be so many levels, forms or memory making process’s….. the brain, best toy evolution ever gave us… if you know boredom, well, you obviously do not know your brain….
I knew around the age of 8 that I was different, and the boob incident and subsequent beating happened… posted the pic enough times, those that read, know where the bruises are on that little body…. the eyes of suicide… same eyes look back at me now… always haunted….
The struggle of the repressed memories is at times over whelming, insurmountable mountain of tedious thoughts and digestion and acceptance and moving forward and fighting not to go back and there in lies the conumdrum of repressed memories… I had learned by the time I was 14 after that beating and stroke….
I forced myself to bury the memories, just so I could cope with the fight or flight mechanism that was in psychological overdrive…. no child should live this way, but christians are forcing thousands of migrant children to suffer, only because they are tormented with their own heinous crimes against humanity… their partner or child…. wow………………….
I force the memory back into hiding on many occasions over the last few months and lately, I have stopped myself from going their anymore… instead I welcome the glimpse into the horror called a christian home…..
The neurologist told me that there was no physical evidence that would keep me from getting all my memories back… and this edetic memory thing I have, makes me a tad nervous, only because I know how detailed orientated I am… hubby can vouch for that…..
There are days I don’t want to pursue the story any further, I want it to drift back into the recess’ of my mind… and a memory will float by… at times with sound…
the brain, best toy I ever had as a child… it is what kept me alive during that horror and it is helping me through this journey of psychology and neurology…. as for the physical aspect… that is a journey unto itself… because of the physical beatings 2 adults gave a child for 17 years….
The struggle is real, but I have an insatiable curiousity that wants to know it all and some day, I will….. Remember….
TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell
Sgt. USAF DAV I remember… Margie….