Resistance is Futile….

I used to love star trek, star wars… anything fantasy and space… an escape from the reality of the non stop battle in my brain… trying to remember….

When you are self aware, your senses are heightened and in my case in overdrive… but uniqueness is not it… it’s just paying attention to all that goes on around you and the majority of humans get overwhelmed with their own lives, let alone dealing with other peoples issues…. thus the conumdrum…

Resistance is Futile…..

We all have demons and secrets… some of us turn to a god or superstition or brain washing to cope with what ever demon they have… be it crimes against humanity or just guilt over lusting after another human… we all have demons… Self doubt, self deprication, self harm….. the key word is self…

Not sure what direction life will go right now… for me the choice is easy for someone else… not so much…

For me, experiencing the fight or flight again last night, was not a welcomed intrusion into my world… but it was very insightful… and though I did not sleep great, which is the norm… I still went to sleep and did not worry about the angusih someone else was causing by their own issues… so I offered options…

Either they take the lead and pursue options or we will be back at square one, like last night and that is not a lifestye I am willing to go back to… it would give power back over to the people who abused me… christians…

So what do you do… for me it’s wait and watch… and get ready…

I have worked hard the last 16 years to re-establish my credit and ability to do as I like in life and no one, not even hubby, will put that at risk…

Emotional support, love, yada, yada, yada… is just that… and religion has made it into more than it really is, because we never truly know our partners… last night was a prime example of that… just like I no more can predict the choices my kids will make… psychic ability is for the comic books…

In a way, you could say my brain is emotionally shut down or is that the right comparison… maybe it’s more like, I feel good in my own skin… I feel good about who I am as a person and I feel good about life… I am just realistic… it takes money and good credit, to have a decent life and I have been down the poverty road before…..

No clue what will come next, but I surprised myself with going to sleep and not worrying over the demons another person is dealing with, except in watching my back… humans are human and are capable of great good and harm… always about choice… Always…

Eye surgery for first eye scheduled in Aug… the next eye in Oct… and from what they told me after tests yesterday… I just need the distance lens and it’s only going to cost me the 20% medicare does not cover and I expect to be a few grand out of pocket when all the bills come in… but at least I will be able to see those bills….

So far the VA has approved all dental work… now just waiting on implant approval… looks like all the teeth missing are being replaced with implants and I had to do some reading and holy cow it takes time… up to a year… only if you need bone grafts and the surgeon said I had enough bone when he saw me a couple weeks ago, so hoping my time frame is more along 6 to 9 months, start to finish… should hear next month if they approved them…

The demonstrations on the mountain will have a financial impact on everyone on this island…. and that will mean a hit to housing sales… we are seeing lots of rentals, which is rare for this island… got a feeling Hawaii may be home for another year… but if implants approved, off market we plan, and back on market after the dental is finished or just before….

My brain is at peace, because I feel secure in my own skin… you have no idea how long that has taken me… 60 years ago I was beaten severely at the age of 5 and she started running….. I have been fighting for Margie ever since…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I remember… Margie…