Secrets are never…. Secret…

I have had flash’s of my pre school years… just a flash of a scene… something I am not familiar with, so it’s new to me, push me into mental trauma seems to help trigger memories… oh joy… NOT!!!..

I learned by the age of 5, people think secrets are secret… and between you and me and that fence posts, that post has more common sense…. Secrets are never secret… Think about it….

I have known since I met Mike over 25 years ago… he had a dark secret… I did ask if he had murdered or raped anyone and he said no… so what ever secret he has… it’s not an extra kid out there… nope this is something he did and has …. wait for it….

Regrets….

When you live with regret… you are likely suffering from some kind of morality issue, which may explain why he went the way of Jehova witness when he was younger… what the hell, I was baptist… its just a label some people need, my time has come and gone…

I dumped my labels when I watched Don die and what the christians did to keep me out… I saw it for what it was, a cover for all the horrific crimes they committed against humanity… and one little human is me…

What ever demon is haunting Mike, he will have to come to terms with it… after 25 years and you don’t feel comfortable telling me… well, off to see a perfect stranger who has a mental health degree or divorce… he chose mental health…

I said before I don’t live with regrets… that is a religious head fake and I’ll pass on that sickness…

I have made more than my fair share of mistakes, but without those mistakes, I would not have grown… and the religious quit growing the minute they swear loyalty to a man made god and that is a proven fact… love neurologial knowledge….

What transpires from here on out, won’t be in writing… it will show up there if I take action…

This time on the merry go round… I am in charge… I will never give over my happiness, my contentment or my self esteem because of another human being… This time around…. either get on board and get the help needed…. or don’t let the door hit you on the way out… again it’s always about one little word….

Choices…

I made a concious choice a long time ago to live as honest a life I could, living on my terms and not those who think they have a say in my life… guess slavery is not really dead after all, but in my house it is no more… my kids have learned this lesson very brutally… as long as they stay out of prison… I hope their lives are what they worked for….

On a final note… the PTSD seems to have really left the building… last nights uproar would have sent me in a tailspin that would not have turned out well for anyone… Instead, there were no tears, no screaming… just the words, “at least now I know what you really think of me”, and I went to bed…

I gave him his voice or options, it was up to him to use it… he used it this morning… amazing what getting your memories back and throwing the demons of PTSD out the door and just maybe someday it will be permanent………

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…