Woes is me… yep we all do it…

Messing around after dinner, trying to teach my old dogs how to howl and I started off with the chant, Woes is me, in a very high annoying loud voice… Baby girl got so excited she jumped into my lap trying to calm me down… Big boy, just kept pacing, looking at me a little concerned… my game of Woes is me… got their attention, only because of the noise and sounds, making it come across as I needed help…

They never did howl….

What’s my point, not one really… I learned a very long time ago, feeling sorry for myself, just allowed my mental health to go in the toilet…

I was put down from the time I was able to make memories and she is still putting me down… until she needs my help again…

Choice… I choose not to be anyone’s puppet, that being said… I don’t work anymore, so I have endless options… not so, when part of the working world….

I walked away from a good government job, that would have given me another retirement income and I didn’t have that many years left, to get there… but…

I couldn’t take the corruption in the federal agency I worked for… the USDA… so I one day walked off the job and never looked back and the “Woes is me” attitude disappeared… I finally quit the feds after starting with them in 71… I walked off the job in 96…

I didn’t have much other income, just my VA, which at the time was only 60%… it would be 80% in 2 years after that and 100% permanent service connected by 2004… along with getting my social security disability, which is permanent now also…

I didn’t let the world drag me down to it’s level and I didn’t let the world look through me… I made them look at me… I loved showing my supervior and his boss up one day about regulations… I was right, they were both wrong… so much for college educated…

Brain injuries will never make the world go round… by 97 I was bored and went to work for a Real Estate Broker and learned even more about real estate, she became one of my good friends and visited us here on Hawaii… I got bored, so I got a job, I wanted to do, not one I knew how to do… wanted to do… and I learned and I got frustrated and I learned…

Again, my time was my own, I had no other outside interests or distractions… I was able to give all for a job….

When I knew the mental capacity was no longer there, that is when I fought the VA and SS for my rights… how little did I know that would push me in directions I had no clue I would end up and what a ride it has been….

There are a great many things I USED to want to do and accomplish… as my husband is learning with the deforming rheumatoid arthritis he lives with, you adapt or you become invisble, because you chose your world over the real world… that is what brain injury does to us…

Depression has not been around, even with the shootings in our old hometown area… I have no control over anyone or anything but myself, including my own happiness and course in life… and so far, I’m not bitching…. much… okay a little… it’s hot and beyond wet muggy…

If I have learned nothing else in finding Margie and setting her free… Brain injury recovery is a life long task and no one, not mom & dad, bro & sis, or partner, will ever understand the nightmare you live and will always live…

I think that is why I fought so hard to find Margie, so that my mind could be free of this one issue…

Remembering and by doing so, reliving every nightmare so that I can put it to rest…

How you choose to live life with a brain injury, is an individual choice…

Either participate in life or isolate…

I did the isolate…

I am ready to participate… always comes down to one thing…

Choice….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…