PTSD, are you still here???

Subtle changes??? or different choices???

PTSD, once I learned I had it, and in the blog I mention that Rubio in 98 supposedly informed me over the phone… I have no memory of that, but I have a memory of a phone conversation with the doctor…. so who know’s what my state of mind was… we were still into drinking… damn, we could have paid off our home, with all our partying…. don’t miss it either… the partying…so PTSD, 2011 after a VA Appeal, the evaluation said PTSD and above average intelligence… I would put a laughing emoji… more of a smart ass, but Intelligent it is….

I am dreaming at night, but only just… not much of a view or thought of what I saw… no nightmares… no cranky mornings… in fact… when the rooster started it’s routine, I rolled over and went back to sleep… that is progress…. granted only a few more minutes… It’s like hitting the snooze on the alarm clock, which I wish was a rooster… wow, it’s been over 20 years since I did that routine, snooze alarm not strangle rooster…… I miss working though….

I can’t complain, not mentally… I find myself easily distracted by life it self and not so much the past… smells, sounds, objects, words… can trigger a memory… and those that have come forward… again, nothing new I haven’t always been aware of… just a memory that came out for airing….

Neurology needs to be involved… just because they recommend drugs, doesn’t mean I have to agree… so no meds for me, but more information about what and where and how it is triggered… this abnormal brain wave… I’m all for that….

Sleep is happening… all depends upon if I pig out on a munch before bed… or if I stick to the routine, nothing after 6PM, so I can sleep… just depends how good the pot is and that is a fact….there for a while, it was munch city, now it’s back to once in a while…. kind of hard to chew with your front teeth only, so after dinner, those painful partials come out and lately, munching has halted after that moment in time daily… which explains why the weight is coming off again… and blood work nixed my soft diet of choice… this is so not fun… do-able… but not fun….

Planning our holidays, what we plan to have sent as gifts that were raved over the last couple of years… Big Island Candies… oh my do they make wicked good stuff… and those kids that have contact with us, feeling them out… and we are trying to decide if we want to donate to several or adopt a family… so working on my budget….

Feds lowered the rate again and talking of doing it again before end of year… I thought 2008 to 2016 was rough… that was a cake walk to what is coming… it will make it a real estate buyers market… our house just became more affordable… payment would be with good credit, tax’s and insurance, cause you got to have hurricane coverage, plus mortgage… you would be looking at $1300 to $1500 that is zero down, like a VA or FHA or RECD loan… dependent upon your credit tier…

Told Mike, seriously thinking of buying a place back home, next year, that is more about the land, than the house… I can use my VA to buy a second home, did it when we moved here… had one in New Mexico and bought a 2nd house under VA on Hawaii… so if you didn’t know that… you can do it, but there has to be some distance between homes… Hawaii, New Mexico.. yep, plenty of distance….

Cloudy outside, quiet, for once… bangers have been bad, and that is because of them coming off the mountain… which they are now threatening officials… no longer a peaceful protest… this is terrorism and not about Hawaiians and sacred land….

So much rain, everything so green and growing so fast… my Haas avacado tree, the 3 year old, is about ready to drop it’s fruit… yum… we have a dozen pineapple plants, no fruit yet, we ate the last 3…. grapefruit and orange tree are producing and we should get to try those this year…. so not bad for only 3 years.. now into our 4th on Hawaii… this lot was bare when we bought it… now it’s a jungle….

Have a beautiful day….. and thanks for laughing along with me… never enough laughter in the world….

I Remember…. Margie….