Keeping myself honest….

The nightmares of violence, have always been with me…

My christian home I was raised in, was anything but nice… in fact, I honestly can not tell you of kindness in that house, ever….

When I sought out mental health in the military, my son had been raped and the gossip was rampant, to destroy me… to protect the 1st Sgt., who’s son raped my child….

I knew when I sought out mental health, it could be a closed society and it would be there to protect the image of the military or it was there to help the patient… It was there to protect the military… and the Air Force failed once again to do what is right…

When I got ganged raped… I didn’t bother with mental health… no those officers went on to have careers… but the damage was done…

Protect Vance AFB at all costs and my career was over….

It is ironic… my husband of 25 years will tell you, sex and I…. never been a fan of each other… why???

Traumatic brain injury as indicated on the MRI 12/26/2018….. that section of my brain is injured and has been since I was 13 years old… so I didn’t go looking for sex… but men had no problem taking it….

As for keeping myself honest…. I watch as christians continue to cry foul as they destroy lives via addiction, suicide or just flat out bad counseling…. by nut bags that believe a god exist…. and I know, they at one time had influence on me…. and I remind myself of that on a daily basis as well as the bigotry they promote….

Can I say with 100% certainty that I am having no depression…. Nope…

I am smoking pot… and even though we buy the kind that does not cause depression, just impacts our pain…. I have to keep in mind, pot is a depressive substance and is that what I am feeling??? or is it depression???

The only way for me to make it to the end of this road… keep myself honest about what I am experiencing and how it truly is impacting my psyche and over all well being…

Honest, if I was depressed, I would be ranting off the wall about the VA…. I am a prisoner of my home… Speech is difficult and slurred, so talking, not much of that happening and as far as eating goes…. that is a day to day nightmare and has been for over a year…. VA health care at its best….

But I’m not losing sleep over it, it does not have control… IT is just along for the ride, waiting for that golden opportunity to knock me on my ass…. ya know like waiting for the other shoe to drop……

Changing my attitude when I hit the floor every morning, sets the tone for the whole day…

not letting chrisitians and Trump have a say about my life… they are exposing themselves and their corruption….

Hopefully Americans are smarter than they act…hope springs eternal…..

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….