Ooops, PTSD & Amnesia….

What I had planned to write, got side tracked…

I knew when I flunked the test to go in the military at 18, something was off… other moments in time, a comment here, and interjection there…. so many clues along the way helped… but the one that got my attention, the excuse the Air Force used to push me out, when they wanted the rape and attempted murder of my kids to go away….. the psych eval said “Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder”… it’s on my DD214… an a few years later, 2 psych evals by the VA… say PTSD…. so we know the Air Force one, was an incompetent evaluation… because the PTSD had been going on since I was a child….

The clues, were how mental health would respond to questions that were so complicated, it told me they had no clue about mental health and my hate and disgust for the field grew… not all are like that… there are some good ones in mental health… but few an far between…..

Questions asked of Freda & Peggy and how similar their lies were… another clue… an when my older brother showed up in Seattle after not seeing each other since the night I died… his subversive behavior told me he was protecting Freda… oh she is good… the master manipulator was so good… now you get why I could see what the Air Force did in plain sight and all I could do… fight for VA and prove I should have been medically discharged… kind of glad I wasn’t… the income would have cost us more than it would be worth… my way was better…. but that DD214 needs changing and it will never be…

PTSD and learning psychology these last 40 years… and Freda denying me information… that is what told me I was truly missing memory… the shrink at El Paso saying I had this edetic memory thing, I think he was close… I think it’s the unique way I make memories… but it’s just my brain, what do I know……

The anger part of this journey, will never be fully closed… to give it up and forgive, is to let them win with their bullshit religious crap and not hold them accountable… We enable each other so much, we don’t hold each other accountable…..

Not so in my world… Reality over what you want it to be, but the reality of what it is….

PTSD… the depression part is gone… been through enough crap the last few months to trigger a major depression and it’s not happening… and it’s because of the amnesia…

My fathers death was anything but good, he died with a bunch of kids bickering over the sex of angels and them wanting to deny him pain meds, because he could get addicted as he’s dying??? Insanity at it’s best… I left and never looked back… and hopefully now that Freda knows I remember…

I won’t be any place near, when her time comes… if life is good… she will pay at lifes hands… not mine….

So yep, the PTSD has helped with the amnesia and doubt… Still need to see neurology, thinking more tests are in order… but I also need to back off the pot, my brain might think a little different, well maybe, okay kind of… nope… it won’t change anything except how fast I type….

I Remember… Margie….