Living between 2 worlds….

Out walking our mile in beautiful Hawaii and I got to thinking of how I had been living the last 50 years before I got my memories back on 11/7/17…. in a different world than what I am living in now….

Amnesia caused by traumatic brain injury is what many troops who have head trauma will deal with… and it’s a living, walking nightmare… because you know of what it was like before the head trauma and now you have to live with the head truama…

Only 1 little problem with that scenario…. I was never told I suffered head trauma at 13 years old… the Air Force covered it up, to protect the reputation of the military and in the process sacrificed my life for that reputation….

When I tried to get records from the government… they were sealed… it will take a court order to get them… and that is something that I may do down the road… right now… it’s about how much of my past can I recover from the dark abyss of the brain….

Neurology told me, there was no physical reason they could see, per the MRI & MRA that would preclude me from remembering…. yet….

9 months is missing from my memories that this edetic brain kept locked away for safe keeping….

The birth of my half sister, conceived while dad was in Vietnam…. she was born and I died…..

Freda knows what happened and isn’t talking… the woman is living and aware… yet she changed her phone number and I have no physical address… not a issue, if you know how to get info on people and you got it… I pay for that subscription, so I can track people down… did that on a ex…you really have to know how to stay hidden in America….lil bro isn’t that smart to keep her that private…..

Her not talking, allows my brain to accept the memories as they come in for what they are… facts…. and any story she or Peggy told… gets trashed…. because just like the stories in the bible… so too are the stories Freda & Peggy told… just stories, with no value, except to the story teller….

Before the memories started coming back, I was in a twilight world… walking thru life, sometimes participating, but mostly watching….

Now that I have regained my past…. it’s starting to stay there…. just one little gray area is being worked now….. those 9 months in Texas, after I died…..

I have remembered the rest and now those memories are settling in for what they were always meant to be… part of my past and a reminder, if I had remembered… Tiny wouldn’t have any of my property now… just that simple and Freda would never had used that money for the house, but on my kids……

PTSD has lost it’s hold, I would imagine, testing would verify that… but sitting down for a hour long psych test… I’ll pass….. it’s the fact that what I am going thru now has not negatively impacted me in anyway… except, disappointed I won’t be seeing the brats as soon as I would like… and not real sure we want company as I go thru these procedures over the next year plus…..

The writing has lost some interest for me… the abuse of the chrisitans in America in silencing anyone who doesn’t buy into the man made god… is sad, but it’s gone on for centuries… look at the catholics, the worse at exterminating the truth and abusing the religion…. a multi billion dollar business is in no way a religion…… it’s a cult… look up the definition…besides, christians… it’s about staying humble and helping others… not by what I see today… you people take and never own your lives… it’s always someone elses fault…..

The day is cool, cloudy, lots of rain off and on…. back sore from bending over and unpacking so much yesterday…. house is starting to look like a home, with our personal stuff, sitting out and about….

Feel pressure in the right eye… doubt if that is a good sign, since he commented on it being there, during post op… catching a break from what christians did to my body as a child, just doesn’t seem to be in the cards….

thanks christians, never a kind word will pass my lips, because of the brain injury you gave me……… you are getting what you wanted, just not exactly the way you wanted….

I remember… Margie…..