Soul is so very weary…..

Soul, ID…. heart, mind…. we all have an opinion on those subjects….

Nov 7, 2017…. I remembered the night I died….

That day, CNN had been going on about the Southerland Springs, Texas murders…. and my mind drifted to Big Springs, Texas 1967……… when I lost time…

Time I confronted Freda about in 2010 and she said…”Some things are best not remembered”…. we, mother and daughter, have no contact now… she threw this daughter under the bus to keep a secret that never was….

The body, it is always weary and as I get older, it is harder to push it to do more… I drop things more often… I stumble often, add a little blindness to that… don’t be around me when I am holding a sharp object… hubby usually takes those from me…

I try and keep the mind on the positive side of life, even with all I have been through and all that I have been denied… I know life goes on and my attitude makes or breaks the day…. one of my many gifts… being aware….

I won’t let the mind drift to, If I had not worn the uniform, yada, yada, yawn…. not productive and very self absorbing… never been into that….

I told hubby, I vented… it will take a few days for the trauma of yesterday to pass… and I will have to put on the brave face and be the adult, even with my condition…. always look healthy I have… always… yet so broken, some is beyond repair…..

Yet my soul feels drained… the culmination of fighting for the dental care and now they have started or at least the pretense of starting… a denture I can’t tolerate and a house that will feel more like a jail as time goes by…..

I look around… I am comfortable… we have no pictures on the wall, just our furniture and stuff on the shelves.. mostly movies and stuff… pictures have been tucked in the closet for a few years…. so I ordered the parts I needed, and making this a home may help this old soul….. years, this will take a couple of years…. so ready to go home… it does feel like being active duty… can’t leave or risk, not getting the care…………………………………………………..

Positive side of this…. it’s there… the mind is cloudy from yesterday… the shock that the VA was actually finally doing something about the mess they created, again!!! and seeing the human side of the young doctor trying to help me… doesn’t excuse rude unprofessional behavior… but I get it…. I did the job too……

Hubby will deal with phone if they call and just let them know, we need a few days seperation… have a nice weekend and give her an appt for next week…. attitudes change, when you get some down time…..

I get to do shopping, get these roots out and just chill for our Veterans holiday… hubby will be installing new hinges on the cabinets to make them soft close…. and me… I’ll be sore from 2 more root extractions….

Oh yea….

Enough rant for the day…. sometimes writing is just good for the soul…..

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….