A Thought… is just a Chemical Reaction….

Early on, in trying to understand why I didn’t remember my childhood, I already knew how to take a bad thought and change it or dump it….

I think for me, that is why suicide was never on the plate…. I had already died at 13… lost 9 months of my life and my childhood evaporated into 50+ years of amnesia….. and counting….

Every time I fought the depression, I had to take the negative thought and turn it into a positive… if I didn’t, the dark side would win and I couldn’t have that… it had already been visited once before…. death is darkness… nothing else…

My head hurts, as does my mouth… eating is a chore into a road trip to hell… so it was soft beans and ice cream for dinner an no way am I preggers….though a pickle sounds good right now……

And the negative thoughts come rushing back in asking… WHY????

I blew the whistle… I, like many other veterans filed IG complaints and crappy VA health care is what I have gotten ever since… so someone doing it against Trump, hope their outcome is better than mine…

Waiting on a phone call from some doctor… no clue who, no clue where… just love how the Hilo VA is playing god and not keeping the patient informed… and you think Sanders or Warren can do medicare for all, when they can’t even take care of veterans??????????

22 + a day die from suicide… doesn’t sound like they are getting the care they earned… and all you civilians do is whine…. begging for more, when you haven’t even earned it… yep… medicare for all is a pipe dream……. so is my VA health care………

The negative thoughts have been in the fore front… taking some sleep… taking from my dinner plate… taking from my peace of mind….

So, I’ll wallow in it tonight, only because… my mouth isn’t going to let me forget, how much it is hurting right now…. pain pill taken……… smoking pot, with open wounds, never a good idea… so denture gets worn to protect the sockets and keep them wet… so tired of thinking…. I just want to veg….

and the throb in my mouth reminds me… hello, this is just the beginning…

Oh Yea…………………………………..

Sgt. USAF DAV happy veterans day……. ouch………………………………

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