HSAM Hyperthymesia….. Memory ability….

Today’s eyesight, not bad… still got something blocking some vision…. couple more weeks and another post op…

I got to thinking about my memory ability…. At one time I could remember everything…. like a movie camera, ……..was….. my brain…. and thus my mothers nick name for me….”tattle tell”…..

After the first beating at 5 yrs old… it started… the struggle to be me… my guess, they caused seizures for that beating… by the time 8 yrs came around and the boob incident…. that one has ligature marks on my little neck… per the school picture… more brain damage…… When 13 came along and I died and got that nice dent in my right skull…. I lost me, but not all of the memory ability….

For decades, people have said, “ask Maggi”,…. long before goggle came along… and 9 times out of 10…. I was right and If wrong… I owned it… thus the reputation back home…. comment was made at a gathering after Gary died…. about my being a know it all, to me, that is not a insult… I know I am just better informed… not wrapped up in dragons and other bs on tv….

I was reading about HSAM and oh my goodness… I was there, at one time… and it nearly drove me crazy… so in a way… the stroke on Japan… helped to silence it, to a point… not completely… I still have unusal memory ability… but not when I smoke pot… that I will own…. short term, really sucks at that time and everyone gets called sweetie… true story… I do better on alcohol than pot…..

The vivid memories that have remained…. give me ghosts of pictures of what was… but nothing new… no, I think that, what ever Don did to me in Big Springs, Texas… it took from me and its not coming back after 52 years….

Still want to see neurology… with the VA moving on the implants, as they have no choice… I got to be able to eat without pain…. my appointments with the other doctors will be next year and medicare will be my choice… I am so over VA death care….this year…. I’m worn out with all these appointments that go no where…..

Start fresh after the 1st of the year… get a more comprehensive EEG and see if I can learn about the abnormal brain wave and maybe what caused it…. and confirm the neck and some more PT… but I got to be able to afford it too and as I have the answers, just need a little help, their is no rush anymore…. just confirmation on what I already know to be…..

I am grateful, some of the memory ability stayed intact and manifested its self in my PTSD… it help me cope with the trauma of reliving the past…. but I got to recognize… I just don’t have the gift I once had… just a tiny piece of it is left…

Finding the positive out of what others took from your body… not always easy to do… thus the inability for me to forgive them….

I can never forget, what they did…..

I Remember…. Margie….

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