Reconcile the past to move forward???

What I had planned to write since early this morning, is exactly what the title says... When Don died in 06, I shed no tears and I was not by his side, you'll have to go back and read what mommy dearest and the half sister did.... Yet, when he died, I wonder why I … Continue reading Reconcile the past to move forward???

Honestly Word Press, you are turning into censorship 101…

Turned my pc off... and re-did my internet, so I have a direct connection to the modem, thinking okay, I am giving word press a hard time, because the system thinks proxy or some crap.... WRONG!!!! Just a FYI my IP is not rotating.... so that is not the issue, which would cause issues with … Continue reading Honestly Word Press, you are turning into censorship 101…

Reconciling the Past and Word Press is a royal pain in the ass!!!

Other than just spending the last minute and a half trying to get back into my Word Press web site, when my PC was on an active... I NEVER LOGGED OUT!!!! but the stupid program kept popping up with the sign in!!!! So over this stupid site!!!! I was going to write about reconciling the … Continue reading Reconciling the Past and Word Press is a royal pain in the ass!!!

All about Peggy, always was and still is…

I left for basic training, not even 2 full months after the birth of my 2nd son... and it tore my heart out to leave my kids for several weeks of basic and on to tech school... but I wanted to be able to support my kids and take care of us, without a man.... … Continue reading All about Peggy, always was and still is…

Our Vision is so precious….

I have a daughter in law, who is blind in one eye and yet she seems to accomplish what ever she decides she wants to get done... I didn't appreciate her struggle until my own vision started going south, north, east, west.... what ever direction those cataracts want to be... I have no say... Today … Continue reading Our Vision is so precious….

25 years of marriage, who would have thought that was possible….

When I married Mike, we had gone to Spokane to buy a car, we were in shorts and tank tops and looked anything but presentable... so we popped over to Idaho and said our I Do's at the quickie establishment and headed home... that was 25 years ago and what a ride... He has stood … Continue reading 25 years of marriage, who would have thought that was possible….

Trump and Christians are just my excuse to block Margie….

Ironic isn't it... we as a spieces have always been critical of ourselves, but only after we got religion... and then it all became a head fake of excuses to commit the worse crimes against each other... because this man made god would make it all right again... How's that working for you???? I am … Continue reading Trump and Christians are just my excuse to block Margie….

Why Didn’t YOU STOP???

Watching TV during my short break, I was watching the Zoo and they had to put a baby penguin down... and it touched all the staff, even though it was just days old, it still touched the staff, because they see the cycle of life daily.... I saw that same cycle of life by the … Continue reading Why Didn’t YOU STOP???

Neuropathy… exercise works…

Neuropathy, peripheral like I have and the Autonomic... are the most challenging health issues I have ever had to deal with... Surgery is nothing compared to fixing these issues.... The pain is non stop and you get so used to it, when anyone ask your pain level you just shrug and say it hurts, it … Continue reading Neuropathy… exercise works…

Word press has lost my business!!!!

I like a dumb dumb accidentially paid for this site until fall of 2020.... I just spent the last several minutes trying to get into my site!!!!! So I am over you word press and your inability to code and NOT FUCK UP MY SITE!!!! I get our living on Hawaii and using satellite internet … Continue reading Word press has lost my business!!!!

Zuckerberg is now god and a founding father of America????πŸ™ŠπŸ™‰πŸ™ˆπŸ§šβ€β™€οΈπŸ§žβ€β™‚οΈπŸ§žβ€β™€οΈπŸ§œβ€β™€οΈedited😘

Just to let ya know fantasy is fun, but reality is a bitch slapper.... Could have sworn that was a Jewish name... but I have no clue where the dude is from.... just that he cheated his college friends and founded a company that now thinks censorship is acceptable regardless of the first amendment of … Continue reading Zuckerberg is now god and a founding father of America????πŸ™ŠπŸ™‰πŸ™ˆπŸ§šβ€β™€οΈπŸ§žβ€β™‚οΈπŸ§žβ€β™€οΈπŸ§œβ€β™€οΈedited😘

Big Springs, Texas… Margie’s place of death….

Living on Hawaii and it hits summer, you hope with all you have... You got AC.... and last summer or just before, when the eruption was happening, we ordered one and it was installed and last night we slept like babies.... now that electric bill, ouch.... I dreamed last night, I was tired, exhausted after … Continue reading Big Springs, Texas… Margie’s place of death….

Happy birthday…

Art work my son did 22 years ago... 42 years ago, labor was induced after carrying the baby for 10 full months... Appendix removed at 6 months gestation an delivery was chaos... A little child born on the 22nd of June, conceived on Italian soil, but born in America... Hope the day is all you … Continue reading Happy birthday…

What was my first clue, something was wrong??? edited

By the time I saw the military board, I had re-enlisted, got promoted, taken the E-5 test and hit a road block, was in college, while active duty and had orders for Japan along with my active duty spouse and it happened... and from what I have learned, it was illegal and violated my civil … Continue reading What was my first clue, something was wrong??? edited

When you remember too much…

Last night, sleep did not come easy... Facial muscles kept locking into place, leaving me an my jaw in uncomfortableness..... A situation again, that goes along the lines of scleroderma, something I am acutely aware could be sneaking in the door.... The damage from the beating at 5 years old that left my whole body … Continue reading When you remember too much…

Got to Own it when you cause the issue…edited

The health issues lately, I forgot, I was informed an the blog has the day, tri west was no longer our insurance an VA was taking over... One real sweet lady told me back this spring about it, which is when I knew Trump lied about taking care of vets... All Trump did, sacrifice us … Continue reading Got to Own it when you cause the issue…edited

Drone fun…

Today is hubby's birthday an he has always secretly wanted a drone.... an it arrived today in time for his day.... Got one that has GPS homing, so it can not get lost, with a good camera, so we can do video for the MLS web site for our house we are selling an if … Continue reading Drone fun…

Moments of joy and NO VA!!! Eye surgery is happening here!!!

Moment of joy.... Fuck the VA... I have medicare and I am using it... Called my eye doctor and they are referring me to another doctor here in town and I will get my surgery done in the next few weeks... If I let VA handle it, it will be months.... How Trump and the … Continue reading Moments of joy and NO VA!!! Eye surgery is happening here!!!

Tooth comes out VA signs death sentence…

Surgery to remove this tooth... July 11th.... I am in pain, have not had a day free of mouth pain for a year now.... Hows that wall along the border working you??? This is health care for veterans in America... House price gets lowered, so we can get put of here before the Hilo VA … Continue reading Tooth comes out VA signs death sentence…

My patients were combat Vets… Vietnam….

I get that people will get upset if one of us veterans with PTSD loses our temper... YOU THINK WE ARE HAPPY ABOUT IT TOO???? But.... the majority of us, who have PTSD along with Traumatic Brain injuries... live in a world of constant turmoil, that is just every day to you... I quit using … Continue reading My patients were combat Vets… Vietnam….

Trump kills Veterans health care…edited

Get this package in the mail, that says I can go here and there and I have choices... but I got to keep my care in 40 miles of where I live and since I am on a Island... you figure it out... So I call Tri west and tell them I would like a … Continue reading Trump kills Veterans health care…edited

Tooth coming out???

Jimminey Crickets... got a call from the dentist and they got approval today to have the tooth extracted on the VA's dime... just a FYI... Now when that will be, not big deal to me now... the antibiotic the doc gave me for the bladder/kidney thing, made the issue in my mouth better, so an … Continue reading Tooth coming out???

Remembering stopped the “Passive/Aggressive”???

Like I said before, I got 100% from the VA, because I should have met a medical board, but the reputation of the base was more important... so the Air Force cooked up the above diagnosis... only one problem... so far the VA, as far back as 1997... those test results say PTSD...... Now Mike … Continue reading Remembering stopped the “Passive/Aggressive”???

My dependent gets immediate health care and me, the veteran waits, and waits and waits…

Hubby had a heart incident, EMS, Ambulance and ER... whole 9 yards a couple weeks ago.... and he had to see his primary yesterday... so she ordered a ultra sound of his blood clot and got that call yesterday and already is scheduled... Been seeing the dentist for several dental issues for the past year... … Continue reading My dependent gets immediate health care and me, the veteran waits, and waits and waits…

This is Normal for me and never will be for you….the VA wins on Hawaii and I sit waiting for my brain to be impacted by a dying tooth…

How I live, think, behave, feel, talk, walk, kiss my own ass... that is all individual to me and shrinks and neuros really don't seem to get that... they rely to heavily on text books.... I rely on living it for 60 years.... One thing about this journey, knowing for sure, not suspicions... but facts, … Continue reading This is Normal for me and never will be for you….the VA wins on Hawaii and I sit waiting for my brain to be impacted by a dying tooth…

Symptom tracker…

Last winter, when my head was exploding and they did the EEG, MRI, MRA... but no dental x-rays...................... We found out that my memories about the stroke and all that jazz were on target....but... that head pain that was totally freaking this old woman out... well... It's the tooth... the nerve damage inside my skull … Continue reading Symptom tracker…

I was always in the Driver’s Seat…

As much as I rag about what I have been thru... and you figure, it's my right... I am the one that endured the beatings from the time I was able to walk until I stood up to the man an told him to never touch me again... and that was the last physical blow … Continue reading I was always in the Driver’s Seat…

Nuances of PTSD

I had to pause for a moment before writing, an all that has transpired since the Sutherland Springs, Texas killing, played thru my mind an it felt light an yet still so heavy.... Quitting Levothyroxine has had a slight impact negatively, but a short time only with my hair an nails.... The Premarin cream stopped … Continue reading Nuances of PTSD

Censorship so small minded….

Going to be a hot day on Hawaii, where assholes are a dime a dozen... but this paradise is my little slice of heaven an Trump an Zuckerberg can go jump off the cliffs... Hope springs eternal... TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell Sgt USAF DAV I Remember Margie.... but Zuckerberg is trying so hard to silence her....

Trust is earned, not given…

Trust and fear... wow, at one time I was beyond naive, I guess we all are at one time or another in our lives.... but mine lasted a very long time..... Because I was never told about the stroke or any of the other injuries inflicted upon my body as a child... and of course … Continue reading Trust is earned, not given…

I lost my Fear???πŸ™ŠπŸ™ˆπŸ™‰

🀬Ticked off at Mike this AM, he pushed his body to hard and paid for it last night, which means I didn't get much sleep.... and I tore into him this morning about it and what we just went thru at the ER!!! So over stupid!!! His comment to me, because I just had ordered … Continue reading I lost my Fear???πŸ™ŠπŸ™ˆπŸ™‰

Humility lesson….

Nothing new with that... I try an learn from my own bigotry and hate or dislike of many things in life... real or imagined.... Before I got my memories back, paranoia was my number one companion and fight or flight.... Since getting my memories back over the last 20 months, it has been humbling in … Continue reading Humility lesson….

Married 6 times before age 40….πŸ™ˆπŸ™‰πŸ™Š

Kind of a mind blower, even when I think about it...We got married after knowing each other only a few months and one night at the Cariboo in Okanogan... Mike asked me what I wanted and I said.... Your last name.... a few months later I got what I wanted and he got more than … Continue reading Married 6 times before age 40….πŸ™ˆπŸ™‰πŸ™Š

Thru the Rabbit Hole

I have many things I can not tolerate visually and it's been that way since the TV beating.... One sensation that I deal with and oh boy could it be a fun ride and only in the last year have I finally put it together... that falling sensation, will happen any time, any place and … Continue reading Thru the Rabbit Hole

Being Trolled…😌😌😌

It just dawned on me, just how special I am... I am being trolled by Zuckerberg..... He has shut down two of my pages, an I published nothing worse than what our own President has said... So you tell me why Zuckerberg is so concerned with this little old white woman who DOES NOT believe … Continue reading Being Trolled…😌😌😌

De ja vu

I wrote this past winter, the bad headaches, yada, yada an MRI results showed stroke an TIA....but...I also saw the dentist several times since last May of 18... an now I am in real lousy pain an Monday will be the earliest we can do surgery...guess what help cause the headaches an as a dental … Continue reading De ja vu

It rained, now its pouring…πŸ™ˆπŸ™‰πŸ™Š

Uncle, honest I get it... I get suicide.... I get depression an most of all, I get being overwhelmed... Bridge the VA did, my tooth is gone, oral surgery would have been today, but, contractor maybe, ceiling maybe...so surgery next week an I may loose more than one tooth... Frustrating when you tell peeps the … Continue reading It rained, now its pouring…πŸ™ˆπŸ™‰πŸ™Š

Face book censorship…

Just more proof of Zuckerberg playing god, which is the only gods we have ever had.... HUMANS.... You can not fix stupid, but mental health is ready an willing to help with delusions... As a person with multiple TBIs, delusions are part of the initial injury, but you do make your way out of darkness...... … Continue reading Face book censorship…

Tackling my Frustration….

Never dull in my life, something is always going on and when the birth family was a part of my life, it was non stop drama.... this morning after another censorship by god Zuckerberg... I am tired and beyond frustrated.... Silenced again by a christian.... nothing new there and as long as the delusional believe … Continue reading Tackling my Frustration….

Anger, Frustration, nope, just life……..

Face book censoring me is nothing new... I have hit a nerve with someone who knows me and they don't like me showing them that religion is delusional... so we are suppose to continue to enable the mentally ill, that, I will never get.... Watching Trump in action and the corruption of the christian faith, … Continue reading Anger, Frustration, nope, just life……..

Face Book Censorship

Just proof of what I said... unlike christians, I do not lie, I can not... My brain injury damaged my short term memory an I have known that since my military time... Anyway just proof about my being censored... Sgt USAF DAV

Bird song…

I can hear in the background the song of the red cardinal... it is mating season... we are seeing the mini red headed cardinals, connecting with the less attractive female.... It never ceases to amaze me how nature just picks its self up and dusts its self off... This time last year, we were being … Continue reading Bird song…

Yummy… decadent…. sweetness…

Tonight we harvested a white pineapple, this will be so sweet an full of juice, it makes can, a poor cousin... Navel oranges maturing an Haas avocado getting bigger... Hawaii has its good an bad an growing stuff, is as good as it gets, year round.... TimesUp #MeToo Whyididnttell Sgt USAF DAV I Remember Margie....

Knowing, has made a world of difference….

Not being told you had a stroke, is without words the cruelest thing any person has done to me that calls themselves christian... because christian is not what the white man makes it.... Knowing, every physical health issue I have had since my military time, finally explained... Knowing, not once but twice the VA determined … Continue reading Knowing, has made a world of difference….

Trumpism… nah… just the norm….

Watching the news is just boring anymore, which means I am getting immune to it and if that is happening in our household, it's happening in many others.... I see some hope in all this mess.... those of us, who are tired of political correctness and putting a god before me or any other citizen … Continue reading Trumpism… nah… just the norm….

Face book down???

Been busy all day an I sit down to update for the kids an can not post... Privacy setting just spins an it comes back as an error for posting... Last time this happened they shut down my face book page... I thought censorship was bad in communist countries I have been too, but face … Continue reading Face book down???

Depression, walking in the door….

Never turn your back on that demon from hell... but if nothing else it made me laugh at myself, when I realized what I had running on my side bar wasn't code, it was a diagnositic thing running in the background... I think I will leave cyber security to the seeing..... Depression has been hanging … Continue reading Depression, walking in the door….

Choices… not miracles… Choices…

Life is and always will be about choices.. Those who think the world is mystical and based on religion or rhetoric, will never get this concept... you made a concious choice to buy into mystic and religious beliefs... which are founded on stories and not facts or science... so I suggest you read something else … Continue reading Choices… not miracles… Choices…

When the neuro net makes unfiltered an understatement…

Last few days, unfiltered about religion is an understatement.... good thing we are still here an not moved yet😳... I let this one go unchecked an I knew it was happening an declined to stop it.... Not so much as to get attention, but to put it out there that god lovers, christians, muslims, what … Continue reading When the neuro net makes unfiltered an understatement…

What happened to my Fear???

There are many forms of fear, some will be from a movie or story.... Some will be from a confrontation with another or any kind of assault.... Some fear may just be manifested in the imagination... thus the need, some humans think.... the need for a god... We are repairing the ceiling drywall tape... This … Continue reading What happened to my Fear???

Internet interference from???

I get what I see, most of you can't, because you don't have a bar on the side of your screen that is showing code and when that codes goes goofy and the program I am in does what it shouldn't... I know the internet is being dicked with.... and since I am on my … Continue reading Internet interference from???

PTSD Nightmares are still here….

You never know what will flash before your eyes or what will come forward in a nightmare.... PTSD is not selective on its torment... it's just torment... Today while doing our couple of miles, I told Mike it was still a shock to the brain or conciousness, knowing what my mother and father did to … Continue reading PTSD Nightmares are still here….

America…founded by Laws…

America has never been a nation of religion... America was founded on democracy and laws... Only the religious believe that has no value... why??? RAPE! THEFT! LIES! CHEATING! MURDER! ASSAULT!!! That is what they want to make America.... the religious, so they can do what they want.... but that invisible god will forgive them..... You … Continue reading America…founded by Laws…

Reflections of life without a man made god…

Hubby is off to get what we forgot at Home Depot... Showing scheduled for tomorrow and thankfully we have not torn into the ceiling drywall.... yet.... how ever, we did get the room emptied... Every night I go to bed without thinking twice about saying a prayer.... my soul sings loudly and lets me sleep … Continue reading Reflections of life without a man made god…

Half hour wasted…

Took that long just to get one account to work on face book.... Zuckerberg thinks every person has high speed internet... Thats okay, life always evens the playing field, an I plan to be around to watch Zuckerberg an Trump go to Rikers.... Sgt USAF DAV I Remember Margie....

Censorship by Zuckerberg….

It is real an happening.... My blog is not showing except in my primary page on FB, have not seen one blog post in two days in my other feed or hubby.... When you allow censorship, you allow people to tell you how you have to live your life.... All christians have ever done... rape, … Continue reading Censorship by Zuckerberg….

Making It Right…

The ceiling from who knows... all we know, builder contractor did not get it right from the get go and we always sell a quality home for that price range it is in.... So... Mike will tear out ALL the professional screw up work and get it ready for me😳 to do the repair and … Continue reading Making It Right…

A Proper Up Bringing… What a Bigoted Statement…

Define proper... do you even have a clue what proper behavior is or protocol or anything else that has to do with up bringing??? Thought not.... For anyone to say they had a "Proper Upbringing"... I will show you a bigot... because they just said they are better than you and usually the people that … Continue reading A Proper Up Bringing… What a Bigoted Statement…

I Remember the Pain of this Day….

Covered in bruises... If you look and few people really do look at anything, you can see the blunt force trauma fractures and bruising... For a long time now I have been trying to figure out why I have so much pain in my left rib cage area.... I know what broken ribs feel like … Continue reading I Remember the Pain of this Day….

Took 3 minutes and repeated request to sign in, when I AM ALREADY SIGNED IN!!!!!!!

Word press, I had something to write about, concerning the stroke and it took me 10 tries to get this stupid site to open to let me write, and it kept asking me to sign in!!!!!!!!!! SO OVER THIS SITE!!!!!

What will the Trumps pull tomorrow???

I thought after Nixon, there would never be another crook in the white house.... boy where we all wrong... Sitting and watching "Spaces Deepest Secrets" and my mind went to the thought, wonder what Trump will pull tomorrow... I used to think that way about my parents... I always had to plan, extrapalate, calculate and … Continue reading What will the Trumps pull tomorrow???

Hawaii fresh water…

That big silver tin can, is a 10,000 gallon fresh water catchment.... We had a green house in that brown spot, an since we are moving, it was taken down an as you see, tank not so pretty.... So some green backs later, we have some colorful tropical plants that will grow to hide that … Continue reading Hawaii fresh water…

Life after rape, near death and lies…edited

Life is the most fascinating live action out there and so many perfer, distraction, drugs, sex, crime and religion, instead of living.... Sleep the elusive part of my life since I was about 5 years old... those pictures I showed ya recently.... that was when the PTSD took a real hold on my life and … Continue reading Life after rape, near death and lies…edited

“Some Things are Best Not Remembered”…. per Freda… edited

How's that for a title of my book??? We were out doing our mile walk and I was chewing hubby up for our 4 hour stint in the ER last night... he went by ambulance and I had to drive... oh yea... not on the way home in the dark though!!! Anyhow, my mind has … Continue reading “Some Things are Best Not Remembered”…. per Freda… edited

Blunt Force Truama Fractures… decades later…

Covered in bruises... The beating happended before I turned 6 and Freda was pregnant with David... guess that is going to be her excuse for breaking this baby's bones... You can see the indents in the arms and that is the place the breaks are and when bone scans were done when I was active … Continue reading Blunt Force Truama Fractures… decades later…

Instant body freefall….

Ever be standing or sitting and all of a sudden you feel like you are in free fall... for those who don't have a clue, think of an elevator and the bottom just dropped out... it is that kind of sensation... one that I have felt since the stroke in Texas.... so about 52 years … Continue reading Instant body freefall….

Trophy picture…

If you look, an most never really look.... Can be you be detective an tell me the blunt force trauma to this 6 year old child??? These are Injuries from TV interview... Do you remember the weapon of choice the mother used on this child for telling the truth??? How much of my story have … Continue reading Trophy picture…

Texas stroke evidence….

I said I never scuffed my shoes before age 13... I turn 65 soon and I can remember on Japan, which puts us there after the stroke an when the TIA (brain bleed) happened and no more Sunday school, yada, yada, an my shoes start to wear like this.... I had that aha moment 5/16/19.... … Continue reading Texas stroke evidence….

Chicken defenses on HawaiiπŸ˜†

After $350 for fencing, we have blocked our neighbors livestock... I can only imagine suing them for involuntary man slaughter if Mike had a heart attack chasing them out of our plants... USDA, my last government job... we are zoned agricultural, so laws you "HAVE" to comply or bad things happen... the kids next door, … Continue reading Chicken defenses on HawaiiπŸ˜†

How many die by our hands???

So that border wall... It sure is impacting every murder that has happened under the GOPs watch and Trumps... Every murder, like today... American citizen who could get a gun legally... How many coming across the border have Trump an his base murdered??? Christians are destroying America, just like slavery did.... TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidnttell, those … Continue reading How many die by our hands???

Proof the stroke happened in Texas in 67 at 13 years old…at the hands of christians…

When you live in a military household, especially those enlisted ones... money was tight in our time and it was tight when I went active duty 10 years later... but, that is not about the stroke, the following is... I have, like any good human, tried to wrap my head around the abuse that christians … Continue reading Proof the stroke happened in Texas in 67 at 13 years old…at the hands of christians…

How the neuropathy set me up…

I wrote last fall and through the winter my issues I was trying to figure out an saw the dentist during that time... this time they did X-rays... The pain up the right side of my skull is directly dental related... Once the doc pointed the x-ray out to me an I could blink the … Continue reading How the neuropathy set me up…

Blunt force trauma fractures, 6 decades later…

Doing the hand exercises the PT taught me are painful... When a doc I worked with in the dental clinic accussed me of throwing the instruments, I knew what happened, I just didn't understand it at that time... Now that happens on a daily basis... Not much you can do, when you can not grasp, … Continue reading Blunt force trauma fractures, 6 decades later…

Individual Rights… christians think not….

I am reminded of the hippy days and them spitting on soldiers coming back from a war they didn't start... but christians did.... and those same are in congress now and the white house... I am reminded of the riots and demonstrations and burning of bras.... I am reminded of the fight for a womans … Continue reading Individual Rights… christians think not….

Nature, the only god…

To the east, the rain is coming.... To the west, a rainbow pierces a cloud as the light refracts in the sky... All made from stardust, as are we all... such beauty an I will never understand christians need to destroy what sustains us.... I really do need to buy stock in that garlic farm..... … Continue reading Nature, the only god…

VA drops ball, I punt it…

At least I know I can get approval for the procedures an it will be which ever crisis comes first... When the dentist said my bridge was cracked, aha on my pain in that quadrant, an surprise I tolerated it for such a large issue under the bridge, a cavity, that can be partially fixed, … Continue reading VA drops ball, I punt it…

VA screws up again…

So either the employee at the private clinic did not do the job or a federal employee at Oahu VA is sabotaging veterans health care... Regardless, implants for the 4 molars would take up to a year... My dentist requested authorization 5/18.... an last week I got authorization, ONLY after Oahu VA had contacted me … Continue reading VA screws up again…

Silence is deafening…edited…

Chicken wire almost done... We think the kids heard my voice an anger over the damage the birds did to trees we planted... Nothing is cheap on Hawaii, except bigotry.... Went for our mile evening walk an no noise, no chirping, no crowing.... It is illegal to arbitrarily kill livestock.... We are hoping they either … Continue reading Silence is deafening…edited…

Fighting corrupt Expedia an United airlines…

Since I can not see small print, Mike is handling the claim against the above mentioned companies... One thing for sure, the insurance rep was shocked at what we were charged for their screw up... Trumpism is flowing freely an consumers an women especially are getting screwed out of our hard earned money.... Sgt USAF … Continue reading Fighting corrupt Expedia an United airlines…

PTSD, Neuropathy, a dash of skeletal arthritis and dump a tablespoon of frustration… yeppers….edited

Mike made the comment I hadn't written much lately and in fact, not talking much lately... I was into a good memory nightmare the other night and a rooster decided 2 AM was my wake up call... (angry emoji) lol.... I know when I am hungry, never do business and really, just keep the lips … Continue reading PTSD, Neuropathy, a dash of skeletal arthritis and dump a tablespoon of frustration… yeppers….edited

Living next door to stupidity….

This is my girl, she turns 8 this fall... We fostered her litter an adopted 3, we have 2 pups left alive and today... She tasted blood.... We just finished our mile an I thought she was worn out an the leash fully extended an before I could brace my body, we were running around … Continue reading Living next door to stupidity….

Death never knocks…

Death has knocked upon our door... First knock to a friend of old, her time on earth cut short by deaths knock... A child of ours, got the second knock... the man full of life who without we would have no great grand son.... died before her eyes... eyes that have only seen 18 cycles... … Continue reading Death never knocks…

Chicken herders retirement…

Mike got 1 roll of fencing up... cute as they are, they are damaging our trees an plants by scratching an exposing roots... Stuff here has hard enough time rooting, because we are 100% lava rock under that mulch Mike added after we bought the place... under that mulch...rock... Usually. this time of day a … Continue reading Chicken herders retirement…

How we are spending our Memorial day…

My family line can be traced back to the Holy Roman Emperor time... so we have lots of documented ancestry.... Many Kings, Queens, Emperors, Lords and you get my meaning... as they migrated to the Americas... they became, Explorers and carriers of diseases.... All the time forgetting where they actually came from, because science was … Continue reading How we are spending our Memorial day…

AVIS….. got our business…

Out of the $1,000 there about, we are being charged by Expedia screw up an United being the carrier with up graded seats... refuse to give this 100% disabled veteran a refund.... But.... AVIS did!!! It is always up to management... an since we did not screw up, but an employee at Expedia started this … Continue reading AVIS….. got our business…

I-be a monkeys uncle….

Get letter from Oahu VA authorizing the dental implants....but....I have to start from scratch???? There are some days the VA just gives you the evidence of incompetence and negligence..... Since I was a dental tech specialist in the Air Force an surgery was my favorite, I doubt we can get anything done before we sell … Continue reading I-be a monkeys uncle….

Life without PTSD….

My interest in psychology started when the Air Force decided to use me as a scape goat and keep the base reputation from going down the toilet, over the rape and attempted murder of my children in base housing.... so why the interest in psychology??? When I was forced to see a shrink and undergo … Continue reading Life without PTSD….

PTSD has left the building…

PTSD has been with me so long, it has integrated it's self into who I am.... from what I have read about psychology and neuro psychology... if you get PTSD and no intervention, you can live a lifetime with PTSD... Since the first remembered brain injury at 5 years old after the TV interview and … Continue reading PTSD has left the building…

Screwed by Expedia and United Airlines…

We do not travel much, can you tell... the last time I got on a flight before moving to Hawaii was 1991.... so it was 2016 when we moved here and I even took flying lessons... not a big fan... Anyhow that $800 United and Expedia has of my money is gone... over half was … Continue reading Screwed by Expedia and United Airlines…

Prayers for Trump….

Pelosi says she is praying for Trump??? If "Prayer" did any good, why did our nation see more school violence an death after Columbine, when prayer flowed freely... to stop another mass killing an Sandy Hook happened an more of the same carnage... If prayer did any good, those of us who know the truth.... … Continue reading Prayers for Trump….

Expedia Travel Insurance is a waste of your money….Citi Bank is a joke and United Airlines is a rip off to this disabled veteran…..

Oh what a wakeup call by using travel companies like Expedia or in fact using airlines period... if you don't cancel with 24 hours, and you have no insurance... your money is gone... and not a damn thing you can do about it... Now if you got this waste of money travel insurance, what happens.... … Continue reading Expedia Travel Insurance is a waste of your money….Citi Bank is a joke and United Airlines is a rip off to this disabled veteran…..

Ooops, not so fast… back on the market… house that is…

Never a dull moment when life decides other choices... but this was a good lesson as we found out we had the wrong dog cages, because of all the pet deaths last summer... fortunately, we were able to get the big boy his cage... but we had to change airlines and that is when things … Continue reading Ooops, not so fast… back on the market… house that is…

I Need stock in a Garlic Farm…

Watching the news, as we are several hours behind everyone on the mainland... we go to CNN for the latest and most unbiased story... an we pop over to our local station an the ticker at the bottom of the screen says, "a 71 year old man raped a 3 year old girl".... I nearly … Continue reading I Need stock in a Garlic Farm…

Neuropathy and Heat…

This heat is hitting me hard and the humidity is just making me feel worse... so our leaving is the right thing to do... AC has been on since 5AM... On Okinawa, after the last time I was hit upside the head, that was when it happened and I thought for sure it was a … Continue reading Neuropathy and Heat…

Success is not a religious thing…

My granddaughter put a post out about "failed marriages or partners".... Only the religious think marriage is sacred... when in reality its a compatibility contest more than anything... As long as you try, in any relationship, regardless if it succeeds or not...You are a success.... To live with another human in harmony is a religious … Continue reading Success is not a religious thing…

Stroke and how all the signs were always there….

Just like asking Trump to tell the truth... so have I asked my mother Freda, at least a 100 times to get the truth out of her... Once you choose to lie, your whole life is false and Trump puts it out there for all to see, as do most cons... mommy dearest.... not so … Continue reading Stroke and how all the signs were always there….

The goddess moon is bright…

She shines bright, this goddess of the night... Her breath a cool dew upon the night... Her energy glowing bright, this goddess of the night... Her cold beauty a reminder this night... The goddess of the moon has more rights... Than human women made of light.... The goddess of the night, will never know a … Continue reading The goddess moon is bright…

Our pups secret game…

They get more trusting every day an today no exception... Out shopping an getting ready to move, attention time is cut back... Tonight they showed us just how they entertain each other... TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell, who will listen... I Remember Margie an her love for life... Sgt USAF DAV

Time is flying by….

The move, fast approaching... Still in awe at the eye clinic..I would have passed anyway... Informed decisions, not conveyer belt medicine an being my eyes...I will wait till after our move an I can be down for recovery... not happening at this moment in time... PTSD has been around an intrusive... I have such a … Continue reading Time is flying by….

Its A Go….

All plane tickets bought, cargo ordered an vehicles arranged for shipping, dogs get health certificate in a couple weeks an all we do is wait for departure date... Not bad for moving all our junk from Hawaii to Washington... Are we done yet??? TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell, because those in power still control women's rights!!! I … Continue reading Its A Go….

Learning new… Luminess air…

Not a big makeup fan...but I wanted to try a new thing an this air brush sounded challenging with my hands an arms, top that vision issue in the mix...I really know how to frustrate myself.... First time I tried, my arm went limp...had to teach it a new way of holding something without stressing … Continue reading Learning new… Luminess air…

Frustration has hit….an wins…

All I can see in my minds eye, is the pop up stuff around the paragraph/block I am writing an all of a sudden my laptop is no longer a pen for me to write, an the elbow an hand tell me this Ipad will not work long...... Frustration, something I have lived with forever... … Continue reading Frustration has hit….an wins…

So done with writing…edited

I had a aha moment that confirms the stroke, that absolutely happened in Texas... It took the WP site a full minute to just get into my site and then it took another full minute to open my site to write.... It just takes all the air out of writing it on this site... their … Continue reading So done with writing…edited

Word Press you suck!!!

Takes over a minute for the stupid page to open, so you can even write and by the time it is up, I am sitting here thinking of other things I could be doing instead of writing about an aha moment concerning my storke from age 13!!!!! Between christians thinking they are normal and sane … Continue reading Word Press you suck!!!

WTF WORD PRESS????

Okay, now I am getting pissed, instead of writing about what I had planned... I just had to sign into my word press web site!!! WHICH I NEVER SIGNED OUT OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is wrong with people... I PAID FOR THIS SITE AND I DID NOT ASK FOR YOU TO SCREW WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Want to kill … Continue reading WTF WORD PRESS????

Do not like changes!!!

So not happy with what Word Press has done to my site... If I want change, I will make change... If I want an abortion.... it's my body and not some superstitious bull shit religions choice... as with this site... Word Press thought of progress and not how it will impact the people as a … Continue reading Do not like changes!!!

WP still not happy…

We are going to try an get on laptop computer an see if hubby can find the option to change format back to what I CHOOSE!!!! If we have time, busy getting all done... Container ordered an will be here the 3rd of June, hotels, rental vehicles, airlines, dogs travel, all set up, health certificate … Continue reading WP still not happy…

Ipad writing, will not last….edited

As I wrote a very long time back, I learn by repetition, and have done so since the last blow to my head in 1971.... that blow took so much..... With word press changing or enabling an option on my site with out first asking me is indicative of the #METOO Movement as viewed by … Continue reading Ipad writing, will not last….edited

Word PRESS YOU JUST SCREWED MY WORLD!!!!

The last thing I need right now is for my blog to change in any way, shape or form.... I AM GOING BLIND AND YOU PEOPLE CHANGE THE WAY I WRITE MY BLOG WITHOUT ASKING ME?????????????????? How the hell am I suppose to write and see what changes they made to the blog site???? I … Continue reading Word PRESS YOU JUST SCREWED MY WORLD!!!!

What is wrong with healt care professionals???

I don't get it, honestly I don't... I worked with patients and if I ever treated a patient the way I got treated today, I would have been kicked out of the military so fast, my head would still be spinning... The attitude of the employees at the Vision facility for eye surgery was beyond … Continue reading What is wrong with healt care professionals???

Will I Ever Have Peace???

The answer to that question is easy... Yes... I know from experience and how I trained my edetic memory ability to handle all the ugly of the world and I get the same response from those who have contact with me...  "They like my positive attitude"... and in a way I see the glass half … Continue reading Will I Ever Have Peace???

Gravity an Fusion, no gods involved…

The sun has rose, like billions of times before, gravity holding it in place an fusion warming our earth an giving us our life blood... no gods involved...just nature at its best...the true god.... TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell, why, so you could judge like your man made god??? I Remember Margie...who saw death, and gods non … Continue reading Gravity an Fusion, no gods involved…

Dog day is mothers day….

This is how I spend holidays, doing what needs to be done, but this time it was different... Dogs need baths before move an today was perfect overcast kind of day... What I noticed while doing the dogs, my left knee was bent, it hurt to put it straight an I realized this was a … Continue reading Dog day is mothers day….

Rant over, true story of motherhood for me…

When I found out I was pregnant, after the rape... I knew abortion was not an option... only because I had so much chaos and conflict in what I really believed and what I really thought... So I was resigned to having a child, when one had not been planned... I never got why I … Continue reading Rant over, true story of motherhood for me…

It Stops Here… no more Abuse!!!

Today, is an interesting day... didn't realize this day bugged me as much as it does... At some point in time you either stand up for yourself or you let people continue to walk on you.... I choose to stand up and say no more and I have been doing that for some time now... … Continue reading It Stops Here… no more Abuse!!!

Who’s Fault???

I blame my parents Don & Freda Bagwell for all the damage to my body that happened before I was 18 years old... broken bones, concussions, severe brain injuries, TIA (brain bleeds), internal injuries.... so I thank you with all Β my heart Don & Freda for the body that you made and did all you … Continue reading Who’s Fault???

Mothers Day, bah humbug!!!

I knew from an early age, I never wanted to have kids... I knew even as a young person, I didn't have the patience needed, but I also knew something was wrong with me and since mommy dearest kept her hole shut, I never knew about the stroke, brain injuries or blunt force trauma fractures … Continue reading Mothers Day, bah humbug!!!

Anger and PTSD… they like to dance…edited

Figuring out why I had anger outbursts, helped me to change the brain chemical reaction so that, when the same kind of circumstances presented them self to me, I didn't go ballistic... also, recognizing I am a human... who needs to eat and food and I are not the best of friends... not because of … Continue reading Anger and PTSD… they like to dance…edited

PTSD and the search for sleep….edited

One night it's good, the next, I am up and down because of repressed memories coming forward... Ya know, I kind of wish it would just all open up at once like Pandora's box... hope springs eternal... Best I can figure, a memory is opening up... sigh... so over all this... honest I am... and … Continue reading PTSD and the search for sleep….edited

Have You Noticed???

Being a person with this unique memory, I sit and think of all the women over the decades and I can picture the face and not the name... so, I give... But... that one little word... Have you noticed how none of the women running for president have the where with all that Hillary Clinton … Continue reading Have You Noticed???

Relief…

I got meds in the mail... So the young lady did an outstanding job, getting set up to do veterans prescriptions through the VA.... This is a new office an I had my doubts, but very happy, I will have meds till I get in with a doctor back home... One less thing to have … Continue reading Relief…

Chaos of PTSD, Repressed Memories and the Need to move Forward….

Maybe it is more of a desire to move forward... I have been living in the past my whole life, because I didn't remember what happened and Freda and Don Bagwell as well as the rest of the family decided to play god, with my life!!!... I wonder what that feels like to take power … Continue reading Chaos of PTSD, Repressed Memories and the Need to move Forward….

HPP Cliffs…. Hawaii big Island

Our time down at the cliffs Monday, when the buyers were inspecting the house and land they are buying from us.... it was a beautiful day... Early morning song of the cardinal... We have lots of red cardinals on the island and many other beautiful birds... Saw a hawk yesterday on our road trip... Back … Continue reading HPP Cliffs…. Hawaii big Island

Road Trip

Road work, so I got a quick shot of the Kona coastline... We get behind this guy an I kid you not, no clue why he drove this way, but, it looked like his speedometer did not work... enjoy Mikes commentary...speed limit 60...okay not funny, but we pulled up next to him at the light … Continue reading Road Trip

Old Pain is back to Remind Me….

I do not like reading my medical records, especially the military and VA ones, the civilian records I never found negative comments, the military and VA, lots of negative comments... it seems to me, federal employees think, mind you not something they do very well, but federal employees think their opinion as a GS-5-6-7-8-9 has … Continue reading Old Pain is back to Remind Me….

Neuropathy episode….ongoing…

I wrote a couple of days ago about having an autonomic neuropathy episode... and I think it is still going on... I have learned with the understanding of psychology and the neurological impact the stroke and TIA (brain bleed) had on my personality and other behavioral patterns... I am learning to recognize the pattern of … Continue reading Neuropathy episode….ongoing…

Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam….

The day started out as usual... a banger down Makuu street at 4AM!!! by 4:30AM the rooster decided it needed to let its presence known... top that off, I read the email last night from the title company and showed Mike and we both misunderstood what we read and kind of chewed everyone last night … Continue reading Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam….

Big Brother, you sorry ass MF!!!

My heart is racing with this aha moment and I am furious, beyond anything I have felt in a long time... my big brother... my half-brother from Freda's 1st marriage... he knew and he didn't tell me!!!! Let me give a little back story... in 1967, when my big brother was with us for the … Continue reading Big Brother, you sorry ass MF!!!

Repressed memories, figuring it out…

Why did it take me 50 years to remember??? According to the science of psychology it can take decades for repressed memories to come forward and some people never remember and go to the grave never knowing why life was and is the way it was... make sense??? I am dreaming, lot more than I … Continue reading Repressed memories, figuring it out…

Flash’s of Memory….

Remember in the good old days of lousy TV reception and your dad would have you stand by the rabbit ears and move them till the picture was just right and once you got the perfect picture, you could sit down and watch what ever was on... Only one little problem... 9 times out of … Continue reading Flash’s of Memory….

Sisters….

I never got it... I never understood why my sister behaved the way she did, until I remembered the beating on Japan and her with that sick grin in the living room in that off base housing at Johnson AFB, Japan... I had just recovered from the stroke and death or what they call near … Continue reading Sisters….

Memories and the book….

So many memories have come back... I still have moments in time, when the time frame of the memory is not in continuity with my thought process...  Have I remembered anything new, yes and no... sometimes it feels like a new memory and I will have a PTSD nightmare dream and see more of the … Continue reading Memories and the book….

Reflecting and PTSD is still here… kind of…

43 days and we leave... I knew it would happen fast, nothing in my life has followed the pattern of the average person (is there such a thing?), it has always been this way... that is why I have always known, you don't have to believe in a fake god to have a good life... … Continue reading Reflecting and PTSD is still here… kind of…

The Journey Continues…

What will come next, will be another experience to put under my belt... The day has been long and hot, yet we still accomplished much... How we wish we could give the kids the house sooner, but, that one little annoying word... but... the dogs... They started the rabies series today... we didn't plan to … Continue reading The Journey Continues…

Bagwell bucket of shit, still not landing!!!

My mother has said for as long as I can remember, in fact she made the comment numerous times when we lived in Mena.... about how I can fall into a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose... I like roses, but I am more a magnolia or jasmine kind of girl... … Continue reading Bagwell bucket of shit, still not landing!!!

House is SOLD!!!

We got a full price offer today, now comes the paper games... TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell, because it takes courage like FORD an HILL!!! I Remember Margie, guess that Bagwell bucket of shit will never land at my doorstep, mommy dearest.... Sgt. USAF DAV

Speculative Theory on my Dental Health…

I was a thinking, always a dangerous thing to do... But last year in April I got notified of my yearly dental checkup... guess what, I gots nothing, no call, no email, no mail... so naturally that old feeling of paranoia popped up and it happened, 3 memories and it leads to speculation.... When the … Continue reading Speculative Theory on my Dental Health…

Sexual Assault is up in the Military… No duh!!!

I served from 1977 to 1983... I was ganged raped by officers at a party after I was slipped a drugged cocktail!!!! Know what the supervisor said when I reported the rape??? "What DID I DO to invite such behavior!!!!" What did I do, well let me see... I was fully clothed, the single mother … Continue reading Sexual Assault is up in the Military… No duh!!!

Neuropathy Ride….

For me, other than all the nerve pain.... it's the Autonomic neuropathy that gives me more scary moments than the peripheral neuropathy.... This is when I want the specialist working together, Endo, Neuro and Medical... so that when the episodes happen I have an understanding of what is happening to me... I have never blacked … Continue reading Neuropathy Ride….

Overload and only small meltdown… PTSD is loosing…

Get up this morning and all kinds of paperwork to deal with for selling and printing out the flyers the realtor did... and I am taking my time puttering around, because we only been on MLS less than 12 hours.... No sooner did I think that thought and the realtor asks if we can show … Continue reading Overload and only small meltdown… PTSD is loosing…

PTSD went on vacation….

Long day over and it started with bad news... the property we were trying to buy was to far into foreclosure and goes up for auction in a few days, nothing more we can do, since we are here and the property and court-house are not... So that pressure is off, we are now in … Continue reading PTSD went on vacation….

Brain chemical reaction has changed…edited

Okay call me total geek, but, when you live the science, you can't help but fall in love with the science... What I used to experience, regardless of the moment in time... be it the birth of my child, or the day I got married or the day I entered the military... the chemical reaction … Continue reading Brain chemical reaction has changed…edited

PTSD still not winning….

Stressful day, phone calls that I don't like, but I handled it and was happy with my behavior, so modifying is happening.... We got a realtor and I will be involved more than I would like, but I have to look at the finances of this... we have no clue for sure that check is … Continue reading PTSD still not winning….

Staging to sell our Hawaiian home in HPP…

This is what the inside looks like... It is a cute 1024 sq ft home.... and we have had fun upgrading it from builder quality to Maggi quality... or at least what we could afford... That living room/ kitchen flooring is Pergo waterproof, lifetime warranty and it has actual texture for a man-made material... definitely … Continue reading Staging to sell our Hawaiian home in HPP…

Negative thoughts… working on it…

I remember as a child, after being beaten into submission, which didn't last long... and oh, how that frustrated Freda... she couldn't control me and never could... sorry I digress.... But I am still negative... negative about religion, religious, superstitions, mambo jumbo, magic numbers, belief in ghosts or magic crystals... and don't forget the psychics... … Continue reading Negative thoughts… working on it…

PTSD, I May Own It… but It is still here…

I know this pattern.... no nightmares, no anger outbursts, no going off rail... What I have learned about PTSD, you can have it forever, especially if you don't get help early on... It becomes ingrained into who you are and it becomes more difficult over time to separate if from yourself... It's like a hand … Continue reading PTSD, I May Own It… but It is still here…

PTSD… maybe after 5 decades I own it???

IQ, self-aware... told for years, talking childhood up till I was 29... it was mostly in my head... lol how right they were, just not in the sense they wanted... Humans who think they have a right to judge another human, when in reality, they can not tolerate what they see in the mirror and … Continue reading PTSD… maybe after 5 decades I own it???

PTSD lost this round….

Though I was excited to have Hawaii Life do our listing, we had a communication issue and the commission they wanted to charge, was an amount I was not willing to pay... so no drone footage of our little paradise... though tempted to buy one and do my own... Contacted Help U Sell and will … Continue reading PTSD lost this round….