Tune out the noise….

Today, oh so hot on our little island, Hilo saw over 90 today… and with humidity… it sizzled….

I spent the day, in between chores, watching about Egypt on NatGeo…. I find that show very interesting….

They got into findings that puts a Pharaoh as the one who led his people out of Egypt and the christians took the story and made it about a man named Moses, yada, yada, yawn…

Have you ever heard of the African laws??? Google the ancient African laws… it’s very interesting… thats where the 10 commandments came from…..

One banger up the street, another sitting down the street, booming… Hawaiian flags on the back of vehicles… so little respect for the land, the fauna or the life on the island… so much for that protest on the mountain… sounds a lot like bait and switch crap, just like Trump….

Noise gone, what was I writing about????

Egypt… fascinating subject and the more I learn about the plagues that were caused by a volanic eruption to the water not being parted on the red sea, but actually the wind blowing a path across the Nile.. the more I marvel at people believing anything that bible says…..

Science, history, archeology…. not stories… facts… and that is what feeds my soul…

Probably a big reason why I want to know what those who hurt me know… and they will take it to their grave… christian and coward are the same…

Quiet outside now, no bird song, no wind… AC was freezing me out… so house is open for the night… since my death… I don’t like being boxed in…

Our night is coming early for us… sun sets at 6:22 and we are dark till 12 hours later….this I will miss…. consistent long days of light…

Hurricane is out there, but looks like it will fall apart before getting to us… this is one season that is just nice…. and lots of water for long showers….

Day over, eyesight still goofy, but getting used to it… and in a few weeks the next eye gets done… oh ….. yea…….

Not watching much news and not spending much time thinking about the past… life moves on… and sometimes you just got to jump on the wagon…. it feels like a ride coming on….

I Remember… Margie….

I told a Lie….

Ooooops…. ya know, it’s been as hot as being back in Las Cruces, New Mexico during the monsoon season… and I owned a couple houses in that town for 8 years… so spent a few summers baking…..

On Hawaii, the big island, in HPP where I live… I am only about a mile from the ocean… can walk out my door and listen to the waves crashing on the cliffs and sorry the name of the cliffs, escape me…

And I can walk out my driveway to the road and see the ocean…. so we don’t live that far from water, the sound, the smell, the salt…

But when we lose our trade winds, and we have hot, wet, sticky, humid weather…. 88 degrees…. all of a sudden feels like 91+……

When the eruption last year happened, we are only a couple miles away from the lava flow and you could feel the heat, smell the gas and see the smoke and haze in the air… so we ordered what is called a Fujitsu split AC system… no duct work, just a unit outside and a fan unit up on the wall…

Well when we bought it, I told the kid, I wanted to be able to use it for the whole house, so he upped the unit inside, we are only 1020 sq ft…. Well, I have done everything but the right thing since the unit was installed and because I hadn’t done the right thing… when we were up for sale… I lied… by mistake….

I said the unit wouldn’t cool the whole house and that it wouldn’t freeze you out at night….

I WAS WRONG……..

The damn thing is freezing me out right now at 2 in the afternoon….

That was the one question asked when we had the house up for sale… about the AC and electric bill and by not doing what I should have when we bought it… ask or google info about what we bought… and use it properly… I told buyers the wrong information……

We have been hitting the low 90’s here on Hawaii and we haven’t opened our house up for a couple of days…. and the house feels awesome….

Our last electric bill only went up $10…. so I think I finally figured out how to use this split system and it was most definitely worth the $6,000 to have it installed… it has paid for it’s self the last 2 summers…. buyers will appreciate it, with global warming happening….

So, truth be told… the AC system will freeze you out of this little house… Electricity is not cheap on Hawaii… but you can’t put a price on comfort, definite selling point next year…….

I Remember… Margie…

Those who use Fear….

The fight or flight mechanism is all to familiar with me… mine was active for over 50 years…. I can even tell you when it started…. after my death in Big Springs, Texas at the hands of christians… the ones who use fear to control what they can’t be… good humans…………..

I hated the emotion and the feeling…. and I knew by the time I watched Don Bagwell dying and the circus that was going on… my fear dissolved… it did not disappear until recently… so we are talking 2006 to 2018…. before the fight or flight stopped, mentally and physically….

It mess’s with your blood pressure, it mess’s with your mental health, it mess’s with your physical ability…. it just flat out takes from you and the only reason I had it…. The Chrisitan Religion….. and once I found out the truth about that bull shit religion and the brain started working independent of the fear mongering of christians…. well……

The rest is history…….what psychology says about religion and waking up from the nightmare of brainwashing is true…. it is so liberating…..

The reason Freda & Peggy & Larry & Tiny can’t own what, when and where…. they fear how they will be judged…. hate to tell ya, but that is written in stone on that behavior and the judgement…. life passed it’s sentence a long time ago and their lives prove it….

Fear…. I hope I am helping Mike face his… his demon from his past… once you face the fear, life seems to play out softer, gentler path… not because of others… but…

Because you faced your fears…only you have true control over your world…..

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie and her facing her fears when she died at 13 years old by the hands of christians who stole her body, but not her soul….

Fear Mongering…

Ya know Clinton tried it an Nixon, oh my, that was one of the worse people to create fear over nothing…but….

Trump and GOP Christian base have created a culture of fear, so much so, it is tearing families apart…

All because the christians are telling you to fear your shadow an your neighbor….

I remember America with humanity, until corrupt christian religion….

Art of Blocking Anyone…

Wow, how did I learn this one… the art of blocking people from my life???

It is a art and I really didn’t have to do much…. Just one little tactic….

I never lied to them…. I can remember every person, who stepped in my house and took a gold chain, here, a set of ear rings there… a little cash here… a bag of weed there…. and quite a bit more… as I sit here an grin about the property taken over the years and where those people’s lives are at now… yea, I can sit an grin… a sad one, but a grin….

I have been wrong and owned it… I own it and that is the end of it… some can never do that… it’s the god complex… hanging the apple over your head….. I own it for that reason, when it’s me… most don’t….

When the shooter in Sutherland Springs, Texas….. when it hit the news… on Nov 5, 2017… I never let the thought get far from my mind… and about that time, Freda wanted money back, that should have never been borrowed… and you will have to go back to the start of the blog, to understand…

By Christmas of 2017…. I was writing… by April 2018, I had no family left… though they tried to stop the writing… they tried to stop me from remembering….

The art of blocking… for me…

always be truthful…. people will either respect and walk the same path or they will walk behind ….

that is all I had to do to block the people who beat the crap out of a child…..

Tell the Truth….

I Remember…. Margie….

Every one is so Angry….

I have been talking about the games people play… never got protesting, but I never was part of anything that required protest in such a public way…. until I got my memories back and the living denied me critical health information…. and I got angry…. and I showed it…. just like everyone else in the world… I showed my anger…. and I realized… our anger was being fed by those in power… National leadership, religious leadership, Internet leadership…. all these people in power… were playing all of us….

That is when my anger walked out the door… I took the puppet strings off and decided that my brain had a lot more use, than being led around by Trump, christians, muslims, it didn’t matter… I was using the brain I was born with….

I took what I had to be angry about and put it in it’s place… no longer in control of me… but me in control of it… and ya know what… the world looks a hell of a lot better than it did, when the religious and the leadership were messing with it….

I can’t save the world… but I can make my own a whole lot better…

Those that want to be a part of it, will either make the effort or continue to live their lives always asking…..

What If….

I Remember… Margie…

Splurge… how to deal with climate change

sometimes ya just got too

Hot an humid on Hawaii… This morning one of the mountain protestors banged their noise loudly at 5:30 AM…showing respect for land and seniors๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก

So hide inside, AC blasting an a big bowl of ice cream an blueberries…

I remember home made ice cream….

Dropsie’s…..

Dropsie’s… not sure I spelled that right, but it’s been getting worse and it started in the military… got wrote up for it… so at least if nothing else that dumb ass dentist I worked with did me a favor… he gave me a time stamp on the progression of the neuropathy…. so thanks Dr. Jacobs… that was 1979…. just a FYI, if you were curious… oh and the write up, I threw the instruments that were in my right hand into the sink… and just a FYI, those are not cheap tools and breakage was easy and no, I didn’t throw them, it was involuntary movement… but thanks doc, you helped with my paper trail…. and yea, I got a copy of the write up…. document, document, document… smartest thing this woman ever did….

Last night, I was putting stuff away and grabbed the brand new electric flat griddle and the next thing it’s flying and I got blood flowing out of my foot…. you have no clue how pissed I am… that is the 3rd griddle in the last 6 months to a year… that I have dropped and busted………………………………

Was it lack of attention to what I was doing or was it the inability to keep hold of something I grabbed….. and I got to go with not being able to keep hold…

All this means… it’s a pattern of problems that have been going on since my service time, so over 40 years…. and it’s just another one of those special gifts that christians gave me, by beating me to death….

So nothing new… except… hubby is in town for an appointment and he called to ask what kind of new griddle I wanted and after I told him, one that goes on the stove… I told him to pick up a new electric can opener… I broke ours this morning….

That is the life of a person who lives with damage to their body, not by doing anything to it….But by christians beating the crap out of a child for 17 years….. so gang, I got no love lost for any human that calls themselves anything but human….

Which begs the question, who the hell do I get to vote for president???? Rich get off easy, the powerful never serve behind bars or in orange and religion continues to lie, steal, rape, cheat and murder…. and most of you support it….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell, because you don’t know who is religious or not, until they open their holes….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Neuropathy and it’s damage…

I don’t get all of this yet… got to remember… I got the official diagnosis in Feb 2018, right after my surgery….

The neurologist who stuck the needles in my legs and arms, stated that I had severe Peripherial neuropathy and Autonomic Neuropathy…. both, I knew about, I just didn’t know the appropriate names for them…

Diagnosising your self on the internet is dangerous and thankfully, I have lots of on the job schooling and my own continued education…. so far I haven’t been wrong on any of my diagnosis… the medical side can’t say that…. i.e. fibromyalgia diagnosis, 1998 Spokane VA, Dr. Sheer said I had this… when in reality… it was always neuropathy and I can tell you when it started…. 1960…..

We did our mile walk and I was having very sharp pains, which had been going on for a couple weeks off and on… and I think because of exercise… something is out of place… and I asked Mike if he had some of the same symptoms… remember, he broke his neck at 18… so he’s got lots of issues, he caused himself… and he could relate to my description of pain….

I can tilt my head forward with spine straight and it reverberates down my spine… the pain… the pain that has been with me since Freda beat me with that old fashion yard stick… picture is on the blog, the damage she left behind…

I always wondered why I felt ripples in my arms, legs, and ribs… come to find out that is the by product of blunt force trauma… and since I was never in a bad auto accident… mine is 100% from being beaten as a child by christians… who know their god by the way… cowards… I could chew them up and spit them out…. and that is, a disgusting thought….

The PT kids I asked to be sent back to, taught me a lot… but I need more… because I am taking pain meds and I don’t like to do that, unless it’s dental…. the rest of my body… this is something I have lived with now for 60 years, because a adult who calls herself christian beat the shit out of a 5 year old…. nice christian….

The body hurts and I know I need to work out, to loosen up what is tightening up…. I really do eny those who are motivated to be physical… I do it out of necessity and the desire to eliminate some of the non stop pain a christian thought I deserved….

Sounds a lot like Trump, piss him off and he’s going to make you pay… and boy is the dude making middle America pay…. You can’t fix stupid, stupid has to want to educate and not buy into, “If it sounds to good to be true, you know it’s a con”…. and that is all christians like Trump do… CON….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDdintTell, well look at how Graham an Kavanaugh ganged up on Professor Ford… Who I believe over christians like Graham and Kavanaugh or Trump and Thomas!!!

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

My Escape Plan….

Don’t got one… but… I do love to sit and go off on a trip in my mind…

Sometimes it can take me away for a few minutes…

Sometimes it can take me away for a few hours….

And I just let the imagination grab hold of any thought and let it run….

I have been playing specific type of games on the PC to make my eyes track moving objects… and that allows me escape… and enjoyment, till my wrist tells me I am done…

Some call my escape meditation… As a child, it’s what I used to survive what was transpiring in plain sight and behind closed doors… I never will understand anyone turning a blind eye to abuse… but we did put a rapist in the white house…

Still looking for that depression that should have taken up residence by now… waiting for that short fuse to let go… anything… and I got nada…

Talked with dental clinic yesterday and started that process… been out and about and people were so nice… again, it was early, had to do a fasting blood test… think we found the time and days to do our shopping…

I am using the down time constructively and I am using the active time, to work back what the down time took…

Mentally, it’s just wait and watch…. and most of all hope… but, not all of any of this is out of my control…

we can leave here any time we chose… it’s just not the right time, at this specific moment in time…

Maybe that is why no depression… I have options….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Trumps christian Hookum…

Have you noticed???

Drugs are being provided by American companies and overdoses are being blamed on a WALL at the Mexico border???!!!

Have you noticed every mass shooting has been by a American citizen, on the American side of the wall??!!??!!

Have you noticed people who represent churches are taking their lives, because they are caught in a real life scam?!?!?!?!

Eliminate religion and take power away from Russia run NRA…..

And just maybe America will be great again??????

Leave things as they are, America will never be anything but a cesspool for the corrupt christian base that thinks slavery is a right and one they earned…. because as a woman, I have less rights than a christian or a man!!!!!

SGT USAF DAV I remember Margie an when christians raped and murdered her!!!

Hypnotize Me???

Ever watch this show, called Hypnotize Me???

Reminds me of the jibber jabber I did as they took me in for eye surgery two weeks ago….

Things I said would make a sailor blush….

Less than a month, here comes another jibber jabber๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿคจ

I really do not want to remember next time๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜Œ

Evolution Sucks… so do hot Flash’s!!!

Now that the oral infection is abated…. and the migraine headaches I was having are gone… we are back to normal operating perameters….

When the doctor told me women can experience hot flash’s up to the day they die….. all I could think of was scalping the woman and do a war dance!!!

ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME??????

Come to find out… nope….

Now that I am off the thyroid medication, oral infection is gone… it would seem my body is back to doing what it should be doing as it ages…..

It’s NOT FAIR!!! I started hot flash’s when I was 26 years old and the Air Force took out my organs….

39 years I have had those pain in the ass hot flash’s…. and they are still here…. I can’t catch a break… I really can’t……..

IT’s not like it was when the surgery was done… that was a new kind of hell the female body an brain can go through…..

I don’t need hormone therapy…. I am pass that point in age and body…

Now it’s maintain and try and keep it working properly……

But every time that flush happens… all I can think about is my head out the car window, doing 60MPH…. so instead I turn the AC on and stand in the line of fire…..

65 years old and still having hot flash’s…..

Men really need to take a turn at this… Evolution… here’s your chance… make those suckers deal with all the hormones!!!!

Equality my ass!!! Put a woman in the white house and that will show America!!!!

I Remember… a day, when a hot flash, was because I blushed…. those days are long gone… Now I make others blush…. True Story….

Harnessing my Frustration…

If I didn’t think my neighbors would call the cops, I would let loose one hell of a scream…. only because…. my vision is all over the place….

I don’t know what I expected… but this, wasn’t it…..

One minute I can see the computer screen, good enough to read it… but not well enough to get online and do research… which I am itching to do….

According to the post op, this will go on for several weeks and once that eye starts to settle down, you are getting the other eye operated on and get to start all over again….

I do my cooking by habit and smell, can’t tell certain things when I am cooking, so far, we are both gaining weight, so, guess it’s all good….

As for research, or learning all this new software… not going to happen any time soon…

It frustrates me, because, I have to do something repeatedly, before I have it down and don’t struggle… always been that way, since Texas and the stroke at that moment in time…

Mike is letting me take over the lead on this move… and until I get word what the VA is doing… we know, no more today, than yesterday…. it’s like waiting for this…. FIGMO…. anyone military gets this…..

Called dental clinic and requested new partial… so in a couple months, should have a new one… oh joy for the next couple of months hiding…

Gray kind of day and not sizzling hot, yet…. wet… plenty of wet….everything is flourishing and I hear the bird song on the wind…. and 2 chickens outside my fenced yard… pups sound aspleep at my feet… yep, nice day on Hawaii…..

I have lots of frustration to deal with for a while… but I’ll get answers in the process too…. and for the first time in over a year… the area of bone that had been hurting… seems to be done, once the offending root was removed… infection for over a year…. wow…. at least I got a MRI out of it and that gave me more answers and more questions…..

So lots of frustration… but lots going on too… enough so, we won’t be to bored…. told Mike, time for him to go play some golf and goof off…. he’s earned it… so cooler weather, any time you are ready……

I am working to make the frustration work for me… in little things, and conversations with those in charge… always heard you could attract lots more with honey, than you can with acid…. so I am trying the honey…. time will tell if it works… It won’t work on people like Trump…. no one has that kind of patience…. to put up with the green acres president…..

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell…. because of men in power, protecting men in power…. and women keep letting them do it…. you can’t fix stupid, stupid has to want to fix it’s self…..

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Kidde alarms…

Sitting, early because of roosters, having our coffee and the hall alarm goes off…..

Get the offending alarm and its sibling and shut them down… they never triggered the other two alarms…๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿคฌ

These come in a two pack… we think๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†they are defective… We left the other two mounted and active…. but, these are spendy and now we know how to adjust the other kind….

Plan to put a whole new set in…. an see if warranty is on the fancy pain in the ass kidde ones๐Ÿ˜‚ can not recommend these fancy ones…. go basic, they are adjustable….

I remember how noisy these are….

Never give up….

Depression, can be the worse thing in your life, especially if you have no skills to be able to cope and you rely on religion or internet searches or social media…. all of which, can make depression worse… not better….

When I had questions, I asked… I rarely got any answers that related or helpful… but, I still asked questions…. Even after the way mental health treated my 6 year old, after rape… because it was more important to protect Vance AFB….

Depression is something I have lived with for over 50 years….. My memory tells me, I started experiencing depression around 5 years old….

It walked with me, slept with me, impacted me, made choices for me, led me down different paths in life…. yet… I wouldn’t let depression own me… it tried… damn, did it ever try…. but….

That light at the end of the tunnel, I knew it was reachable… I just had to find the answers that worked for my brain…. not my faith, not my beliefs… but what my brain would accept and I wouldn’t fight…. and once I got the religion out of the brain….

The rest is history… and yet I marvel at the lives lost, because they believe in a god…. and our brains are programmed to go thier… this belief in gods…

Our brains are also capable of reasoning out truths from fantasy….

We just have to chose to not fear life…. and let life fear us… an you can’t do that, if you fear a god….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie… if you feel the need to hurt yourself or anyone or anything else… please seek help… you are worth it….

You prove Religions corruption…

In 24 hours… two church issues hit the news… and one of those, just proves my point and the other one… proves my other point….

When you buy into religion and you are dealing with mental health issues, you are setting yourself up to fail… Religion is based on the reality of stories and not facts, not science, no foundation but faith and stories… that makes the brain conflicted… and sets the brain up to fail…. Psychology says that religion is delusional… and if you have mental health issues, you literally set yourself up to fail… I didn’t write the psychology… just a FYI…. I just read it and investigated it… just like I did religion… so far, psychology has been right and religion has cost lives…. this is in reference to suicide, while saying god is real… never like to see anyone take their life… regardless who they are… life is that precious….

Throw in a church in California that used homeless people as slave labor…

Well I have been saying it from the beginning… Slavery in America is not dead…. only because of your god…. and that church in California proved my point….

I did the religious thing… so did Mike and it cost him… for me… it cost me time, because christians are playing god with life… and mine happen to be one of those lives…

I just happen to take it back from the corrupt hands of christians…. my life is worth fighting for….

doesn’t seem to work that way for those who believe in gods, they would rather throw the gift of life away, than say god does not exist…

But this human… this atheist… knows for a fact, my life is worth fighting for…. PTSD and all… My life is worth the fight…

But, I don’t buy into mans god either… I am in charge of my life… not you or your man made god….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie and the fight she did to keep her soul after christians took her life at 13 years old….

Moments in Time….

Ever follow Hawking or watch his special on the Science chanel??? Dude was brillant, so is Neil and many others… always enjoy the programs they do….

I liked how Hawking talked about alternate universes… which would explain why we think we see ghosts… it’s just an alternate moment in time and the way Hawking talked, the number of those worlds would not be countable… that would be so, just… wow, type of experience… some relate those moments in time to De je vue…. like in the Matrix….

So many theories out there about how we came to be, why we are here and where we are going…. so many to chose from, to make your reality more real…. in your world….

Lately, things like smells, sounds and a flash of memory, hits my senses as if I just walked into a field of Magnolias…….

I am dreaming again, and it’s waking me up, because I am having a hard time facing the memory…..

That light that I held for a short while, is back at the end of the tunnel… again…

I just have to journey to the end… so the light is mine, once more….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidnTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Kidde alarms….

We mounted them as high as you can go, which is where the builder put the hard wired alarms….

So far, we got to sleep, an keep house closed…. an with hot, hot humid weather on Hawaii, I will take it….

If they go off, we will have to go with low tech that we can adjust….

These talking alarms are loud, obnoxious and definitely wake you up… If you have kids or elders, these will get your attention an save your lives or annoy the hell out of those lives๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Sgt USAF DAV

Which way did it go???

I keep looking for it, expecting it, wondering what happened to it… What is IT???

Depression….

I really should be down and bummed and gorging and doing all the wrong things… instead its…

Oh Well….

My eyes are getting done and so far, it’s not cost me a fortune, yet… my teeth will be addressed to a point… any further, that is up to the federal employee playing god….

We plan to do an appraisal, before we go back on the market, so no surprises there…. and I figure if things happen, we will adjust…

So, nope, got no clue where that depression snuck off too….

House closed up, humid, muggy, warm… and very tired of a rooster waking us up, before we are ready… so… I think we may stay closed up for a while, and catch up on sleep…

We mounted the fancy smoke detectors up high… we have the air purifier machine running…. and if those damn things go off, a few hours after we go to bed…. I’m looking for a skeet gun!!!!

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Remembering to Live….

Transitions happen in life… and damn, the screen is fuzzy…. my vision is still not stable… wow, this is a trip, the eye surgery….

Anyhow…. I know the drill… the way I transition in life to circumstances I have no control over….

Example… I called out my oldest… hoping the wake up call would change his path, he was hell bent on… one that would lead to a life of always trying to out guess and stay one step ahead… same kind of con Trump is pulling…

I find it ironic, conversations my children had, or let me put it this way… things they said and did, so they could feel comfortable with distancing themselves from me…my way of life is stricter than any religion I have ever studied… may explain that bucket of shit Freda talks about… it’s just natural for me… to choose the right path, free of mans religious fears…..

Example…. in 2008 I got the official diagnosis of COPD… my oldest didn’t believe I have this illness… so I told him what he wanted to hear… I didn’t have the illness….

Ironic, but I was born with double phneumonia… according to Freda and I almost died or something along that line, according to her verison of events… from that time on, bronchitis was and always has been a part of my life… thus the bio-feed back exercises in the military… to help me cope with the heavy calcification on my rib cage at a young age… the bio-feed back was also to help with coping with the rape of my child and other health issues… but my lungs, it has played an important role in keeping me off medications… I do use a specific type of inhaler to keep my lungs working better… so I can breathe deeper….

As for the transition…. I can feel it happening… It’s the way I cope with those who tried to take from me and put the blame on me… it’s life, because of those who can’t live like I do or envy, I don’t know, I give up trying to figure out why people behave the way they do and call it appropriate behavior towards their child, parent, grandparent or friend…

I call it like it is… you can’t live the way I do, and call yourself christian… just that simple…

Being good, doesn’t require a religion… being good requires a desire to live life based on laws….

We all screw up… but we don’t all own it…

Instead we pray away our sins and transgressions, instead of owning life, we sell it to the highest bidder and for most… that’s a god or the con they are living….

I feel sorry for these people, regardless their relation to me… it’s always comes down to one thing and one thing only in life….

Choice….

I am choosing to transition into how I plan to live the last of my years on earth…. those players that chose a path of lies and deceit… won’t be a part of that life… only because of their….

Choices… and fear of how I judge them… like that really has any value… you have to forgive yourself, so you can walk away from mans gods and head fake beliefs… life is and always will be about one thing only….

Choices….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDdintTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember…. Margie….

SMOKE ALARMS FROM HELL!!!

Kidde intelligent wire free…. have a bad habit for going off FOR NO REASON!!!!!!

These are not hard wired, they connect to each other via Wifi or blue tooth an the battery is good for 10 years….

Only problem, no way to adjust sensitivity!!!! Which means you can not adjust the sensor!!!!

Installed for the last few days and the house is clear of any smoke, yada, yada, yawn… 12 midnight sound asleep and they go off!!!!

DO NOT BUY THESE!!!! They are loud and obnoxious and obviously not worth the expense if they go off regularly when nothing is WRONG!!!!!

Sgt USAF DAV I Remember Margie…..

Progress….. update…

The past 9 months have been fun….

MRI & MRA results…

Finally got the dentist to do something and last night I figured out what tooth they screwed up in the bridge that changed my bite… because I had to take a muscle relaxer to get my facial muscles to quit spasms, that are being caused by my TMJ being put out of place, because I haven’t been able to rest my jaw naturally since the Arkansas VA put the bridge in and made a tooth that I never had…. and changed my breathing, my eating, my chewing, everything… 9 years ago, they left me with this mess….. oh joy….

I expect my CBC next week to show a low grade infection…. and it’s been going on since the Air Force did the Apeoectomy on my 2 front teeth 8 & 9….. and those roots are still in my bone and that is why I have numbness in my maxillary bone, which is not getting better… and it’s impacting my maxillary sinus and has been impacting it since 1978, when the Air Force dentist I worked with did the work…. my white count has gone off chart before and no one figured it out… hello!!!

Been off the levothyroxine since the middle of Jan…. and no issues….

Had a brain wave happen a little while ago… knew it was going to before it did it’s thing… this hit autonomic and caused the pain in the chest that mimics a heart attack… something I have lived with since around 6 years old… pulse is usually just fine and its the stomach and esphoagus that are being irritated by the brain… so, nope it doesn’t feel good…. it’s a vice grip feeling…..

I am going to have fun, going back through this blog and seeing the confusion, contradiction, the loss memory, the forgotten procedures…. as the chaos of the thyroid drug getting out of my body and knowing in advance the wave is going to hit…. I am becoming the one in control and not the body….. it’s interesting, frustrating… add the eyes and dental into the mix…. I am ready to get off this roller coaster of a ride….

Right now, it’s focus on getting my last eye surgery and recover from it… eventually get new glass’s so I can see again… I can see, but the left eye is so bad, it interfers with the right eye… and not wearing glass’s all the time is funny, because you catch yourself removing glass’s that aren’t there!!!….

Weight is stable… no more going backwards… pain meds still being used, so I can tolerate the partials… and doc gave me lots of muscle relaxer meds, which help with my face….

For everything I have ever read about amnesia…. I never thought I suffered from it… no wonder my depression was awful… part of me was missing….

Just saw a bird fly by and snag a dragon fly… nice quiet day on our little street… holding tank full and everything so green and thriving….

I felt intense anger, when doing our mile this morning… Anger at the person who orchestrated all this damage to my body…. so yep, still mad…. in time it will subside… but not yet… it’s not over, yet…..

Surgical procedures just flashed before my eyes…. I woke up, when they were taking the lens out of my eye, it was a weird sight, but out I went, I think I talked, so they pushed more juice…. jibber jabber was what I did, under that anesthesia….

I think it’s time to get a updated MRI of the adhesions… got a feeling something is hitting the intestines again… so weird I know it’s happening… that is what saved me in 1984 and the surgeon listened… the Air Force ignored me… it’s all well documented, which is why I get 100% VA….. and they said I was average intelligence…… 15 years after discharge, I got my 100%… made permanent a few years later… and service connected… not bad for average intelligence….per my peers….

Now it’s just fight to get the care I earned…get the dental done, and I can use Medicare for everything else….

Back to exercising, till my next surgery and they make me stay down another week…. things to do… bowls to smoke…. get it done, before we get hot….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Lifes Gremlins….

We all have them, these little gremlins of the day and night….

We make plans, scheme, arrange and everything goes to hell in a hand basket… because someone else had other ideas about that moment in time….

It, the gremlins… are living in my computer…. for some reason, unkown to me, WP keeps making me sign in… but I am just having to much fun getting under peoples skin… much like what Trump does… but know one knows me…… evil grin on my face…..

Looking for the brighter side, is what and where I seem to go… even when I am dragged back to the dark side, because of someone elses choices…. it’s life…

I have control over one thing and one thing only…. Me……… so people are going to fuck up my world on occasion and I imagine I’ll do the same….

Keeping the positive attitude has stood me well, even when deep in depression… the light at the end of the tunnel was always in reach… now I hold it…

The VA has limited say in my life, only because of costs… and I am finding out with the bills from my eye surgery…. the VA is going to become a thing of the past for me, when we leave here…. I can afford it and I would rather pay, than put up with corrupt federal employees any longer…. or their rude god behavior….

Let the gremlins in, they are only passing through and when it is all said and done… find the positive of the moment and work on that… I know when I do the mood in our home is always up and full of laughter… because those gremlins are just a passing moment in time….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidnTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember…. Margie….

REALLY??? SIGN IN AGAIN???

For real…. just had to sign in again and I never signed out….. there has got to be an answer to why this is happening…

We didn’t lose power… so not it… we did briefly lose satellite signal, but not internet???

I never turned off my computer and it has battery backup…. so not it????

So word press you tell me….

WHY HAVE I HAD TO SIGN IN TWICE TODAY?????

When I NEVER SIGNED out?????

Maggi

Options because of VA health care failure….

I really miss working and having private insurance, even though it was spendy… I always had a option and I had good care for me and the family….

When I had to give up work in 98, I fought for my full disability with the VA… I didn’t know at that time I had suffered multiple strokes and had many TBI’s, one that was severe…. No one ever told me………..

I had been using the VA after my discharge…. when we came back from Japan… but I also was civil service and had insurance…. so VA use was not frequent, until 96, when I started getting off the private insurance… by 98 VA was my primary care….

By 2001 I had won my social security disability, by myself, no lawyers needed… took me 2 years, but I did it… and I got my medicare…. which I didn’t use, but had to pay for….

By the time Mike got sick in 03…. we had lost half our income and were solely dependent upon my VA and medicare…..

Since being on Hawaii, I had Tri West, but now you have to wait for VA approval, so I don’t waste my time with the federal employees playing god at the Hilo office… endured that the first couple years here, enough trauma from that rude woman….

But… I still have options… I am using all of the above… my medicare, my Tri-west that was already approved and the VA……

And no one is talking to each other…………… yep health care in America….

What I do, get a copy of all the records from all the doctors I see… and If I fail to do that… Mike puts all the information about the physian in his notes and I request from them at a later date… regardless, I always keep a copy of what any medical or dental do…. including the eyes…..

And it virtually does zero good…. because, who ever you are seeing, has to be willing to look at the documents or records… and rarely do they have the time to do that… so what do you do???

Educate yourself…. Become an informed patient… Learn about your illness, make sure the professionals got it right… they are wrong as often as they are right, just a FYI on health care…..

I’ll gather all my info from everyone… scan it into the computer, as a memory of what did get accomplished… so that in the future… I don’t go through the same tests again… I can pull from the file and say…. this is what it is…… and own my own health care….a good PDF program is good for this purpose….

We are weighing our options… if the VA screws me on the dental, leaving here will happen in the spring and the house will be up for sale…. so play, maintain and wait…. if the VA does the dental…. Mike is already planting more trees, between us and the noisy roosters…. yep, they got more than one now…either way, my options are entirely up to me… not the VA… we are just waiting to hear what they plan to do, according to the dentist, I am suppose to know what is happening in November this year….and fairy dust makes you fly…..

I Remember… Margie….

Sgt. USAF DAV

No Giving Up…..

Quitting… not part of my make up…. I knew in 98 I was done working… with all the chaos from the strokes and no answers… I was not able to live life and function in a job… and the psych tests showed PTSD….

21 years later and I have my answers and it took me fighting a broken VA system to get them….

The information I don’t share, shows I have had continious health care my whole life… and 90% of that care… Government… via Military dependent, to Active Duty Veteran, to Disabled Veteran to private insurance and medicare kicked in 2001…. so you see, though I don’t say it… I have never been without health care and I have the VA, Military and Civilian medical records to prove it…

My biggest gripe, no matter how many times I complained of the same symptoms… no one pursued them… they wrote them off as part of a misdiagnosis in 98 at the Spokane VA and no one ever questioned it, but me….

I have to own the fact that we moved a lot over the last 20 years… but my care was consistent and on file at each VA…. and civilian records were provided to the VA…..

One thing every doctor here on Hawaii told me… and I mean every doctor…

The records they get from the VA are full of 3rd party rhetoric… you know employee (FEDERAL) employee comments… that have zero to do with health care and everything to do with that federal employee keeping their job… TRUE STORY…. and as with my records…. I have 2 other veterans records mixed up with mine… FYI…… BOTH MALE!!!!!

This has gone on since I was born…. and I am living it’s failures right now…

But those in congress, get the best of care… the majority of them will come out of congress multi millionaires….

And we are just suppose to bend over and say….. May I have some more please???

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… I have never seen morales, values, ethics, integrity, truth, honesty or transparency in government in 65 years and they say they are religious and believe in god????….

Thought gone again… thanks Word Press….

Ya know, I get people are afraid of words…. and I get people just love to play god….

Everytime I have something to write about with brain injury and memory…..

Word press fucks it up by making me jump through hoops, just to get to my blog and write…..

I read about how christians have plotted and planned for centuries, to keep the religion alive, just so they can continue to lie, steal, rape, cheat and murder….

all because they are so afraid to live life on lifes terms… so they hide behind gods, so they can go to their grave thinking their is redemption????

ARE YOU BAT SHIT CRAZY?????????

Sgt. USAF DAV, garlic farm, moat and upside down cross’s….. are definitely in my future….

I ATE IT ALL……..

I was told about 20 years ago that I was pre-diabetic….

Back in the day, I could drink a couple pints of Dr. Pepper, eat a 16 oz steak and huge bake potatoe, smothered, and top it off with a king size candy bar…. and I started looking like what I was eating…..

By 2004, our lifestyle had changed so much, people didn’t know we were still alive…

We quit the bar scene, changed the way we ate and most of all, we got up and kept moving…..

The last few months have been up and down and all around with trying to force the VA to take care of my dental…. when we were at the oral surgeons office that day, they were making appointments for veterans for implants… I asked for those in May 2018!!!!!!

Between trying to get my eyes, teeth and body taken care of…. I have tried to stay on the straight and narrow when it comes to diet…. and I failed….

We went to the store Thursday hungry and bought what we shouldn’t and last night I ATE IT ALL…. or at least I ate a whole Zero king size bar… took a while, with few teeth, but it just melted into my mouth and tasted oh so good…. and by 9PM I was ready for bed….

By 10:30PM…. I was making my first trip to the bathroom and this went on all night…. because…. I am pre-diabetic and I just put my pancreas into overdrive…… and when I do that…. my bladder jumps on the band wagon…..

This is a habit… nothing more than that… I feel stressed, I feel worn out and I feel pissed off…. all because of the Hilo VA, Hawaii….. so much for health care in America by our government…

Ya know, all these morons running for president…. pushing health care….

THEY CAN’T EVEN TAKE CARE OF VETERANS, HOW THE HELL THEY GOING TO TAKE CARE YOU???????????

Sgt. USAF DAV

Rich buy their way out of prison…

Trump is a prime example, got money… no jail time…

Same goes for Hollywood and Huffman an the rest that cheated our kids from getting a fair education….

If you believe in white mans god…. or you have your head up the ass of the crooked elite…. you can fuck over every American….

Hunger games got nothing on the corrupt elite of hollywood an Washington… and christian church….

Sgt USaF DAV

Figuring it out, to save my own ass…..

Peers, hmmmmm, naw, guess you could say I gave up on peers, after the gossip… so nope they didn’t help….

Kids, hmmmm, some lessons learned, my life put at risk to save theirs, rewarding??? I’ll get back to you on that one….

Husbands, hmmmmmmmmmmm… well there has been 6…. The first one cheated on me… the 2nd one was stuck on himself… the 3rd one, fell in love with the wrong woman, same for the 4th… the 5th, no good answer on that one… now number 6…..

25 years married, and we still really don’t know each other… he has secrets and I’ve always known that… people back home do like to gossip… the favorite saying back there… “you don’t lose your wife or girlfried or man, you just lose your turn”… I still find that amusing….. but it’s true….

Ups and downs… we both have them… we do and say what we shouldn’t, only because of frustrated with our selves… and sometimes absorbed with ourselves…. got to have me time once in a while….

With hubby, he has been hearing my stories and suspicions since we got married and when I got my memories back and confronted the family…. any doubt he had, as they say… left the building…. once the MRI & MRA…. I too had to accept the truth….

So far every diagnosis I pushed for, that I told Mike ahead of time would be… has been 100% accurate… both of the neuropathies…. recent infection… which by the way, I can feel my nose again… sinus infection for over a year… and it really works… the nose that is… I bitched about my eyes, my teeth, the numbness, the pain, the headaches, yada, yada, yawn……. and I started that bitching in 1977…. 5 years after leaving my parents house….

40 years to get answers… our American health care system failing on a massive scale….

I have a gift… I use it daily…… Sometimes I get it right and I save my own ass… sometimes I see it right and save yours… as I did with Mike…

Funny, all the obstacles in my way, over the decades… seem to be such small players in a bigger picture of me saving my own ass……

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Patience… do we really have any???

Words, always found words fascinating…. but I couldn’t tell you the difference between a verb or a preposition…. I think that is one course I barely passed…. had to have it to get my graduation out of high school….

I find the interpretations we have, so often disagree with the dictionary…. and anymore with emojis and other forms of communication…. the english definitions are fast being replaced with the modern interpretation…. most of which I don’t get, because I don’t know them… just that simple….

Patience is not a virtue or gift… patience is a choice…. one that I had to work on over the decades….

Not knowing about the many strokes and head injuries, has made life interesting and very trying on any patience I had… but in time it grew….

I knew Mike was dealing with a issue… after 25 years he owned it… now he is working on it… I was just patient enough to let him own it….

I knew I was being played by my own family, and I had to fight denial, before I realized, my patience ran out in 2010, in Freda’s kitchen when I told her I was missing memory…. to walk away and never look back at the woman that gave me life and worked so hard to destroy it… was easy… my patience ran out, when she denied me critical health information…. she is just a woman who gave birth… no tears for her passing shall pass my cheeks… just as they did for Don’s death… patience is not a virtue…. it’s called letting life do it’s job….

I never wanted children, I knew deep down, my body was damaged and so was my brain… but I had to have patience to wait and see what life delivered… Sherlock Homes I never was…. no I was Watson in the wings, waiting and watching… but I was left with a choice, let life live or live my life…. I chose to let life live and it’s been a thankless task, not a gift…….. yet always hope and patience, they chose a good path in life… always hope… it is their lives after all… that is why I gave it to them… and was there… guess that wasn’t enough….

Patience is something I am learning to understand… I know, yesterday the brain wave happened, but it was a chemical reaction, and I enforced patience into the moment… because I recognized the moment in time….

I may not be the most polite person on the planet… I treat people the way they treat me… except hubby… him I push to become more… because I know he is capable…

Everything in life, has to do with our ability to be patient… and let life do it’s job… sometimes it needs encouragement and motivation…. but most of the time…

It just needs us to be patient……

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV

Word Press sign in?????

Really, what is your problem kids????

You just getting your rocks off, to see how many times you force me to sign into my own site????

WHEN I NEVER SIGNED OUT??????

Why bother writing, when you are forced to jump through hoops to just write on your own blog?????

Nope can’t recommend this web site… they got problems….

Maggi

Half glass full….

Never really got that saying or many other droll sayings, that are just brain candy… much like religion is… so is poetry, science, fantasy…. so much brain candy out there…it’s hard to chose….

Post op day… I keep seeing a ball of something come in my line of vision… doc called it gunk, that should dissolve… as for the floaters and other things… a laser may be in my future… but the vision eye test, shows my vision is improving in the right eye… another week of all drops, and we drop to steroid drops till I go back for the last post op, just before the next eye surgery…. wow, another month on top of this month… oh joy………..—

Filling up the pantry and freezer… means I only have to go anyplace, if I have too… works for me, till I have teeth…

I know things will get done, because I won’t back off pushing for them… at some moment in time, I have to take the lead and do the documentation and make a statement, signaling, it’s documented… like we did, when we got VA Hospital directors fired…. you know those jobs are presidential appointments… helped to get 2 fired… and still paying for raising the hell… oh well….

Not the first time the rug has been pulled out from under me… we are set, where we are at… AC is blasting… outside noise no longer an issue… freezing in the living room, so we can cool whole house… lil blankie near my chair…. dogs are happy though… only outside to do what they need…

What gets me, with all the negative lately… no depression… a little pissed, annoyed and disappointed… but no depression… maybe that is why I am dreaming again… the guard is down… acceptance has entered the playroom…. only time will tell…..

Tried shopping in different stores, nice change of pace… but stocking up is what I am doing, so, I can just hide for the time being… I wouldn’t recommend this… I have things that keep me busy… couch potato, not in this house….

For now, it’s be entertained by the brainless wonders in the white house and U. S. Senate… seen this act before with Nixon and the Republican corruption under Reagan… so for me, its brain candy… in a weird way….

Try and gather proof the VA in Hilo is messing around and hope I can get someone to listen… with Trump in charge, seen this before in government, when the leader is a fuck up, the mice play to their hearts content… remember… I started my federal service in 1971…. I walked away from it in 96, fed up with the corruption…. so, yea, it’s brain candy and I told you so attitude… with just a hint of swagger…..

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Health Crisis, how to take on the VA on Hawaii….

So, I am at this crossroads of health issues, created by the HILO VA office on the Island of Hawaii… so what can I do, to fix or get the care they are denying me????

Lets go with a little back story history of why the dental issues the Hilo VA let get out of hand, became a health crisis… and I am not going to get the spelling… I still can’t see to change settings, even on the computer, but I will try…

I was told back in 84 I had a sliding Hiatal Hernia… in other words, my stomach moves up and down… and initially the thought was it was genetic, inherited… but we didn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle… this issue has bothered me since I was a child… which is why I was so skinny….

When active duty, in 78 the doc said, “Your rib cage is so calicified, you would think we are looking at the ribs of a 65 year old”… I was 24 at the time… there is the first clue…

I have had my stomach scoped 6 times… each time the stomach was in a different position, according to the measurments they take, when the camera is in the stomach and yes, you are sedated…. the last scope was in the last 10 years by the VA…. no need for more… it has a pattern that is recognizable to me now… thus the weight loss in 98 that freaked everyone… I was down to 116 pounds… because of the stomach moving so much…

In 96, bladder surgery… in 2008 bladder surgery…. 2009 bladder surgery and removal of transmesh…

In 98 the doc told me my rectum was loose and I was at risk for down the road… so I started trying things to make my bowels work better and not put stress on the rectum….

By 2009 the rectum was detaching, because of the transmesh the VA left in me for a year… damage done…

It took from 2010 to 2018 to get a “Rectocell Procedure”… major surgery… don’t ya just love prompt health care by our government….

Only one problem with that procedure… if I have any more issues with my rectum or bladder, I am looking a a pelvic floor rebuild, the last chance operation… none left after that….

So you see, my diet is very important… I don’t have bowel operation like you do… I have to take enough magnesium, it keeps mine liquid…. so it’s beyond major importance that I be ABLE TO CHEW MY FOOD TO GET THE NURTRIENTS I NEED!!!!!!!!!!

and right now and for the last 3 months, chewing my food is not happening, which puts bigger pieces in my herniated stomach, which has to process large chunks and that means it goes through my bowels in larger amounts and here we are, passing food that is not fully digested and creating a problem for the rectum, just repaired last year…..

I tried adding fruits to the diet and got reminded that the rape at 12 years old, introduced interstatial cycstitis to my body…. so between the rectum and bladder… my diet is fast becoming a non diet of food or more like processed foods that I can let break down in my mouth, without having to chew….. doesn’t make sense I get it… but live in my body, no man could… they would go running for mommy….

Hubby watch’s me struggle to eat and swallow and he sees the spasms my chest goes into, when trying to get bigger bites of food into my stomach…. thus the ice cream, I was able to just swallow it, no chewing involved….

I eat, don’t get me wrong, I eat… it’s the chewing and making the food possible to work with my body, not against it… and I am increasing the amount of magnesium… only one problem with that…

I have adhesions that attacked my instestines in the military and nearly killed me… the pain from what I am doing, is not just with the mouth, but from the mouth all the away to my waste system…. not enough pot to make this bearable… but I am smoking enough to find out!!!!!!!!!

I plan to ask the dentist office, when they open next week for all the documents about the implants and start my own investigation… nothing will come of it… seen that way to many times, investigations buried, so the federal employee keeps the job and the veteran suffers… but…..

It’s called a paper trail that will eventually make the light of day and expose the corruption of the system… maybe not in my life time… maybe it will help the next generation of veterans....

Must be nice to sit in congress and get paid so much and have the best of health care, while veterans like me suffer more than we ever would have on the battle field….

That is a sad but True Story…. heard in the news of military death, via Taliban… when will our lives mean anything????

When religion is no longer part of society and laws and equality for all happens… right now…. so much for an enlighted 21st century….

Sgt. USAF DAV 100% Service Connected………

Eye surgery… what they don’t tell you….

Okay, it’s been a week since the right eye had a new lens put in… and want to talk about a roller coaster ride…

You can be walking and all of a sudden, you have no depth perception and you are walking around like you are marching, because you got no clue how close that ground really is…

Or… like me, you use all your devices, okay not the phone so much, to little screen… but the Ipad, that I expected to see… and I can, if I can enlarge the screen, not all apps let you do that… so it’s useless…

So I get on the PC and use my big bertha screen, BECAUSE… it I can see, without major issues, kind of… okay it’s off and on too…

They don’t tell ya, that your eye glass’s are useless after surgery, because the new lens in your eye changes the view and if you didn’t get the lens that does close and far… which ever one you declined, you’ll need glass’s for… my choice, get the distance lens, so driving, TV, yada, yada, yawn… no glass’s…

If I was a addict of any kind, I would be so screwed with the frustration of having eye surgery and not being able to see…. clearly!!!!!

It’s trial and error… put extra eyes on that has old script in them, and it helps, till the headache starts in the eye operated on…. sigh……………..

Other than my sight… hunky dory type day… Mouth doesn’t hurt… yet, I haven’t put my partials in and they are literally tearing the inside of my mouth up… but I got to eat and keep my weight stable…

Shatz & Hirono bitching about DOD money being used for Trumps wall…. I want to know why they aren’t bitching about this VETERAN, who has been waiting since May 2018 for dental implants and am now in a health crisis!!!!

HOW ABOUT CARING ABOUT THIS VETERAN!!!!???????

we are expendable…..

Day started… time to get to chores.. figure out what I can cook today to eat with as little pain as possible… hope springs eternal… but I am going through a lot of pain medication and it’s only time before my kidneys tell me no more pain med… they have done it before… VA isn’t trying to heal us… they are back to killing us…..

Sgt. USAF DAV 100% Service Connected!!!!! So much for promises these morons take in office…. as long as they get a paycheck they are good….

347% uptake in mass shootings…

Since the assault weapon ban expired… 347% uptake in murders by christian AMERICANS….

NRA loves to party on your dime, just like TV preachers ripping you off….

Trump gets off on watching you an me be brought down by mass shootings…

Saves Trump the trouble of rounding everyone up that does not look or believe like him an his white nationalist base…..

My suggestion, if you are American and a god hugger….. you might want to get your things arranged now… Christians do not give a heads up before they murder, or rape or lie or steal or cheat….

Unless you are Trump an do it in plain sight…. you can’t fix stupid, stupid has to get head out of ass….

I Remember….

Lingering Issue???

Though relieved to have the root out… never good to let anything decay in your mouth, to close to the brain….

That being said… when he took the root out and the dude is good, barely had to wiggle it, kind of pried it loose and grabbed it… but when he did… I felt something I shouldn’t have and that isn’t good….

The front bridge work that Arkansas VA did in 2010, has bothered me, since it was put in and when the surgeon nudge the root he was removing against the root in the bridge, I felt it and I shouldn’t have felt anything, IF… it was healthy…. can I please catch a break???

I have been suspcious that the bridge and endo work done, may be faulty and I will know that next physical, before my eye surgery…. Doc ordered a full CBC plus….

If I have any kind of infection going on… numbers are going to be off in a couple of areas… I hope she is checking my white count… can’t remember if that is part of a CBC anymore… been too long…

If the last bridge is failing, oh dear, what a mess… talk about no more speech… I struggle now, once the partial is out… imagine no upper teeth… oh geez… that may warrant a picture… lol… I am sick… ya know, I gots a condition….

Until I have teeth, we won’t be moving anyplace… I intend to request all the documents from my dentist and start my own investigation… either I take care of it and get my answers…. or I do another letter like I did in New Mexico, that got me black balled as it is with the VA… lol… I need to find that letter, I nearly wet myself reading it a few months back… its in my pc some place, need to frame it…

Post op this week and I am home for most of the month, until just before my next eye surgery and our last road trip to Kona for the year… I’ll be hiding… Though halloween, no one would notice anything if I put war paint on… I’ve been known to do weirder….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Blight on the Land… Mauna Kea….

We have driven this drive so many times… it’s the shortest way to the other side of the island, where we pick up our dogs medication, because it saves us about $500 a year by getting it at costco…..

Our first trips over, the road was rough… much still had not been rebuilt since the lava flows of the 80’s….. it was worse than 4 wheeling, which I don’t enjoy, even though I bought a 4Runner last year… for the home we haven’t bought yet….

This was our first trip over since the demonstrators took up residence…

Out of respect for the people and the property they had every place, I didn’t take pictures or video… not for you, not for me…. this is their fight…

What I can tell you… what was a pristine and beautiful place, is no more…

Now the state is bringing in national guard and out of state police, because so many of our police officers are related to someone on the moutain that is protesting…

The cost to us tax payers… already over $4 Million…. and oh my, that money could have done so much good…. just as with Trumps stupid wall… so too does this way of demonstrating cost the common man and woman……. and with the nation heading into a recession and with the lava flow from last year and hurricane damage we got from last years storms…. this does not bode well for the state of Hawaii….. especially my island….

I have seen the worse side of demonstrating… google the riots of Okinawa, circa 1970/71 Kadena AFB…. this was a very ugly event and we were only kids, being escorted to our school bus’s by the security police… that was a memory I never forgot…. I was only 16 and people had no problem shooting at kids or anyone, that didn’t look like them…

We have to go back over in a few weeks and I hope the drive will be uneventful, like today…but….

You can’t close a blind eye to the blight on the land….

Sometimes, remembering isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…. I miss the days of Aloha….

Pray it away…. #NotMyPresident or god…

Walmart says once it runs out of inventory, it will quit selling bullets????

Hawaii is sending national guard to deal with Mauna Kea????

Why not just pray all the problems away????

Because… Prayer ONLY BENEFITS the person saying the prayer…..

ONLY HUMANS who communicate with each other resolve issues….

Prayer just lines the pockets of the cons who are tax exempt…

Money before humanity… Profit before life….

Sgt USAF DAV

A Defeat is still Success….

Hot day on Hawaii… News telling us the demonstrators are less on the mountain… the impact to people will be harsh, with the holiday season fast approaching… wanting respect for a mountain, but no respect for military dead… I take issue to that kind of demonstrating….

Sometimes a defeat is a success…. I had to pass on oral surgery 2 days before eye surgery… if I had the tooth done, the eye surgery would have been cancelled… so I went with my eyes….

Just got a call from the surgeons office and they had a cancellation… so going over before October, in a couple days, and one less dental issue to deal with…. plus do a little shopping…

Not looking forward to going across the mountain, with the demonstrators up there…. had bad experiences before with people who take the law into their own hands…

So we have a few trips over the mountain over the next couple months… and I doubt it will be enjoyable….

Excited to get root extracted… I can smell it, no matter how much crest I use…. now I can push for a new partial, so I can chew my food….

Sometimes things happen, because of other peoples choices…. someone chose to cancel an appointment and I got the call.. demonstrator numbers are down and hopefully it’s quiet up there……

Yippee……

I Remember……

Challenges… are challenging…

Talk about up, down, back & forward…. I can’t keep up, my head is spinning…

One minute I see fine and the next, well damn I stubbed my toe…

One minute my mouth is just fine and damn I bite wrong and I am in miserable pain….

One minute I am cool as a cucumber and the next, I feel like I am in a sauna….

Life throws challenges at us all the time….

It’s how we face those challenges that make or break us….

I don’t always win or succeed…. If I had, I would be a multi millionaire…

Instead, I am just another speck on the planet, trying to survive and have fun in the process….

Sometimes challenges, seem like a mountain… when in reality… it’s just a stubbed toe….

I Remember… Margie…

Trumpism… is flourishing on Hawaii….

We walk early, because of the heat, so I can get a mile in before it gets to much for me… so we walk before 7AM….

One day, people wave and make eye contact… as we have no sidewalks, so it’s road or lava….. and ….

One day, like today, people won’t make eye contact and they sure as hell don’t slow down….

Makes for a scary walk… which is why I taught our dogs the word “CAR”!!!

We say the word “CAR” and our dogs head for the lava, grass area along the road, also hoping the sound of car, tells them to move over… always hoping the animal is smarter than you think…… they don’t like walking on the lava… stickers, rocks and what ever else someone threw out the vehicle window, which is usually glass that broke upon impact… hello… lava rock…….

Makes for a challenging attitude towards people on Hawaii… and our area, is suppose to be a nice area… ya know respectable, little to no crime… yada, yada, yawn… it’s obvious that changed when the eruption destroyed over 700 homes last summer and people had to find someplace to live… our hood was it….

I told hubby, what about leaving this year… and if we didn’t have a bill, we would… so it’s wait till we hear what the VA is going to do for my dental… which they will be getting a Emergency request for new partials… tired of causing myself issues, because I can’t chew my food completely….

So that will cost the VA a few thousand… and I will still fight for implants… either way, an answer will come quicker than later…. got my heart racing about doing a letter…. I just don’t have that fight in me anymore against the VA…. to many federal employees took their pound of flesh out of me and that fight…

Just isn’t in me… I would rather gum my food to death, till we can leave here and get back home, where I can afford to have a dentist there do the work…. yep, PTSD because of Federal employees and many of them are veterans… just wow… Obama helped us get rid of those employees, Trump hired them back……………….. and people wonder why veterans take their lives… just look in the mirror and how you voted… that tells you who is killing veterans……

I push to make myself go back to places of business that gave me a bad experience… be it the customers or the employees… I haven’t done that since we moved to Hawaii… I just find a new place to shop…. but with me missing so many teeth, I don’t go out in public anymore, except for doctor appointments… so home is my prison, because the VA didn’t do the implants a year ago as requested… nope… making me suffer is on someones agenda and that is a female employee at the Hilo office I pissed off… so pay I must…

Nothing new in that respect… christians have been making me pay since the day I was born… why??? Because the only gods on earth….

Are human…. just look at Trump…..

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie.. who, as usual fights to keep the positive side of life alive, no matter how much other humans playing god impact it…..

WP you got issues!!!…

My Ipad is new… bought it for christmas… so it’s got the most current IOS and I always make sure my stuff is updated and protected…

Looks like WP did a update for the Ipad and Iphone and screwed up…

Okay gang, I have been saying for a while, who ever is doing the coding, they are not doing the vetting to make sure the coding is working… I mean come on, right now, you just got to make sure it works on the platforms you promote…

And right now… you are making my life, more miserable… Ipad is mobile, computer is not…

I have to sign in repeatedly on the computer and now the Ipad is not working with the site…. so guess what kids…..

I TOLD YOU SO!!!!

Human error, rarely is it the programming, but someone who got to quick on the draw for an update…

So who ever is babysitting my site, because of my vision…..

GO BACK AND UNDO WHAT YOU DID!!!!!!!

Maggi

Arizonia Memorial so much for sacred…. its American, not Hawaiian….

Just heard on the news that the helicopter tours are buzzing the Arizona memorial….

This is the most profound memorial for dead U.S. service members and helicopter tour operators think its okay to destroy the quiet of the resting place of so many of our American service members!!!!

If this does not show you Mauna Kea is nothing more than an excuse to get attention….

My bad for bothering you….

Sgt USAF DAV

I smoked my first hooter in 1978…..

I entered the Air Force in 77… never did drugs of any kind… but I did like a good cocktail… learned that on Okinawa, when I dated GI’s…. as a teenager… I was the teen…

But pot or any other drugs, never had any interest… and as I grew, I learned why…

I never could tolerate anything like speed, they gave me a diet pill in the military and oh my, it was Jekyl & Hyde… I passed… caffeine and I, not a big fan… cigs, more of a habit, than addict, quit cold turkey… after 30 years of playing with that… but pot…..

Now pot I was introduced to it in the military… and I found, I liked it, some… but I could tell, something was off with it, and with us growing our own here on Hawaii, free of chemicals, I get what made me like it and hate it back in the day… but… it helped… it calmed the chaos….

Why the confab… Hubby is an alcoholic and he picked up his first hooter 48 years ago….

He was going to college at Las Cruces and was on the Deans List every semester and graduated with a 3.8 GPA…. he got one degree in Architecture and was working on a 2nd degree, when he got ill and had to quit…

The mans brain, supposedly fried, according to science… and he was on the deans list…. now, don’t get me wrong, if he smoked pot, while doing school, he couldn’t remember crap… so, we saved that time for when no school at all… he made good use of my Military benefits… as my going to school, will never happen….

So, as for science and the damage drugs and alcohol do to the brain… Hubby will be 65 next year… and he’s one of the smartest men I know… and just a FYI… he started the booze at 13…he’s working on rebuilding those cells that went pooof…..

So though science has it’s say in our lives… so does, genetics, environment and most of all desire to grow…. only humans have that ability… not so with the religious….

I Remember… sometimes….

I want to stay at the kid’s table…

Funny, getting my memories back has been beyond any roller coaster ride I tried… and yep, been on the corkscrew at Knott’s, got off and cussed in 3 different languages… never did that again… the ride… that is…

I believe the reason my life is so good, even after all the strokes and beatings and rapes and destruction of my career by government cover up…. even after all the screw ups with military and VA health care…

I have the best of lives… why??? Because I get it…

I have lived life, had a brain that would have gone places… had a memory ability, to die for and I did… die for it…. had a personality that still attracts the broken and lost…. had so much void, I thought it would never be filled….

Knowing… knowledge is the drug that makes my world go round and I don’t ever want to leave the kids table… because I thirst for my knowledge….

Not knowing about the strokes and injuries, made life a constant battle to find the person locked away in my brain… not knowing kept me in the dark for over 50 years… because a human called Freda, played the only god known to man… a human god…. as for, forgiveness, it will not come from my lips…

that time passed when I stood in her kitchen in 2010 and told her I was missing memory and she refused to provide information…. life will deal it’s blow… not me…

I want more time on earth to explore all that was denied me and time is running out… or maybe not… I may be the exception to the rule for having had so many head injuries and strokes…..

I hear a giggle in the back of my mind and it’s Margie, reminding me never to leave the kids table….

She’s right… knowledge is the only thing that can make you grow….

I’ll never be far… from that kids table…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Eye Surgery & TBI….

I have had head injury since at least 5 years old, that can be proven… any injury before that, I can’t confirm…

My vision didn’t become an issue, until the stroke on Japan after the Texas beating and near death….

All of a sudden I need glass’s…. and that continued for the next 50 years….

Last week, I had cataract surgery in my right eye… and according to recovery… it could take days, weeks, months or years for vision to stabilize, so you’ll likely need glass’s, if you are among that group….

I can remember getting car sick after the first head injury from blunt force trauma via adult…. from that point on, vision and I never were the best of friends… headaches, light sensitive, depth perception… thus the motion sickness…

This cataract surgery is taking me back to when the first remembered head injuries occured…. and lets put it this way… me and the car, not working together… our road to the highway is up and down little hills for several miles…. not a big enough barf bag and head hanging out window… not happening….

They told me that depth perception could be off for a while and the headache I got in the back of my eye, is telling me just that…..

I think I need to go find the motion sickness pills and sit still for a while…

Enjoy your Labor Day holiday…….

I Remember… Margie….

Pain Delay….

Getting this cataract surgery was the most frightening surgery I have ever had done… only because… DAMN they be your eyes!!!

This morning, I woke up to a charlie horse in my right leg and you could tell that I had inflamed the lower muscle from exercise… so pills popped, limp around to get the knot out and realized…

I never rubbed my eye last night…

This morning as I was doing my thing… I yawned and nearly let out a yelp, the cheekbone, below my eye was sore and obviously bruised, you just can’t see the bruise… surgeon told me that area could be sore from the device they use to keep you eye open during surgery and 5 days latet, yep I know it was messed with…

If I had that root extracted, I would not have been able to tell what hurt… eye or mouth… that tooth is directly below my eye… instincts once again protected me… and my knowledge…. that root comes out a week after my next eye surgery and thankfully that eye is no place near the root being extracted…..

Dreaming, it’s happening, no clue what I am dreaming, but if I remember I dreamed… a memory is coming forward… I do wonder how long this will go on, or if it’s just a part of who I am and something I will always have in my life… does that mean PTSD forever???.

Relief… yesterday the realtor came by, Mike met her, I was in the AC house…. she will do the lock box for us, YEA!! when she comes to the island for the holidays… only thing that will stop that, if the VA is doing my implants… so now it’s wait and see what kind of death care the VA is willing to do???!!!

The pups know I am in distress, when putting the drops in it was a butt dance in my recliner as the incision in my eye healed… yesterday was the first day, I didn’t dance in my chair… so it’s healing…still scratchy, just a little…funny how the pups know we are in pain or sick…and humans just turn a blind eye….

Vision is interesting… try and use Ipad for research and I can’t see squat… can’t take the lens out of my glass’s as they are lightweight and the frames are stable only with len’s in them… so, not much I can do, but just go about my day and hope I don’t cut a finger off, making dinner… Hubby has been very helpful in that respect, after I cut off my fingernail slicing fish up for tempura…. oooooops….

Weather is grey, wet and muggy… had the AC on 2 days straight, it’s so wet, you feel like you are breathing moisture from a lung machine…..at least it’s not brutal hot… but the dogs don’t spend much time outside either… so hot it is… me… I am inside, freezing………..

Relief we are off the market and I can focus on health and not keeping the inside spotless… will be happy to ship our stuff and follow a couple months later… and the house will sell quicker without us in the picture… so tiny living in a 5th wheel upon our return, till the house sells…. oh yea… did that before with 5 dogs… we are down to 2…

Day started, need to go walk, before it gets hot for the day…. watching the hurricane Dorian… and hope family and friends did the smart thing and left…. hope for the best, prepare for the worse….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidnTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

M O O N spells biscuit…

We taught our pups early, for a treat, certain words were used… m. o. o. n. is our go to word for treats

We started spelling out moon, to substitute the word treat…

Fingers are optional… they like their m o. o. n. treats…

I remember…

A wise Man…

A wise man once said… “I do not want to save the world, just my little piece of it”….

The majority of us want free speech, right to bare arms an not fear leaving our home….

For thousands of years, prayer has been used to stop violence, be it mass shootings or rape… Prayer has not saved your little piece of the world….

We all have a chance to change the face of America, by one simple act…..

Vote… with your voice an let it be heard…

Sgt USAF DAV I Remember Margie…

I Prefer Voting, to Praying…

I get under peoples skin, because of my anti religion… no apologies… you entered my world, not the other way around….

Up until I watched Don die… I toyed with the idea of god and heaven and hell… and I started reading… remember all those books I gave away, had to replace fantasy with some reality....

Internet came along and gave me the world library… and as long as I was able to see, I made use of that world library….

As with all religion, they are right and I am wrong… and that is okay, they live in their little world… I live, in the real world….

I think and I know I am not alone on this… but voting will do more to curb gun violence… than prayer will do in 1 million years… they been at it for a few thousand already, and all they have done is prove how corrupt religion is… and that is a well known fact… Catholic, Baptist, Mormon, Jehovah and the list goes to long to sit here….

But people voting, usually do it for the greater good… not so with religion… as victims of the church’s will tell you…

So If I offend, oh well… it’s my opinion, my world and my interpretation of events that came about, because humans got drunk on religion… and tried so hard to silence me….

So I will save my breath on the prayers and send all the positive energy I can to heal those afflicted by gun violence… it will do just about as much good as prayer… but they say it’s the thought that counts….

Personally, my vote is the one that will count yea or nay on gun violence… and it will be up to humanity to decide if enough is enough… until death knocks on your door from gun violence… keep praying… and I’ll keep voting….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Got that Itchy Feeling…

Can you tell when life is about to change for you??? I said I had a gift, is that it???

I am itching to get back into research… one moment I can see everything clearly, including print and it’s gone in the next moment… it’s teasing me…. and it’s utterly unfair, but oh, so much fun….

I can see again… granted only out of one eye, but I can see colors and off and on other things… guess what they said is so very true, time is what makes the choices on my eye sight… but, I have laser work needed… I have floaters…. oh well, I can’t win on health, just not in the stars…

I’m ready to move, but things are being done, need to be done and when life throws a wrench into your well laid plans, oh well… not everything goes as planned… most of the time, but that bump in the road, called other people making choices that impact you… played into our plans…

Growth… you hope that others grow and you too… you hope that going home and the choices we make are the right ones… we won’t know, till the end of our days….

The itchy feeling is for growing, learning and experiencing new things… push outside my comfort zone even more…

We are trying a new method, when we are out and about… no encroachment into anyones space and just constantly watch ours, so that just maybe, being out and about can be pleasant again… if we pretend, all is well…….. Trump does it with such ease….

The waiting on the VA for answers and decisions… is like being active duty and that is ridiculous… I did my time, they work for me… not the other way around…. so, torn about implants, as we plan to leave next year… to late now, with my eye surgeries happening…

So the itchy feeling is there and that is a good thing… I am ready to move on….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remembe… Margie…

Need a Directional Finder???

Anyone with a TBI can relate to this, especially if you had a severe one….

You are either a planner or you live in chaos… and most, from what I have been exposed to with head injuries… most of us are planners… we like things orderly, only because… the TBI introduced Chaos into our minds.

Getting my memories back has helped with the chaos… getting the oral infection that was spreading under control also helped with the brain… and being able to tell the difference between an abnormal brain wave and it’s symptoms and the weirdness of hot flash’s from menopause… just a FYI ladies… doc told me, hot flash’s can last up till the day you die… True Story… (I nearly decked the lady when she said that, true story)…..

But when the abnormal brain wave happens, I get chaos, like a seizure, which is why I am willing to have Neuro do more extensive EEG tests… I know I can control this, with knowledge… I hope…

Doc has ordered a full CBC plus for the next physical in a few weeks… I am curious… any sign of infection left??? thyroid numbers staying consistent??? eh… that’s the only questions I got.. oh an white count….

Outside hanging laundry and the halo in my lower right peripheral vision… hoping that settles down in time… or sun glass’s are a definite purchase… no new eyes, till a month after both surgeries… so new eyes, maybe in November… which, by the way… the VA is suppose to decide if they are doing implants???

I mean this pencil pusher is pushing for a lawsuit… not being able to chew, is killing my hiatal hernia which likes to move around and that is creating real health issues…

Mike, I keep informed, so he knows what and who to go after… diary, not so much…. food and I not on friendly terms again…

We are talking of options… VA should give us info in a couple months… Senator should be able to tell me why I had to suffer for over a year…. doctor ordered consults for neck and trigeminal nerve and neurology… so lots appointments will happen while here… and maybe more answers….

If no implants, we ship our stuff home in the spring, I pay that off, and we follow a few months later, making our move as debt free as possbile… so glad we got kids who can unload a container into storage, back home…

Another year on Hawaii, and in the news, business are going under because of the protestors… property being built, and they have to sell because the job is gone… protestors are thinking of themselves only and this is really going to cost all of us here, because of them and Trumps tariffs….

Hot outside, kept the house closed all day and night, to humid to open… and it’s stayed nice and cool in the house last night, in fact, we were under blanket by morning… so the AC does do a good job, with a little strategic fan placements….

I am hoping the mood changes on the island, but it’s been this ugly since we moved here 3 years ago… the Aloha, like the seniors tell us… is gone and it is evident in some areas…

No migraines, no hot heat in the brain… and thanks to my sinus clearing up, I can taste and smell everything… needless to say, cleaning is being done… and air purifier is running….

Still trying to figure my bite out… I have gotten better at a different resting position, but that’s only because my eye wakes me up itching and I am more focused on that, than the jaw…. can’t win… honest… caught myself rubbing my eye at 2AM… oh joy…

Still can’t tolerate the heat and humidity… so the house is my prison, unless in the car… with AC… the neuropathy is taking it’s toll and the numbness in the maxillary, is more pronounced with the missing teeth, but it’s been like that since 1967 and the near death and stroke….

Chores to do, things noted… Twitter is fun, waiting for that day, when they shut me down… as for Word Press, until I can see up close and read the stuff for this site, I’m not sure what the issue is… just very tired of signing in, when I NEVER signed out….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Rape… the taboo subject… edited

Rape is not an easy subject to talk about… It has been in the fore front of my thought process, since Trump became president and watching Kavanaugh get put on the Supreme Court, under the guise of christianity….

Every rape I was forced to endure, was by a christian…including the raping of my soul by christians… the body they took, the soul I took back!!!.

The first rape, I was 12 years old, he was a Staff Sargeant in the Air Force and he raped me as I lay next to his 6 year old daughter, in the middle of the night…. I was the babysitter….

The next rape happened in Bonita, LA… up the street on the corner at the gas station… Freda was out having her fun getting pregnant with my half sister… and the sister younger than me… showed me true christian love, with her spite and envy…. again I was only 12 years old…

About that time is when the IC, I can’t spell it, but will try… it is called Interstatial Cystitis…. painful and impacts the foods you can eat, such as breads and fruits… all from the SSgt in the Air Force… that said he was a christian….

The next rape happened on Okinawa… night of the foot ball game, and he worked for my dad and was in the Air Force… I was only 17 years old…

The next rape happened by a cousin, upon our return to America… I was 18… take and you shall recieve… he profess’s to be a christian….

The next rape happened in uniform… I was in between one of my many marriages and was invited to a party off base by a couple of officers… and when I reported the rape, I was asked… “What did I do to invite such behavior”…… The drink tasted funny and I have bits and pieces of that drugged night, but the faces of the men that took their turn, never left my memory….. so much for officers and gentlemen….

All this happened before I got to the age of 30…..

Men who profess to be christian, just like Trump, Kavanaugh & Thomas….

Want to call me a liar… oh please do… I remember each and every man…. and the house the officers lived in, Enid, OK……….

Rape is not a subject I talk about… It, the christian form of faith and cruelty has touched me my whole life….

Christians have done more damage to America’s Democracy, than any war, ethnic or sexual orientation impact….. Christians like Trump, Kavanaugh, Thomas, Moore, Mcconnel… have infected our nation…..

Another shooting in Texas… not at the border… not by a border wall… in a small town called Midland & Odessa… we used to hear the news about the kids games, those towns were a part of our environment, when we lived there…. how sad, that a mans sick words can do so much damage… and I am referring to Jesus christ and Trump…..

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie, and the face of each rapist wafts by in my mind… you never forget, when someone takes from you…. never ….

I left one out deliberately…..

Do Not Follow…..

Leadership… I have seen real leadership, worked under it, enjoyed it, respected him… he was a 3 star general at Yokota and one of the nicest guys I ever had the pleasure to work for…

I always had good work ethic… enjoyed most jobs I did, regardless how ugly it was… it kept a roof over me and my kids head and clothes on our back and barely food on the table… but we survived….

I had no desire to be a leader… and when I made rank in the military, I was acutely uncomfortable… so I did honor guard, to build my talents of supervising… that I enjoyed… the honor guard… supervising… not really…

But anyone who knows me, knows I can be bossy, so it’s in there some place, this leadership thing… but I have no interest in it…not because I don’t want the job… but because I remember….

Peggy made a comment once that we raised our siblings… at that moment in time I had little or no memory of my siblings as children… and to this day I can’t tell you if we did or did not… my first time as babysitter, was before Don went to Vietnam and I was 12 years old… so I doubt we had much to do with the little ones… why the lie, you’ll have to ask her…

Being a parent, I found intimidating and very over whelming… add a ex spouse in the mix and a kid… oh boy, has that been one soft shoe manuver….

Values, ethics, morals, honesty, integrity and most of all truth… always tell the truth, even if it hurts… these are my 10 commandments… so no… do not follow me…

I have no desire to be your inspiration, voice, reason, excuse or brain candy….

I am just a human, who fought to take her soul back from humans that became drunk with power… called religion….

Religion has done more damage to Americas democracy, than any war on earth… and that is a True Story….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

We are what we are….

This is a good article, raised to believe this was a evil life style, I quickly learned the evil was in the word christianity….

DNA testing is fascinating…. That is how we proved our roots….

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-49484490

Moments in Time….

Traffic driving by… sound of birds…. The wind blowing the tree tops as if doing a Hula dance for mother nature….

Lawnmowers going in the background….

All around, a lovely day on Hawaii….

When quiet moments like this come along, I have hope it will trigger a good memory… and it usually does… but only from my time as an adult… none from childhood…

I used to wonder why I was so fascinated with the stories like, “The Many Faces of Eve”, or Alfred Hitchcock, or The Twiligt Zone or best yet… The Outer Limits……

I never got into the Ozzie & Harriet show, or Leave it to Beaver, or my 3 Sons, yada, yada, yawn… feel good head fake… that was not what was happening in our christian home, far from it… by many involved….

I often wondered why I read psychology about people assuming another persons role in a family or the manipulation of the religious right wing mentally ill…

Over the last 20 months… I have remembered, and it really does explain my fascination with the above subjects….

It was fun getting into the minds of the above sciFi writers minds… it helped me navigate the mental illness in my own parents home… and it is still there today… all my siblings are under her spell… you really can’t fix stupid… no matter how many degrees you get….

I plan to submit to more extensive EEG tests… I think the brain wave is something I am learning to control, now that I am fully aware of the activity… but for me, I need more information… just like a computer program… the more complicated the code, the more it is capable of doing… same with the brain… the more aware of the issue, the more you can work to fix it, or at least adapt to it… for me… it’s, fix it…

Ghosts of memories are here, they float by and tease me… like a good ole fashion strip show, not like today… but like Gypsy Rose Lee time…. yep, I am that old…

I think the more I understand the brain wave and its interaction and location…. and I understand the area that has damage… the greater the chance of me recovering all my memories… does that mean my memory ability will change???

Nope… the damage is done, you can not reverse damage, but that doesn’t mean the information is gone for good… and that is my goal, as we spin our wheels, waiting on the VA and hoping to sell in the next year or so… recession may have a say on that subject… oh joy…. this summer is already a scorcher, last one was too, next summer, oh boy… warmer water, more hurricanes, like the east coast is seeing….

Thoughts and good vibes to all those in harms way….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…and her vivacious laughter….

I WANT to be depressed!!!

Okay, I give up… Uncle… you name it… over it…. and where the hell is my depression????

Honestly, with all I have been through… the way my kids did me… the way my family did me… the way the federal government does me, regularly….

I should be DEPRESSED!!!!! and I am not…. wow………………………..

Knowledge, if the family had done the chrisitan thing, be honest, truthful, own their lives… I wouldn’t be writing this blog… instead it would be a full blown fantasy write… which is where I used to live in my books….

Not knowing about the stroke and the fact so many lied… from father, to mother, to sister to brother to grandmother and aunt and uncle…. all christians who lied…

Yep, got no use for religion or the humans that cling to it… but……. where is my depression????

House didn’t sell, implants have not been started after 15 months of non stop pain… Eyes getting done on my dime… when in reality… I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BEG FOR MY VA HEALTH CARE!!!!!! but no bother, now they are just murdering us again… seen that before…

Still, where is my depression??? Other than being restricted on physical activity… I have done all my usual stuff, plus some… which isn’t much, when you can’t see, but still big Bertha lets me play games, don’t win, but I can play…

I honestly thought I would be stuck with PTSD for the rest of my life, because I have had it most of my life…

Who knew a little bit of knowledge could go so far… I did… but the living isn’t telling me, they are telling their god that lives in their head…

Maybe it is better I keep my distance from them… gods in your head… yep, you be bat shit crazy.. yea but, showing up unexpectedly, would so be worth it, just saying……

I should be depressed, but I’m not… just tired of this itchy thing in my eye… which is slowly fading away… the itchy that is…an hoping the VA gets its head out of its ass and starts the dental implants… Monday dentist gets called and told off market and I want a brand new upper partial… either way, it’s going to cost the VA…..

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

I can’t see to read…. edited

One draw back with this eye surgery…. I can’t see the screen on my Ipad or Iphone… to little and can’t use my glass’s, because my vision has changed… kind of a catch 22 on this eye surgery…

Now my monitor, which is 3 times wider than yours… makes it possible for me to see the typing as I do it… and fix errors… not so on the small devices… I am at the mercy of the red lines, showing miss spelling…

This is going to go on for the next two months…. oh joy……

Had to sign a form from the realtor taking us off the market… Mike had to read it to me and show me were to sign… not good when doing legal business, if you can’t see and make rational choices…

This real estate mess is all on me and nothing more to be said… I own it… and next time around, it will sell… I learned from this lesson and it’s a expensive lesson….

As for typing… I started typing when I was in high school on Japan… one of the few class’s I remember… barely… it’s just with the neuropathy, I have involuntary movement and will get ahead of myself typing and make a royal mess… so trying to slow down…

I may not be able to read this again, unless on the PC… so it will make for a interesting read down the road, when I can see…. again….

I Remember… Margie…

Big Bertha, my eyes…

Off Market…

Out of 7 houses I have owned since 1988… this is the first time I didn’t get one sold….

You take risks, or sit and speculate of what IF’s… Speculating is Trumps thing… not mine…

So….. here we sit on Hawaii… the one place so many want to move too… and we want to move away from….

Our original plan after our first year here… do 5 years… leave the spring of 2021…. that is looking more like a reality and achievable goal…. but….

We know if the VA does not start my implants…. we are shipping our stuff home, next spring and following after the house sells…

We furnish the house and all you need… groceries… means leaving stuff behind, but when I figure the cost of staying…it’s a push financially…. easier to start over on the mainland… than here…

Here, it will cost someone about $15,000 to set up house… this way… all you need is your food and satelite reciever…. for DISH…

Could we have done that to begin with… yep, but… again that pain in the ass word… crime was an issue, because of last years eruption… and leaving the place full of stuff… it wouldn’t have been here for long… just that simple…

This way… our stuff, that we keep, kids will put it in storage for us… we make sure the realtor can do a lock box… and every showing, we throw our suitcase full of meds and jewels in the car and leave for a couple hours… we are out of the way, and the realtor can sell the house…..

That way, all we got to do, deal with air lines, dogs and shipping our vehicles… much easier move and less clutter to cloud the buyers imagination… it is a little house…

If implants are happening… it will be spring of 2021, we pack up and leave and the house is empty… by that time the recession will be hitting, and me replacing everything on our income… to spendy….

Always options in life…. you just got to make the choices when the time is right….

Got out and did my first walk since surgery… could see the mile down the road to the ocean… not super clear, but not clouded either… looks like glass’s are still in my picture… oh well…

The new build down the street is up for sale, not a good sign… I can’t compete with a bigger home, brand new and not far from me… got a feeling the recession has already hit us… just by the price of everthing they ship to the island… buying local is cheaper, but less options… here we go again…

Succes is not measured by what you accomplish… but how you face the failures along the way and learn from them… we learned from this failure….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Above the Law….

Have you noticed??? If you believe in gods or superstitions….

You got rights…

If you say god is hookum and superstitions are for the mentally ill…

You got no rights???

They say in America, psychology is used to lock up the mentally ill… the ones that will lie, steal, cheat, rape and murder….

Why haven’t you locked up christians… that is their MO!!!!

Not even 6AM and we have bangers up and down Makuu street…

Sure the land and the seniors are worth something…

15 minutes of fame on national TV, saying a mountain that is made of rocks, and soil and bacteria…. has a soul???

Really when did it tell you that????

I Remember….

SCREAM!!!!

Ever get a eye lash in your eye???

Or scratch your eye ball???

This glue crap they put in to hold the new lens in place, is like having 100 eye lash’s in your eye an you just want to ram your fist in your eye an just rub an rub an rub…..

Woke up a couple times during the night, found myself rubbing the eyebrow area above the eye operated on….

Want to talk about trying your patience an how many times can you shove your hands under your ass to quit….

ITCHING!!!!

Ugh… I remember….

I.G. Complaints Against VA…

Yep I filed a couple, and after the first or second one I did, back at Las Cruces, New Mexico… aginst the El Paso VA… in 2011… my VA health care has sucked…

No better words than that…

I have medicare and have had it for a while now… so I got my care through that off and on, till we moved to Hawaii…

Made the attempt to use the Hilo VA facility and the rudest of children work at that place, so I gave up with them, and used medicare, until I could get the Tri-west… and thanks to Trump, we are back to waiting for VA approval, so, Tri west is useless… just a waste of money… and rude employees… so much for civility in America….

We had veterans die before under other Presidents, that were Republican… Obama, at least he made it possible for people like me to file complaints… but he couldn’t protect us from the thin skin federal employees, many of them veterans… bigotry at its best…

I have been traumatized more than a couple times by federal employees… so I try to make full use of the medicare, when I can afford it…

Veterans dying under Trumps administration by homicide… go back and look… it’s not the first time…. and as long as christians have a strangle hold on democracy… more will die…

Sgt. USAF DAV 100% service connected…. I fight daily, victories are small, but sweet… VA will not be the one to put me under…

Assumptions took a healthy bite…

Keeping myself honest and not allowing for fantasy or wanna be moments in the past… is just who I am… I told a lie once and got caught, never did it again… remember… short term memory really sucks….

Tried reading a paper on memory making… itching to get back into research… how ignorant I was, going into this eye surgery, and can blame no one but, self….

At the other clinic, they had you watch a video and answering questions, just was not going to happen… thus medicare taking care of my procedure… the VA would just now be getting me in with someone else… and I saw the eye doc in Feb and he referred me for surgery… honest Tri west and the VA, complete failure… and rude….

Anyhow, because I had watched the video at the other clinic and I tried reading about the procedure and getting the information to stick… well obviously something I read didn’t stick…

Restrictive activity after cataract surgery…. holy crap on a cracker, you would have thought I had major surgery… but I get it, because I forgot and did it and I get it… the secret…

DON’T bend over… talk about a head rush and pressure… ouch…. so upright and squats for the next week….

I thought it was only about 72 hours of down time, uh… I was wrong… a full week of being a well kept woman…. I think the realtor taking us off the market was a smart choice… I have to do this again in 5 weeks…

Anytime someone comes up with a way to transfer our conscious into a robot… old age is catching up… still got some hair raising to do… necessity… the mother of invention…

I Remember… for now…..

My own body, BETRAYED me….

Really sucks, when something you think you know… get a test and something happens and someone says… oh guess what you are a “Super Taster”!!!!! NO IT’s NOT A GIFT!!!!

I just did my eye drops, one is for pain, one antibiotic and one a steroid… and you are suppose to wait about 5 minutes between the 3, so they can take affect…

Well, this is my 6th day of doing 2 of the drops and my 3rd day of doing the last one… and all of a sudden I taste this weird metalic taste and I know in an instant, it’s the eye drops… read something some time about glands, ducts, salivary, yada, yada… yawn….

Just a FYI, they taste like metal, acid, salt… just not pleasant…

I mean really, can I not catch one break after any surgery????

I think I do the drops till next Thursday, when I go back for a post op, but there is another appointment at the end of Sept for post op… oh boy, I need mints or something to taste when I do these drops 4 times a day…. ewwwww…..

I Remember… Margie…

Fear… the mind Killer…

We are born to dream of falling… did you know that??? According to psychology, it is normal behavior, which is why I dismissed my dream of falling for so long…

I became scared of heights and in the blog I write how I was fearless up till 8 years old, so I went to the top of Tokyo Tower in 68… Didn’t like elevators… and when that made no difference, I took flying lessons at Yokota AFB… took off and landed a couple times… never could tell the difference between road an river, now I know why… and that didn’t stop the fear of heights… nope, what did stop it????

Peggy told me in the last few years about how she walked my sleeping body across the top bunk and dumped me on the floor… yep, she kept that secret over 50 years… remember, uptake on the back of my skull, hippocampus, yada, yada, yawn….

Once the memory came back of the repeated drops… my fear of heights was gone… even took our guest zip linning here on Hawaii this year, no fear…. in fact, kind of okay type activity… been up the ladder working our 12 foot ceilings, no fear… PT had me do some funny exercises, and the kid said, you have no fear… and it seems, I really don’t, but that is a misnomer… I do have fear…

Without fear, we do stupid, we take chances and we do what we really shouldn’t… it’s not evil that happens in the world… it’s just people not afraid of the reprecussions of their actions… they didn’t sell their soul… they get off on it… humans are really no different from animals… see that every day…

I have some fear and once in a while it will cloud my judgement and it will costs me in the end… and if I repeat the action, I got no one to blame, but myself, for letting fear rule and not me…

Fear kept me from seeking answers for decades in a more blunt direct way…

Not anymore….

I Remember… Margie…

Anesthesia, Hippocampus & Thyroid…. Aha TBI moment…

Lets see if I can count all the surgeries since 1973… because I can’t tell you about before 1972, when I was getting my head beat on… so lets see if this thought that just came to me is right…

Tonsils… 1973 San Francisco, Army facility….

Childbirth 1974 Sacramento civilian facility….

1977 appendectomy April, Quincy, CA civilian…

1977 June, childbirth same place as Quincy…

1977 tubes tied day after childbirth…

1978 partial hysterectomy, Sheppard AFB…

1980 finish hysterectomy, Sheppard AFB….

1984 scope and sent back to room Yokota AFB, Japan

1984 next day, major surgery to remove adhesions from my strangled instetines…

1996 bladder surgery, Wenatchee WA, civilian….

2001 & 2002 Breast reduction, Seattle VA…

2008 bladder Tuscon VA….

2009 remove transmesh that caused rectocell, Tuscon VA….

2011 leg surgery, El Paso VA….

2018 Recotecell, Queens, Oahu, HI civilian….

2019 eye surgery, Hilo, HI, civilian….

I tried to list every surgery that I can remember, where I was sedated for more than a few minutes… I didn’t count the colonoscopy or bladder exploratory…. they didn’t have the same level of deep sedation as the ones mentioned above…. now what the hell does this have to do with anything…

Okay gang… remember, this is my diary… I don’t exactly have that excellent memory ability like I did as a kid, so, document, document… is what I learned working for the Staff Judge Advocate on Japan… best lesson I got from any job…. back things up with evidence… and make it good evidence….

All the above surgeries were with heavy sedation…. and most of them except the ones on Hawaii…. they stuck a breathing tube down my throat…. and I got to remember the damage they can do, by doing the breathing tube… and it has been found already… or it could be from the strangulation boob incident….

Anyhow… my point… I am sitting here in a robe, socks, pajamas and it’s 75 degrees outside and inside……. and Mike is running around in tank top and shorts… get my meaning….

The hippocampus is something I was reasonably sure had been impacted by the drops off the top bunk bed for a couple years… remember… thicker area in the back of my skull that was found when I was turning 30… and repeated bone scans showed my skull actually continued uptake during that time… it did eventually stop and I have been taking calcium ever since… and the bones have actually been doing the normal stuff, not the healing stuff, my body did, until I was in my early 30’s…

Someone, a health care professional, who saw one of the pictures I use for the blog, showing Margie around 5 years old and I guess to her, I looked malnourished…. I may have been… I found it difficult to eat, swallow and digest food after the TV interview beating… that’s my label for that memory…

I was called skinny weenie, olive oil, and numerous other thin jokes until I became an adult… I even didn’t look pregnant… so it’s a struggle to keep the weight on… which is stable again, finally (ice cream helped)….

I am cold… and the only time I deal with this kind of issue when it’s warm outside and inside…. anesthesia and it’s affect on the hippocampus and enochrine system, I think…….

I have set up my next physical before my next eye surgery and I know the doctor will want to test my thyroid… and I am curious too… are the levels staying consistent… if they are… I should have never been put on Levothyroxine and was being poisioned the last 26 years….

3 thyroid tests and the level does not change… that is what should be required before they put you on thyroid medication…..

Anyhow… It usually takes 72 hours for my body to get the anesthesia out of it and its impact on the brain to go away….

At least I have warm clothes and know why I am cold and not freaked out over imagined issues…

Again it comes down to the fact Freda could have saved me lots of grief, lots of surgeries and lots of issues… by just owning what they did… we could have built on that honesty… instead, she made sure my life has been a living hell, because she thought her secret about Donna and her affairs were not known….

They were never forgotten mother… just not mentioned… we didn’t trash you the way you trashed us….

I am mentioning them now…

I am very curious to talk to a neurologist again….

I Remember… Margie….

A Memory…..

The last few months, waiting on eye surgery, got me to thinking about when I first saw an eye doctor….

It was Japan, Johnson AFB and I was about 14 or 15 and both parents, Don & Freda… took me to see this eye doctor… don’t you find that strange, that they would accompany me for a regular eye exam at that age… both of them… 1 maybe, but both???

You see military dependent care, you have to be 16 back at that time, to go see doctors on your own… so yea, you had to have an adult… but why both???

Remember, I told you, after we got to Japan about the beating and I am pretty sure I am right, because I lost about 6 months after the stroke…

yep, they gave me another stroke, because I pissed off Freda & Peggy… such good christian women… about as thin skin as Trump and that is beyond pathetic….

Anyhow… I had just recovered from the near death… when my heart stopped and I had the major stroke… when I lost 9 months of time…. so when we get to Japan… Peggy is into what ever she wants and the slave… (me) was denied any outside school activities… someone had to babysit the brats while the adults played and Peggy was just to special to babysit our brothers and sisters….

so one day, I said something that pissed off the two vipers and when Don got home, to that thinly built off base housing…

He beat the crap out of the daughter he killed in Big Springs, Texas and got locked up in a psych ward for and told fuck up again and you are out of the military… well that one moment in time, Freda didn’t care… she wanted revenge, because she didn’t like the truth that came out of Margies mouth… neither did Peggy…. such good christians…

So Don beat the crap out of me again and I had a stroke… this time, things changed… because they knew if I remembered anything, Don would be arrested and the kids would be taken from Freda….. so they played me from 1967 till 2017….

Don, Freda & Peggy, played me… and continued to play me, until Nov 7, 2017 when I remembered the night Margie died…..

So, the reason for the write… they both took me to see the eye doc… Freda knew I had suffered a stroke and she knew if they could see that stroke in my eyes, they would be in trouble and would have to start scheming to keep their secrets from becoming public…typical christian….

I never forgot Freda’s hate and envy… nor did I ever forget Peggy’s cruelty, because life dealt her a blow and she envied me…. just wow… so much for christians and all that jazz about morals and 10 commandments… just wow….

It’s like I told them at the clinic for post op… I have seen floaters in my eyes, since the first brain injury at 5 years old and was dismissed and told not possible… well guess what dumb ass’s…. even after surgery…. they are still in my right eye…. all because CHRISTIANS beat the shit out of a 5 year old…

Such brave people these humans that need a label to hide behind called christian…….

Just a FYI, my closet is open, light turned on and bare…. how about yours??? I have never had anything to hide… EVER!!!

But I’m not a christian… just a human that will make mistakes… as is the only way we grow…

not so with christians… who need that label to protect them…..

I Remember… Margie….

I told you so….

Like I said before, my eyes and teeth, something I stayed on top of, because everything the VA told me, they got wrong…

What gets me… my right eye, which is now over all the sedation and dilating medicine… the pupil in the eye operated on, is back to it’s tiny little itsy bitsy size… my left one, twice the size… and it’s been that way for 20 years…

I told eye doctors, at Spokane VA, at private eye doctors and El Paso VA and more private doctors, like the one I saw at Sams club before we moved…. and saw another eye doc, in 2017 and 2019…. none of them mentioned the large size of my pupils over the years and I complained of double and blurred vision… !!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAPPEN TO EDUCATION IN AMERICA!!!?????

With my right eye, I can visibly see the long cataract on my left eye and can see the pupil is larger in the left eye, trying to see through the guaze type substance that blocks light….. 20 years I complained…. 20 FUCKING YEARS!!!!

I quit reading my books back in 2001 and gave them all away in 2006, when Don died and we couldn’t get out of town away from the psychos fast enough… I gave the books away… you really can not fix stupid, and it becomes more apparent why they got pissed at me, an uneducated patient, that knew more than them, the licensed college educated idiots called doctors….

My hippie doc I got now, that’s my nickname for him… has gone above and beyond to inform me, educate me and insure I get the best of care… it will cost me a couple grand, from what the staff told me, using my medicare… but….

The eyes are the window to our souls…. just look in Trumps and all you will see is Trump…. souless… a typical christian….

The eye is annoying with it’s glued together seam, which really is the only irritant, that and putting those 3 stinging eye drops in my eye 4 times a day…dogs freak a little, cause if I get my eye just right, the stufff hits the incision and the dance is on in my recliner…. good thing it’s comfy for butt jumping…

The vision is there in the right eye, and the extra eyes are laying in reach, but not any good anymore…

Looking forward to getting the next eye done… seems like the first 72 hours is the most fun and things start to settle down…

No migraines, no teeth pain, except the normal stuff like TMJ and partials and the exposed root… no having to take pain meds either…. so yep, I made the right choice putting off that root extraction… my eye is sore down to where the root sits… would not have been a good scenario with the root out 2 days before eye surgery…. sometimes listening to your gut, will do more than just save your ass…

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

So glad I didn’t use the clinic the VA sent me too… they wouldn’t answer my questions and had zero concern about my TBI’s!!!!

Hot Damn, I got sight….

Tried wearing my eye glass’s and got headache in eye that was cut on….

So, leave the extra eyes off and after about 10 minutes I was reading the Wheel of Fortune puzzles, the words in the next commercial, yada, yada, yawn……

They told me my vision could change over the next couple weeks….

When I got trifocals a couple decades back, I was walking around like I was marching….my depth perception was that bad with corrective lens….. thats where I have been since surgery….

Now, its grab the dark glass’s the doc gave me an no magnify mirror when doing my routine….

I know this will change, but so far, other than the glued seam, this is one geek out experience…. for a ole womanโ˜บ๏ธdamn itchy when I roll my eyes at Mike๐Ÿ˜‚…

I remember Margie…..

Memories are Fading….

Wow, this has been an interesting ride…

Memories that have always been front and center….are fading…

The bread crumb trail Margie left, is taking its place in the past…

Does it have meaning, psychology is up there with getting all the nuances of it together an solving the puzzle… I would say the anger is melting, the acceptance is complete, the understanding will never happen an forgiveness is not mine to give….

They have to forgive themselves and own their lives, and as long as the man made god is their only life…

mine has no value…. to them….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt USAF DAV I Remember Margie…..

Vision transition…. kaleidoscope type…

My migraines I get when I have the neuro net melt downs, give me a kaleidoscope vision, when the brain does its thing…..

I have no migraine right now…. but I have a new lens in my eye to replace the one cataracts screwed up….

The lens options, to me are confusing, as this is a non interest subject, so for me to absorb knowledge that I am not interested in, goes with the brain damage from the strokes….I will get info wrong… because its short term memory….

That being said, the lens I chose was for distance, an one of the problems with any of the lens is a halo type effect or kaleidoscope for me at the right peripheral lower line of sight…

Annoying, yep, but from what the staff an even the hospital called an checked on me, including surgeon… Each going over the things I might see….

This just means if you ever have cataract surgery an see what I am talking about…. add the worse head pain and body meltdown to that…..

Welcome to my world…. which can be as short as a few minutes…to the last one that lasted 26 hours….and not a damn thing anyone can do, but listen to me scream in pain if it last longer than 6 hours….

That has been my life, thanks to what people who say, know their god, thought they had a right to do to a 5 year old little girl…..

60 years of that kaleidoscope vision…. its called an abnormal brain wave, by blunt force trauma….. nice christians…..

Right now, hoping it goes away quickly, it brings on waves of rolling tummy, kind of like walking the plank feeling…. burp๐Ÿ˜ณ

I remember Margie…..

Thoughts are gone bye bye…

Thanks Word Press… you have done almost as good a job as face book on shutting me down… but Zuckerberg got religion after cheating all his buddies… just another normal day in a world, where for some bizarre reason, people think religion rules…

Well I’ll be one of those testifying at the trials about your mental illness and as eloquent as I am sometimes… It should make for quite a show…

What ever I had thought to write about brain injury, like so many others that came along… drifted away, because I had to jump through hoops for my first ammendment right as a American Citizen, born and bred on the soil Trump, so you can’t block citizens that way… neither can corrupt chrisitans….

We will come for you one day, round you up, lock you up, because you think you have a say in anyones life, but your own… that is full blown mental illness… the day will come…Trump is already trying…. boo.……….

Word Press you suck!!!

REALLY ?????

I had to go find my Iphone, just because for some reason only known to the men and women writing this application….

I HAVE TO SIGN INTO A SITE I AM PAYING FOR AND

N E V E R …… EVER …………………. N E V E R….!!!!!!!!

SIGNED OUT OF!!!!!! That makes over 30 times I have had to sign in this year!!!!

So over this crap… if you are going to censor me, do it and give me back my damn money, other wise, QUIT FUCKING WITH MY SIGN IN!!!!!!!!!

And NO I would not recommend your site to anyone at this point in time… Your application is the ONLY one I have had to repeatedly sign back in and authenicate!!!!

EITHER I HAVE HACKERS TRYING TO SHUT ME DOWN OR ITS WORD PRESS?????

Who or what, go fuck yourselves!!!!

Maggi

Life is about Choices…

Every choice I make, can impact your life… Be it by buying products from you and supporting your business… Be it hiring you as my realtor or doctor… Every choice you make, could impact the choices I make…

That is what makes the world go round, in a manner of speaking…

All of us… impact each other…

I feel a slight depression, because I thought I had the choices laid out for my house and selling it… but, because someone did not read the messages sent, they have already made a choice that will impact us…

It takes the stress off us and we know we have interest in the property, by the number of people that came thru… price, I think is the issue and possible recession… been through this before…

Realtor picks up her sign Sunday and I’ll get to meet her… and hopefully reassure her, we want to try this again… but not until we have answers from the VA about my dental implants…. once that is done… I am out of here…

I have no intention of being in this house, when it goes back on the market and hubby… we are laying flooring in the bedrooms, if dental is being done… sick of this cheap carpet and pad… no matter how many times I clean it with the carpet cleaner and the water comes clear… it feels like cheap carpet… duh….

Vision in my right eye is adjusting…. still feels weird and oh my goodness, those drops, especially the steroid one… sting like a bee… for about 30 seconds of pure torture, you get to do with 3 different drops… but so worth it…

The depression is a mild, thought here or there about, what has transpired since we went on the market… my biggest hope… the senator finds out why the VA has delayed my dental care for 16 months??? And now created a health problem… that is my question… getting us out of here, so I can get it done sooner is preferable… but reality doesn’t always work the way you want or scheme…. that is called life and the choices other people make impacting yours…

Life is about one thing only….. the CHOICES we each make…..

I Remember… Margie…

I Give Up…. past Uncle!!!

Ya know there are days I wonder what people see when I send an email or text… am I missing something by not being more informative… kind of thought I was doing that already, but I guess not….

Communication and words are important… and the biggest key, don’t interpert anything anyone else says for anything more than what the words that are spoken or written mean per the dictionary… your interpertation is just that and has value to you only……..

Problem is… we have religion that takes words and makes up definitions for those words, which are now a conflict in the brain… and there comes the alcohol, drugs, sexaul and physical abuse, the lying, stealing and cheating and my fav…. rape and murder…okay 2 favorites…words are words… we chose how to understand those words… why do you think lawyers get paid so much???

I thought the email I sent to my realtor said we would reduce price for the next few weeks and if no offers, we come off the market…

This has been the most erractic house listing I have ever had… and some of that is on me… the rest, communication….

So, after the email I just read… the buyers who were here yesterday, put an offer on another property…. and the ones we countered… are in lala land… so she is asking are you in or out… and if they are out…

We are officially off the market….

I think I have one sigh of relief in me… barely one…

Frustrated… never worked remotely with anyone in real estate, before… always knew who I was hiring and they lived in the same town…not so this time around and that is okay… this was a dry run and it cost us about a thousand out of pocket…

But we are ready to list next year, when we move back to the mainland… which is what I wanted to do to begin with, but hubby was paranoid about leaving the house empty… so you can guess who is making decisions now…

My money, my VA loan, MY CHOICES!!!! so over ignorance from any quarter….

Post op on eye went well… it is annyoing, itchy, scratchy and still blurry vision… but I can wear my glass’s and see okay, plus, my eye is still dilated 24 hours later….

Looking forward to doing the next eye and be done with this part of my journey to put Margie back together….

No more having to make things look spotless, we can relax and just live until we leave Hawaii… and that will depend on Dental and recession… we could very well be stuck here, only time will tell on that part of the journey…

As for having that root extracted right before surgery… was told today, I made the right choice to not have it done so close to eye surgery… sometimes I just go with the gut feeling…

I had read about that possible complication and had told the surgeon that when I talked to them a week before yesterday’s eye surgery… they couldn’t get me in, till 2 days before eye surgery and any swelling would have impacted my eye… so good call…

VA doesn’t know anything about my eye surgery, because I am using my medicare… so I can only imagine the bull shit gossip that will be generated at the Hilo VA office, because I didn’t jump on the extraction 2 days before eye surgery… gossip is what usually exposes the corrupt employee… now if the senator’s aid is reading my blog… she’ll know who to be aware of… but people have to do a job and frankly, doubt I will ever find out who the female employee at Hilo VA is that is sabotaging veterans health care because of her thin skin… damn that sounds just like any christian I ever met or Trump….

Regardless, that bucket of shit I keep falling in, seems to be keeping my ass on the road to discovery and not 6 feet under….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

TBI impacts Anesthesia….edited

Even though I gave the doc a heads up about my reaction to anesthetic, I still got more than needed….

When given just the right amount, I should not be sleepy the rest of the day, like when I had major surgery last year an had to get on a plane, equal treatment of veterans an Melania Trump does not exist…. remember she was in the hospital the day I had to get on a plane after major surgery…. government run health care….

Regardless, in bed by 8PM an I slept till 4:30AM, up twice during the night….

Only this morning did I feel like the drugs were out of my brain….

Biggest fear, not waking up, because yahoos do not get brain injuries like mine…..

Education in America is only good…IF you LEARN…..

Sgt USAF DAV, today I get vision back, after one eyed Willie is retired….

Got to remind self, asshole neighbor up the street started his motorcycle that has no muffler at 2AM yesterday an the noise continued till he passed out at 4AM, my wake up time for surgery… Anesthesia may have nailed me because I only had 4 hours sleep… Will be interesting to see next eye, an how I do… He gave me 3 doses of sleepy juice, while I was aware… Will be curious next eye…. hope I typed this okay, can not see crap out of my left eye….looking for red lines on spelling๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜

Hilo Medical rocks…

Aloha has been in short supply lately…, but not at Hilo medical…

Big thank you to the staff and special thanks to the surgical staff in “Short stay”…

Excellent care…. for my cataract surgery….

I remember….

Pirate Margie…

It is an experience, not being able to use my eye glass’s or use the eye they operated on… stuck with my left eye, that has a variety of blind spots…. lets put it this way, my lasagna an salad, did not all make it to my mouth… I have happy dogs๐Ÿ˜‚….

Tomorrow doc takes off bandage an I get to see again…I hope๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ…

I remember….

One eyed Willie…

Anesthesia finally worn off… Eye, feels scratchy, but the patch keeps you from rubbing it….

My left eye is the one that is real blind, so until tomorrow, when the doc does post op…

Writing may not happen…very interesting experience…

Aloha….

Eye Surgery…

Short and sweet… I remember him cutting into my eye and being asked a question and seeing weird blocks instead of vision…. an boy am I glad that one is over….

Best hospital staff at the Hilo Hospital on Hawaii… got treated like a patient and not a number that the VA dish’s out….

IV sedation and the kid did good, he listened to the TBI’s and strokes and gave me just enough to make me not care what they were doing, but not so much I was pukeing….

We have a showing in a hour or so…. realtor has not lowered the price yet on the MLS… but regardless, we get a decent offer and we can afford to take it, we are out of here… after my dental extraction, partial and other eye gets done…

So, not freaked out about next procedure… in fact they said my blood pressure was lower than the norm for a operating ward… so guess I was just more freaked in my head than anything… we do like to screw with our selves…

Home for the rest of the day, post op later…. I look like one eyed willie from Goonies….

Aloha…..

Neuro wave….

Yep, it happened… the abnormal brain wave gave me advance warning an it went down for a hour, maybe less… confusion for a few minutes, very very mild confusion….

Will be so interesting to find out what other tests they can do that would pin down the abnormal wave and if I can trigger it by thought….

Little tired, but not drained, not the first time I have tried to control the reaction I can feel happening….

We are more in control of our brains than you are led to believe, because of religion… which dumbs you down for growth….

Long day over, hot here today, cooling whole house because of the heat…. ready for fall, which for us is low 80s or high 70s….

We reported the dumping, before the rats an pigs make it worse… sad to see on such a beautiful place on earth….

I Remember…Margie….

Stacking the deck…

Starting to feel like one of those weird brain wave episodes…..

Is it the stress of eye surgery???

Is it selling the house???

Is it the hostility that seems to be thriving on the island???

Is it Trump๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜.???

Actually all of it… I can feel the transition an impact on thinking….

Going back an reading the early blog should be telling on how far I have come, since I remembered….

2 year anniversary is approaching….

This has been one interesting, challenging and most of all awakening….. and I am so curious how do I truly control it all, in my brain…. Margies hiding place an home…..

I remember Margie….

What gives you a right to Question ME???

Out doing our morning walk and I am still bugged… which is more of a ethical and moral bug… by any human, who, for some reason, thinks, mind you not well, because if they thought, they would not have QUESTIONED ME!!!!

So my question, what gives YOU or anyone a right to QUESTION my LIFE???

Did you live my Life???

Where you there when the beatings and murder happen????

Where you there when the rapes happened???

Where you there in that bed, when my little bones were broken and I prayed to your fake god???

Where you there when I gave birth???

Where you there for any of my surgeries???

Where you there when I was baptised for the 2nd time thinking god would protect me????

Where you there when the light went out of me because christians thought they had a right????

DID YOU LIVE THIS LIFE??????

Or am I living it and the only one in my skin has and always will be me!!!

The only people on this planet that think, again not good mind you… think they have a right to question another humans existence…..

CHRISTIANS…because they want control of what they can never have…. living a life free of man made religious fears…..

The same people that lie, steal, cheat, rape, murder and abuse in the name of their god….

Still think you have a right to question MY LIFE????

I’ll be right there and tell you how to live yours, yada, yada, yawn….

you can’t fix stupid, stupid has to want to fix it’s self… that will happen when hell freezes over…

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Migraines… gone???

This Friday, will make 2 weeks since I broke the tooth and the dentist gave me Amoxicillin….

Last Migraine I had would have been Sunday of the weekend I broke the tooth, maybe Monday, reasonably sure I wrote in the blog about it for the symptoms thing, I track…

Really want to talk to a neurologist now… because those headaches started before May of last year, enough so that by August the MD sent me for a EEG and that is when the MRI & MRA got thrown in the mix….

With that evidence of nothing flashing neon signs why I had the headaches… you would think someone would have put the dental together with all this, but not even I figured it out and it was going on in my head!!!! DAMN… I hate when I do stupid!!!

No fevers, no hot heat in the skull that followed the fever and no migraine headaches… stress headache, had 2 of those, but that is it….

Again, my own bucket of shit luck, probably saved me from more complicated health issues, if the infection was making its way to the brain…

The only pain I have in my mouth now… is from the TMJ, the bone that is some how involved with the Trigeminal nerve, waiting to see Neuro on that …. when I put the partials in or take them out… and of course the root in my gum, which is still alive, as I found out last night eating dinner, heat hit that spot and it let me know, dumb ass you have an exposed tooth nerve!!!!! UGH!!!!! 5 more weeks and it will be removed… so hope my gamble pays off yesterday… with the buyers… I could of had this root out yesterday, the same time the buyers were here… ACHH#!#

Biggest problem, now that I can see the actual misalingment of my last bridge work done at the Little Rock VA… I have to practice putting my mouth in a different resting position, so I can sleep and not wake up in spasm and locking up… doc gave me enough muscle relaxer, I’ll be fine… but I hate that med, it triggers restless leg syndrome, which is a nightmare that started after the first beating at 5 years old… love you mom…. NOT!!!

Things to do, eye surgery in a couple days… still freaked, and I only watched one video on how it’s done… eyes are window to world and for me, when I look at your eyes, I am looking for your soul…. our eyes are so telling… just look at Trumps, the only reflection you will see from his eyes… himself… ya know, kind of freaked over how much this will cost me, since I am using medicare, so far, it’s over $200, kind of hoping it stays below a thousand… all because a Tri West employee was rude to this patient… so over humans that think they have a right…

I Remember….

Price lowered…. hope we sell

No clue if the buyers yesterday are ready to move forward or not… but sitting here doing nothing does not work for us…

We dropped the price $9000 in the hopes that someone has been watching an waiting for that drop…

If no bites now… it’s the market, Mauna Kea costing jobs and Trump….

Can’t blame anyone else… just the obvious….

Beautiful day started… lots of bangers up and down Makuu all weekend, so the demonstrators came off the mountain and down here to get what ever it is they need to take back up there… no clue… the job impact is hitting the island hard…

The cost of it all is going to bite every person on the island… Honest you can’t fix stupid when you buy into superstitions and in the 21st century… that is beyond sad, it’s pathetic….

So much for human superiority….more like human stupidity becasue they fear life….

I Remember……

Hawaii hunters…

I am not a hunter but I am a dog lover…

A hunter wanting access to Mauna Kea, had his hunting DOGS, more than one in a cage that was not big enough for the number of dogs in it!!!!

Sure these people respect the land, seniors an life……. MY ASS!!!!!

That hunter should be exposed for animal cruelty, but that mountain has a heart beat, but NOT THE LIVING ANIMALS!!!????

I Remember!!!!

Johnson & Johnson…

Manufacturer of the transmesh the VA put in me…. my lawsuit settled two years ago….in FEDERAL COURT!!!

Wagstaff law firm has yet to send out checks!!!!!

You can sue companies in America, but the law companies SIT ON THE MONEY FOR YEARS COLLECTING INTEREST WHILE VICTIMS …………….. WAIT!!!!!!!!!

Democracy in America is only good if you can BUY IT!!!!! Look at the NRA!!!!!!!

Sgt USAF DAV Service connected 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ouch…that stings!!!

These eye drops you use before cataract surgery are not real fun…

1, the first drop stings, only 15 seconds or so, but ya know you put the stuff in your eye…

2, the anti biotic I had to use this morning got my attention….

All together, they give you two kinds of drops to use for several days before surgery to protect the eye an keep infection at bay…the day after surgery you use a steroid….

Other than just a little freaked about my eye being cut on here very soon, looking forward to being eye glass free this week for the rest of my life…I hope…. All I know, no more glass’s after these surgeries….

I have had to wear glass’s since the beating on Japan, when I pissed off snake Freda an Peggy, an they used Don as their executioner… well that bastard is 6 feet under…I am trolling the obituaries waiting on the other 2………. true story๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

Getting excited to see again… they say colors are more vibrant, kind of hope so, we are getting into the end of summer an fall blooms on Hawaii are pretty….

Sgt USAF DAV using my medicare for eye surgery because this 100% SERVICE CONNECTED VETERAN GOT TIRED OF WAITING FOR MY Veteran HEALTH CARE TRUMP an BIDEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waiting….are we sold???

Buyers were here…

Now we wait for a decision…

They have been told, no decisions on our part for a day or two because of surgery….

Anesthesia mess’s with my brain, always have…

So if they want our answer, time has value….

I remember…

Opinions…..

Thinking, something that takes up inactive time…

Opinions, we all have them, we are individuals, with a human right to have our opinions… they usually reflect our choices in life…

But, does it mean I have to value your opinion???

This is a story of a life stolen by humans who demand they be called christian…. Not Human, …… Christian….

To question me or the story is to boldly say to me…. Liar??? and the bullying begins???

Opinions are like Assholes…

WE ALL have one….. and they say slavery is dead in America… only those who want to control what they can never have…hide behind gods…

I Remember Margie….

Mental Illness in America is the Norm….

After my psych evaluation in the Air Force… I started reading everything I could about psychology…. come to find out… a human is a human and it’s the choices we make that determines our mental health… and that you can take to the bank…

Because the Air Force was covering up the rape of my 6 year old and the attempted murder of both my children… I had to take the evaluation for what it was worth…. NADA!!! and it was NADA….

Psych evaluations done after that were all PTSD…. one shrink at El Paso, the last psych evaluation I took… this doc is the one that got murdered… he said on my evaluation….”She has PTSD due to her illness”… and “she has above average IQ”… privately he asked me about my memory ability and he brought up Edetic… you know photo graphic is the slang term….

That was 2011, I may be off a year…. but in 2010, the last time I saw Freda (mother) I stood in her kitchen and told her I was missing memory… her comment, with her head hanging so low, you thought I had just took her breath away, she said…”some things are best not remembered”…. you realize of course she knows her god and will tell IT everything… but the daughter she gave birth too… Nope she is keeping her lying christian mouth shut… now that is so typical of christians… they get caught and oh dear… BUSTED!!!!!

Watching Trump in action and wondering why, the military, who uses shrinks to do the dirty work to cover up crimes in the military… Why aren’t they taking Trump out????? In fact why isn’t anyone taking Trump out… Tells you how strong of a control Russia really has on our government… just look at Mcconnell……

I have tried, every which way I look…. to understand why CHRISTIANS did this to a child and they are just getting worse… look at the Riverside 12…. look at the mass shootings… look at the damage the catholic church has done, destroyed so many lives, because of rape…. I mean I can go on for several thousand words if not a million words that shows the corruption and degradation of the christian faith… any religion really….

That is mental illness…. I found it curious anyone would ask me a question, it was worded so carefully, so you knew they were baiting you… I find that interesting, because the only people to do that to me since I started the blog…. Christians…

In fact, when I first started the blog a person attacked me and threaten all kinds of government investigations… got a feeling it was either Peg or Donna behind that tirade… as you can tell I am still writing… and oh please, pretty please, bring on the investigations… I would end up owning a few peoples property… so bring it… I beg you…..

One thing about laws… and I have had my fun using them…. as long as I tell the TRUTH…. no one can stop me from doing what I am doing… not even christian moderators on the internet…. Why???

Because I can prove I am telling the truth… all christians can do is threaten and bully, in the hopes of silencing me… good luck with that……….. I mean that sincerely…..

Funny the edectic memory ability… it’s not like I can remember every second of every hour… nope, that creeps me out… truly… but… always that one little word… but…. I can remember every year of my life and so far, any memory Mike brings up, I have been able to expand on it… only if I was involved or present….

My family likes to make it up as they go… and I doubt my secret about my memory ability is a secret anymore… One thing they can say… and I have said this for decades, now I get why….

Lying to me is the dumbest thing you will ever do… and disrespect me, will be the last thing you do… it is after all my world… not yours and I chose who to let in the door and I am the one that closes that door… not you….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Hope… we are ready…

Hot, humid, sunny an trade winds, yep we are on Hawaii, an what a nice weekend…

We are done, all I can do now, hope my gamble of not taking the appointment for oral surgery and we are sold and packing to go home…

Gamble with your health, not recommended… desire to move home is strong… but I know the care I will get after we move, and it will be more timely, because I will be paying for it…

It just means I buy a cheaper final home, and not my dream home… so much for the promise made for wearing a uniform… the men got what they wanted by gang rape…

I have had to fight every step of the way… that is women in uniform….an America….

So maybe not a gamble after all, they already made an offer, we countered, now its time for checkmate….

Sgt USAF DAV I Remember Margie….

Stroke at Japan, changed my music choices…

By the time we got to Japan, I had unknown number of concussions… the bone scan shows uptake in the occipital and that was as early as 83, after I got discharged… so not 30 years old yet… paper trail of evidence…

I know my music interest was not country, remember that from church and going to Bonita to see aunt Neicee and uncle Dan… every one still lived close by, except the ones in military…. and they would do the spoons, guitars and other twangy sounds and I would go find some place else to hang out… I wasn’t even 8 years old…

Now mommie dearest played classical and I really didn’t enjoy it either….

Before the stroke on Japan at off base housing… I was getting into the stuff that was already a decade old… I never did go hard rock… I barely like soft rock… more the folk kind of stuff… but I never did get into loud music of any kind… explains why I quit the bar scene, gosh can’t remember the last time we went to one… wow…

I bring this up, I was making breakfast and I realized I still liked what I was listening too, when they hurt me again… I will never understand chrisitans, the worse, humans have to offer….

Why is this important… remember Kansas, the carnival place that opened in 49… loud music and sounds… that didn’t bother me… the first remembered violent beating and head injury, I was 6 years old…. there were more head injuries in there between 6 and 14… one of them involved death….

All because christians that are hiding behind a corrupt and evil religion, get away with murder….

I am living proof…..

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Pain reminded me…

We are both running around, trying to get lots done, before my eye surgery and the buyers tomorrow… so heavy cleaning getting done, before we heat up and have to slow down… and I have yet to do my morning routine…

Well I did, about 15 minutes ago… and pain pill taken… put teeth in and get instant pain… not much can be done, either the VA gets its head out of its ass and does implants and if our house is sold, they are too late as usual… other wise they need to start the damn process and quit making me suffer with these damn partials…. which is the only way I can eat….

I got a look this morning, because I had to slow down and do my thing… and the right side of my face is caved in… not a pretty picture… and all because I pissed off some pencil pusher at the Hilo VA last year in May, when I set up my last travel to Oahu for my last post op… and I have paid for pissing off that human ever since… though who ever got the emergency authorization done ASAP… cuddos…. just a FYI, I won’t talk to federal employees anymore… they all act like Trump and think it’s okay to bully and abuse patients… I’ll pass….

So pain med to wear the damn things and hopefully no pain meds needed at night because of the few teeth I have left…. if I was vain, this would be my worse nighmare… as it is… it will get taken care of, either by the VA or our returning home and my seeing a dentist I hire and pay…. oh joy another car payment….thanks baby Trump…

Sgt. USAF DAV

Head Fake of the Religious…

As a child and young adult… I was conflicted… because…of Religion and its contradictions to science and facts…

Once I ascertained religion was a head fake and they were just using psychology to control the mass’s… I was done… over it and fed up with those who are mentally ill and using religion as a front, so they may do the worse to you and your children… and that is a very true story… Cardinal Pell, I hope you rot in prison…

So when I was dealing with the stroke on Japan… I knew, somehow I knew I was up there with IQ and I was holding enough information to bury Don, Freda & Peggy… BOO!!! lol….

I was only 14 years old and I am dealing with a brain I don’t quite understand or comprehend… but it was smarter than me and I let it have control… I just forgot to take that control back…. I buried the past, so that I could survive…. and you got it…

Here I be 50 years later, trying to sort this mess out… you want to talk about jig saw puzzles, explains why I hate doing them, they aren’t challenging enough… I have a million piece one in my brain… now try putting that together….

So I put mechanisms in place so that I could mentally deal with the chaos and conflicts imposed on me by those people who bought into man made gods… nothing like the mentally ill raising kids and there be a few down in those churches in America that are beyond bat shit crazy… so says psychology… and if we use psychology in courts and throw people away with that science and we use that same science to heal… well you got to admit… religion has no basis, except in story and song… just that simple… really, you can’t have it both ways… religion and science… they contradict each other which is why humans will never truly be religious….

Doubt…, conflict…., contradiction…., falsehoods….,… need I go on…

Now getting through these barriers I put in place at 14 after that stroke… that has been the real struggle… the doubt was an issue, but it really has melted away… but some is still there and that is always good for a healthy human mind… now a religious mind, is no longer human…. it gave up humanity for a story…. again, you can’t have it both ways…

I get most the time I am talking way over your heads, because I have a thousand thoughts running at all times… it gets a little crowded… so thanks to hubby, I went back to pot, to slow the train down… stress headaches were popping into the picture…

When I was told my IQ, I didn’t believe it… I had to fight through decades of religious rhetoric and lies… nothing new on that front, christians like Trump, make a living with those lies and rhetoric… so when it’s in your own brain… you got to get through all that rhetoric and lies… and it took me some time…

Once the memory trigger happened, after the murder of those 26 people in Sutherland Springs, Texas… the rest as they say is well documented in this blog…

My anger, frustration with the living, hiding behind a fake god and excuses… you guys do know, I know where you live… doing ancestry research, I bought into sites that allow me access to anyone on the planet…. I mean come on… you just can’t hide in plain sight anymore….. true story… and face book told me a mountain of information…. don’t miss that crap either…

Anyway… once I realized that I could have any thought I wanted, without fear of retaliation by a man made god…. oh baby, have I sent a life time of ugly vibes to those people…. if prayer did any good, I would throw that in with the ugly thoughts I send to the living that did this too me… so if your last years on the planet are anything but pleasant…. You are welcomed….. just in case you are wondering where the ill will came from…. I do love messing with some brain….

I have never sought out to do revenge… instead, life has and will always do it for me… why???

Because of one simple word…. Choices…

The Choices these people made, is what shaped and formed their past and the current lives… and from the gossip getting to me… it’s not all that pleasant… and all they ever had to do….

Tell the TRUTH….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

FYI… IQ has no value to me… I learn by repitition… I have had to do that since the near death and storke at 13… though according to my memories, I was probably strangled and had a mini stroke at 8 years old over the boob incident… so the cards were never in my favor for learning… it is a true struggle, which is why I have no problem owning when I am wrong… something christians have no clue about… they are always right, even as they steal, lie, cheat, rape, abuse and murder… TRUE STORY!!!….

The Nightmares are Back….edited….

One pattern I noticed a long time ago… damn I am getting old… but a pattern has emerged that I recognize more clearly now…

When I am in pain for something other than what the parents and sibling did… it interfers with my nightmares… it’s a new pain and I have to figure out a way to cope… I have never been a narcotic pain pill person, stuff makes me puke… so I have alternative ways of coping with pain… but…

When it’s your mouth, all bets are off and frankly, mouth pain or tooth pain can be as painful as childbirth… nothing like passing stones, which I did in 16… and I had 2 natural childbirths… I would rather do those things than have mouth pain… and that is a fact…

Last night… no pain meds after dinner or after I took the partials out… I knew the tooth was likely dead after a week of being exposed to the elements and not getting much of a reaction to ice cream or hot coffee in the morning… the tooth was and is dead…. just chewing is a royal pain, trying to leave my cheek alone and not eat it…

So I had nightmares last night… I avoided food after dinner… drank little water and still was up and down all night… because of nightmares… good ole PTSD nightmares…

The pattern that has presented its self before, was one I didn’t get until I got my memories back… again it goes back to knowledge and I begged Freda and Peggy to talk… they would rather talk to their fictional god…. fear… always comes back to fear…. BOO!!!!

Tomorrow we find out if the buyers are committing to buying the house and we are under contract… we’ll leave the speculating for the religious… I have hope, that is all I can do… it is a buyer’s market right now… but it’s also a sellers market….

May 2018 my dentist recommended implants, since that time I have lost all the teeth on one side of my face… kind of look like the walking dead… it’s cumbersome, painful, insulting and most of all typical christian behavior… and I hope with all I am… the rest of America gets a taste of what Veterans have been living with since WWII!!!!

Hope springs eternal and with Trump at the wheel, it’s a matter of time… not IF….

The nightmare is full blown PTSD and it was about Big Springs, Texas and Montgomery, Alabama…. double boo Freda and Peggy!!!! Bite me you white bitch’s!!!

So not much sleep, but that’s okay, today is a busy day, getting ready to grab those two buyers… so I’ll sleep better tonight, because I’ll be worn out… I hope…

As I close this morning… I want to thank Hilo VA office for doing their job for once!!!! and trying to get me in for this extraction… fortunately for me… I got the doc to give me antibiotics and I can maintain until my appointment in October… The luxury of having the medical and dental training to treat myself…

If I had to rely on mans god or the government….. I would be 6 feet under… and since I am smarter than them… sorry to disappoint family…

Started the drops this morning for my eye surgery… scared and excited… I won’t be wearing eye glass’s after next week… just wow…but I won’t have any teeth… now that would be a picture….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

8 months….

26th of Dec, MRI confirmed a haunting decades old memory…..

I had suffered a severe TBI and stroke…..

9 months of my life missing, and the living is not talking… but…

They talk to their man made god….

I remember Margie….

What is in a story….

Once an avid reader, with over 500 books in my home… for me it was how the writer wrote the story…. and about half what I read was fiction… finding something interesting and keeping my attention based on real life… I never came across such a story or writer….

I remember in Little Women… Jo was told to write about what she knows… and thus the writer was born….

I haven’t tried to go the route of fiction, though I did embelish a couple of stories, that have no real impact on Margies song….

I was asked how I know it was some one or something… still gets a giggle and smile out of me… it took me a few minutes to respond….

I guess the question you should ask yourself… how do you know that I don’t know what I am talking about????

I lived it… I walked it… I breathe it…an I have nothing to prove to you or anyone else and at times, before my memories came back, my stories sounded shocking and risque… and yea, I have lived a very interesting life… only because…

Of what christians did to a child… by injuring my brain, the child I knew before the age of 8… is not the child that became an adult… Death does that to you… so do lots of mini strokes….

So, to ask me, a person telling a true story and not fiction, how do I know…

I lived it… and still am…no one can say that about a man written bible….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Neuro melt downs… AH HA Moment….

Holy crap on a cracker… sitting there thinking about something, no clue what, probably off meditating, it happens so easy… anyway… get to the damn point already!!!!!

I documented the neuro meltdowns and all of the symptoms….

Back in time… around Aug or Sept last year, infection, got put on a bactrium type drug… complained of headaches, they ran DNA tests, did the MRI & MRA, sent me to Orthopedic…. and are you frigging kidding me I got all my answers because of….

MY TEETH????? Am I for real on this thought…. everything that transpired since the symptoms picked up speed after my surgery in Feb of 18…. and by August, things were totally freaking out???!!!!

Because of my TEETH???? and I MISSED IT?????

Well does that tell ya where my head is at or have I just been to stoned???

Neither…. and if the Neurology appointment happens anytime soon, I will find out if my suspicions are correct…. the Trigeminal nerve that runs down both sides of our heads….

What gets me… I don’t think anyone ran a blood test to check my white count for infection… it was just thyroid and cholesterol for the last 18 months… in fact thyroid a couple weeks ago…

Wouldn’t do any good now… the Amoxicillin did its job… the bactrium given to me twice in the last 18 months helped, but it was obvious to both Mike and I now… I was fighting an infection that couldn’t be seen… and I wonder why doctors have so much trouble figuring me out…. I can’t even do it!!!!

Eyesight soon, and I can get back to my research in earnest…. if we aren’t packing… either way, ready to get back to work…

I will have questions for neurology, when ever that appointment happens… got a feeling I am on the right track, remember a paper from the UK about a patient with head injuries and the T nerve was involved and made dental a real problem… just can’t recall the title so I can find it again…. my short term memory really sucks… and yep it was tested… I work at it, but it still has hiccups where the train leaves the station and I’m on the platform waving bye bye waiting for it to pick me up on its way around the brain…. something I have lived with since I was 13….. started after the near death trip….

What a nice day, cloudy, cool, not hot and humid and no bangers… nope they came by early this morning, a contractor that thinks he owns our neighborhood… oh please let those kids buy the house Monday….

Well back to doing what I was doing, learning something new… hope this time my brain stays with it and doesn’t wander off on its own… bad habit…

I remember… Margie…

NatGeo Egypt Unwrapped…

When I want to learn, we go to our favorite entertainment channels…

NatGeo, Science, HGTV are just a few that I troll….

My favorite series are Stephen Hawking shows….

As long as my brain is willing to learn….

Margie will never stop growing…

Change her opinion on some things, eh, they may soften, but change, that takes facts an so far… Egypt says not going to happen…

I Remember Margie…

Don’t Follow Me….

I feel like I should start out with…..

Welcome to my lair….. says the spider to the fly….

The blog is for one purpose only… let Margie live once again…

When her light was put out by christians that I called parents… It fought for 5 decades to shine once again….

Margie was a soft spoken child, whose only mistake, believe “Truth” mattered….

Telling the truth has cost me in every direction life can throw at me….

And I am still standing…..

You walked into my world by reading my blog… I did not invite you in, nor did I ask you in…

The door was open, you walked in….I call it sharing….a hooter or glass of wine…

How you chose to interpert my blog, is 100% on you… the reader, why??? Because it’s your brain, your life, your thoughts, your beliefs…

Not mine….

This is a story of how the christian faith has become a boil on humanity… I just happen to be one of many millions of survivors…. as Margie is and never ever, will she be a victim again…..

Follow my story, my rants, my amusements… but know this….

Your opinion only has value to one living person on this planet….

You….

This is my story… not yours… because in the real world, only my opinion matters to me… it is after all my life… not yours….

The door is open, don’t let it hit you on the way out… or pull up a chair and grab a cold one… this is far from over……

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Infection… Gone???edited…

I tried telling the dentist for several months I had an infection… I mean come on… the MRI & MRA showed the strokes and bleeds and damage… but nothing was showing as draining from the sinus areas…. but I could taste it….. so everyone, including the reader of the tests… got it wrong… why??? Because they didn’t pursue the symptoms of the taste of drainage… and it was brought up… it’s in the blog….

When that tooth broke a week ago today, and the clinic was closed, it was very much a lucky type of break… doctor did not want to take chances about infection…. lawsuit type issue.. antibiotics were ordered…

So the symptoms… the heat in my head, worse than hot flash’s… and I have had years of those…. migraine headaches for no apparent reason…. pain in my mouth, and now we know the bite is off and the last bridge I got is not the side, but my two front teeth… and that is letting me know it’s not happy… and I got to see what the dentist sees… and oh dear… I can brush till the saints march in and nothing will get better…

Smoking, old age, alcohol, pot… holy crap on a cracker do I feel ancient…and my teeth are showing it… but I have to remind myself, I don’t have much feeling in lots of my mouth… the fact I was able to keep the teeth I got, not bad…okay so I am warped… but I bet my Trigeminal nerve is involved… which would explain loads….

All my symptoms gone, except the TMJ, which is to be expected, the bone where the root is at is sore and the constant use of the only area I got left to chew, sore… again to be expected… so I eat more soft foods like last night, strawberries, blueberries and ice cream… yum… and my mouth let me, even the exposed root…

So thinking of yesterday and passing on the opportunity to get this out of my head… I have an appointment for Oct and if we are sold, closing is after that day… no butts allowed…. but as for the symptoms… yesterday I made the right choice for my circumstances… the symptoms are gone and I am back to being active…

We are so hoping the buyers commit and we are in escrow….

Funny… when I started this blog… HOPE was my go to word….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Curly to straight to curly….

Pictures of me as a child, before the first brain injury at 5…. shows I had curly hair… now don’t get me started on the Endochrine system… it is nothing but chemistry and numbers and me getting it, not going to happen… but the neurological part… that I think makes sense…

We know that after the TV beating as I call it at 5 years old… we had bunkbeds and I am reasonably sure we were stationed in Kansas and staying in some dive duplex and Freda gets pg with the next kid… we need more space and we bought that trailer and parked it next to a cabbage patch… Boo have I remembered enough yet family, are you starting to get freaked or spreading your lies??? Just remember… you have to back up your lies… I have thousands of pages of medical records as, EVIDENCE!!!

We, Peg & I had tons of stuffed animals from the amusement park that I think opened in 49 and closed just a few years ago.. anyhow, when we got the trailer, I remember all our junk got thrown out, because not enough room in that trailer they bought…

When we moved into that trailer, within a year or two, I was being dropped on the floor, dead asleep from the top bunk on to the back of my head…

Now the curly hair nonsense…. Hippocampus… our primary operating system in the brain… damage it and you got problems…. by the time I was in 3rd grade, my hair was as straight as a board…. and that’s because of the non stop assault on my child brain, by parents and sister….

This went on from the time I was 5, when I remember the violence, until I left home… ehh… lets go back a year…17 when Don hit me upside the head… that was the last time a human, ANYONE, ever laid a hand upon me to hit me… now rape, that’s a whole nother story… that Admirals and Generals don’t like to hear… True Story…

The only other time I hit my head, I slipped on ice outside the BX little store at Vance AFB and barely hit the back of my skull….

After discharge, I had 8 bone scans from 1983 to 1988…. showing all kinds of uptake activity that is indicative from trauma or old age or disease… they thought I had Paget’s disease… they were wrong… as usual……. by 88 I was 33 years old… and my ribs looked like those of a 65 year old… my current age…

It all comes back to knowledge and I asked so many times over the years, I asked Freda, I asked Don, I asked Peggy, I asked Larry, I asked Tiny!!!! all christians who know their god… because if I had known the truth… just that fear of me knowing, would have caused their heart attacks… knock knock… I’m home….

I don’t get even, but I sure as hell won’t stop life from getting even for me… like I said before I have a gift… one, I have proven to Mike repeatedly over the decades and I have never been wrong…

Life does get even…. not gods… humans do it to each other when they believe in gods…

I just watch, wait, listen and observe… and life has yet to disappoint me… Patience really is a gift…oh and the curly hair… yep, it’s back, even long, it is curly…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDdintTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Sending as much positive energy to judge Ruth… we lose her and our democracy is doomed and Salem Witch Trials and Spanish Inquisition and the Holocaust, will have nothing on the corruption of America by chrisitians…

Hawaii, land of hate and bigotry… Aloha no more…

More than one senior, and I am talking someone in their 70’s or above… we are still just spring chickens ourselves… but more than one senior has told us how the younger people, below the age of 60… has lost all Aloha and they are so dead on…

We walk early in the morning, because of traffic and stupid on the road… this morning was no different, except being Saturday, very very little traffic…

One vehicle coming towards us, no other opposing traffic, never slowed down, but moved over to avoid a mcdonalds bag of garbage in the road, but as she approached us, she never slowed down and NEVER moved over…

We are walking in the road, the side area is not safe and very uneven… but we move off the road for traffic, because you can’t trust any of the drivers… not even the bus drivers for kids…

The woman made eye contact and refused to move over, forcing us off the road… again, no opposing traffic, which she could have moved into that lane, which is customary… IF YOU LIVE ALOHA…. it’s was obvious this young Hawaiian woman has no Aloha….

Oh, I am so hoping the kids Monday pursue purchasing this house so we can leave….

I know my ancestors, the founders of America are turning in their grave because of Trump and his christian base….

Mikes ancestors, those Portugese that populated the Samoa and Hawaiian islands are turning in theirs… as is my Uncle Lee, who lived the internment camps of WWII….

Bigotry at it’s best… because we both look so typical European….

Now that is the true nature of Hawaii…. not Aloha… but bigotry….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember a kinder, gentler Hawaii… it is long gone…

Only Christians do this…

Only chrisitans think, mind you not well, thinking is a complex process, where you actually use your brain and figure out if something is right or wrong… but not so with christians

Christians… THINK they have a say over my body… REALLY??? Are you a MODERN DAY SLAVE OWNER??????

Christians… THINK they know more about the beginning of life, because of a bible, my great 30+X’s uncle wrote… you know King James.. yep, we be related… and just a FYI… THE DUDE WAS HUMAN!!!!!

Christians… THINK they know how humans came to be??? REALLY??? According to science, we evolved from previous humans that were not as evolved as we are and they walked this planet hundreds of thousands of years, before the Jews created a white man’s god…. DNA says my ancestry goes back over 300,000 years… PROOF, not myth like chrisitans…

Christians…. THINK they know what is best for everybody else, but are unable to open that closet door, without a ton of skeletons walking out… rape, theft, lying, cheating and my favorite… murder….

Ya know, I watch and I watch and I watch…. anymore… it’s watch and laugh…

Because to fix stupid, you have to own your life and that is something not one person who calls themselves christian has ever done…

I am not chrisitan… I am a human, who will make mistakes and own those mistakes and not ask one mother fucking human for any kind of anything… it’s not their life to begin with… but if you insist in getting in my way… oh I so hope it’s in public… pretty please… unfiltered would be a gift in that moment in time…..

True Story…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Word press an its weirdness

Obvious someone who works at WP is monitoring my complaints…

Do you realize it is more like them doing everything they can to get me to go away….

Paranoia… nope watching posts delay before uploading to internet… but I think what I see is just a glitch, time will tell, it always does…

You just wait an watch, perps always trip themselves up….including me๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜

I remember Margie….

No more docs off island…

Mike gets home from Oahu and tells me no more trips to Oahu…

When I asked if it was because of Xeljanz RA drug, he said yep…

First RA drug he used since Humera came out in 04, that actually gave him relief…

He has tried most biologics out there an got zero relief…He is more active, uses less pot and the damage to his joints have slowed, not stopped….

Sometimes the only choice is man made drugs… as gods have no say over evolution….they were never part of our creation, except in the minds of the mentally ill….

Sgt USAF DAV I Remember Margie….

Battle bots…

Yep, set up DVR so we can watch it before bed…

Some badass robots fighting for rights…what rights you got me, but fun to watch…

If I could build one that could run out to the road an disable bangers sound system….

It would be a sexy hot pink….

SGT USAF DAV

When Opportunities Knocks…

Taking a nap, after all our furniture moving and carpet cleaning and the phone wakes us up…

On the other end… the oral surgeons office, asking if I can come in Monday for extraction… I jump on it and Mike says, the buyers are confirmed for 10:30…. my heart sank…

I had to decline the appointment, which would have been close to eye surgery, but… damn…. Now I have to wait till Oct 7 to get it removed…. UGH!!!

For just a few minutes I regretted not canceling the buyers and taking the dental… if the clinic was on this side of the island, could of done another time that morning… but it’s over two hours to get to the other side, add in the demonstrators that just added another half hour per the news… not going to happen…

So I let the opportunity pass by…. knowing the next several weeks would mean the same issues I am already dealing with and more pain meds, yada, yada, yada…..yawn…………………….

The antibiotic did the job and the hot heat I felt in my head has gone, so points for me and none for the docs…. but the surgeons office has me on standby, so any cancellation, we are on the road… won’t pass on a 2nd opportunity….

I keep saying life is about one thing… not gods, not faith, not religion, not who or what you think you are…. life is about….

Choices… I own this one… I don’t recommend anyone else do this… I know I will go thru lots of crest mouth wash and salt water rinses, to keep everything hunky dory…..

It could in the end, change a eating habit from childhood, so maybe something positive out of it that way… the only thing that could ruin Monday… the prospective buyers that made a offer, decide not to go any further… again, their choice can have a negative impact on us….

My choice, gave another patient an opportunity to get in…

Choices are the only thing in life that has any value….. because of their impacts on all of us….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Here we go again…๐Ÿ˜ณ

Last buyers whose offer we countered, had declined…

But we lowered the price, cut back what we were letting go an they are coming back Monday for a detailed inspection… to see if they want to jump on it before we go public with price reduction… I do have a good realtor….

Maybe Monday we will be sold…. long weekend ahead, breaking down extra furniture an bagging it for shipment, so I can clean carpet, plan we had already started… an getting ready for the price reduction…

No wake up by mouth last night… YEA๐Ÿ˜‚ talking, not easy, inside left cheek is chewed raw an stings with sugar or salt an hurts to talk lots, so hubby doing all that for us….

Watching the market, been down this road before and it was corrupt christians who did it before an still doing it…honest, only the ignorant blames the fed chair when head moron is pulling the strings an that is normal christian behavior… CORRUPT!!!!

You can not fix stupid, stupid has to decide life is worth living, and not hide from it because of religion which is 100% MAN MADE!!!! Guess some people need to be told right from wrong….

Sgt USAF DAV

Best time to shop for Kapuna…

The eye drops doc ordered for me from VA, we both missed one of them… an surgery is very soon…

Call surgeons office, they call script to walmart an this morning it is ready….

We head into town before 8am an traffic was congested…. but rush hour here, not really….

Get to store, tired, pain to much coffee an looking for escape…. everyone was so nice, in fact, lots of peeps our age…

I think the kids may have lost Aloha, but not the seniors called kapuna….

I think my new shopping time is very early from now on…Till things wind down over the TMT an Mauna Kea… kids are angry an we are just a little tired of the bigotry an bullying…sad, but true….

MLS is being updated, to a lower price an we wait an see….

This just twitched, WP an Ipad not all that friendly….

Sgt USAF DAV

What woke me up….

I knew, when the tooth broke at the gum line, and it still has sensation for hot and cold… I was screwed… and it hasn’t been that off the chart painful… but it lets me know it’s there…

As for the drainage that woke me up… my guess and I have not reserached this… but with an exposed piece of calcium that has nerves, yada, yada… it isn’t dry and brittle… it’s living… and because the root is now exposed, air, when I breathe or eat, it is drying out and stuff is draining, because the tissue is now rejecting it, yada, yada, yada….

I do know that the continue pounding on my left side, will ultimately compromise that bridge and I will have no upper teeth, except the 2 front ones… damn did child hood just come full circle on my teeth coming in as a kid… sorry no pics of me with missing teeth…

By having our realtor drop the price and put a time frame out there… it makes decisions for me…

We can find out if anyone has been watching and waiting for a price drop and should get a quick offer… if no one has… we will be spinning our wheels until the 15th of Sept…..

If the VA does nothing to address this issue in a timely and safe manner… come spring, we are shipping our stuff home and we are leaving… the house will be up for sale, but we won’t be here to put up with any more discrimination against this woman veteran…..

So why the time difference??? Easy moving with dogs during the holiday season… NOT HAPPENING….

You want to see a mess at the airports here, fly during holidays or summer… and during the summer, you have to have seats a minimum of 25 days in advance with the dogs… ours are big pups… we found this out this summer when we thought we had the house sold and bought tickets and lost money… not again…

So if no offer by September 15th, we are off the market and I fight to see if the VA will do the damn job I wore a uniform for… Trump doesn’t do his job, so why should I expect a health care organization to do theirs????

Been down this road before, because of corrupt republicans and chrisitans… one of these days people will be impacted and have enough of mans, man made god….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember Margie….

Sale Price Lowered… Hawaii house for sale…

Getting woke up at 3AM by blood and some other nasty taste in the back of my throat, made me realize… federal employees on Hawaii are playing god with my life and they don’t have a right… NO ONE DOES!!!! NOT EVEN GOD TRUMP!!!!

So I sent the realtor a new listing to put out there with a lower price…

If we get no accepted offer by the 15th of September, we are off the market and I start asking news organizations and who ever will listen, why aren’t I getting care and why is it some dumb ass on the East Coast gets national attention in 2016 for not being able to get an appointment at the VA and while I, a 100% SERVICE CONNECTED VETERAN is being denied care????

Bigotry in America, thanks to the christian religion… and until it impacts you… go about your little lives… because it’s coming… Why??? federal employees are your neighbors and relatives…..so are veterans….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Restless night, no VA Health Care….

I took an oath to serve and protect America…..

Begging for my dental care as a 100% service connected veteran, never crossed my mind, until I could not work anymore, because of multiple brain injuries….

In 2016 a male veteran made national news because he could not get an appointment at the VA in a timely manner…

I have been begging…. BEGGING for dental care on Hawaii island since May of 2018, and can not get anyone to do the job an provide care I was promised, because of an oath I took to protect….

America does not support veterans….. they are more afraid of the NRA…

3AM, an my mouth woke me up…. how many women veterans are you turning your backs on???

Christians in America playing god an politics with veterans lives….

SGT USAF DAV

Depression has lost its grip…

Wow, after Friday, breaking a tooth…

Yesterday begging for my VA health care….

Buyers declining our counter offer today….

Damn me, I am not depressed!!!!

Holy crap on a cracker!!!! I am not depressed!!! Wow….

It all goes back to knowledge… and the fact the chaos is over… It is gone, Margie is back….

It is a step in the right direction for regaining the memories still hidden…

PTSD, it still is here, because I am not sure it is ever gone…especially after 60 years of it….

I am stunned… With all the negative, I’m not depressed, in fact, I’m hungry๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฏ…..

The brain, the best toy evolution gave to humans… you just got to embrace it… all of it….

Sgt USAF DAV I Remember Margie….

House still for sale…

The buyers declined our counter…

If they had offered a better deal, we would have considered it… they wanted about $20,000 between money and property, on top of the house… not realistic….

Recession is coming our way… cost of living has gone up the last few months…

I have cut use of the dryer, not using the AC, unless cooking dinner…. buying what we need, not what we want…

When it started in 08, my banker was clueless…. I doubt many are that way now, unless they support Trump and enough said about stupid…

If it wasn’t for my lack of health care by the VA, I wouldn’t have a problem staying right where we are at….

No one bothers us, the chickens are no longer an issue….

Only time anything negative happens, when we go out among people at the stores and you find out how ugly it has gotten on the island… so I am trying different stores…

I wish I could drop the price on the house enough, to entice a buyer… but unless you are fiancially secure, buying a house may not be all that smart right now… I did it in 08 and a 2nd one in 10…. it was a struggle to keep things flowing the way we like…

This time around, we may be stuck right here… We are established, we have doctors… or at least Mike does and I get to see an MD when ill, as for my Dental… well we all see how that is not going anyplace fast….

Really tempted to get me good old fashion bubble gum and make sure my lower partial is glued in and see if I can’t pull that root out…. only one problem… the damn thing was tightening back up when it broke… go figure… I really can’t win… the idea was intriguing….

Mike is on his way home in a few hours… he knows the house isn’t sold… honest their offer was right out of House Hunters on TV… not realistic…

I am bummed… but as long as I have a dentist who can make me a NEW partial… I’m good, now that root, that’s a different problem….

Aloha

Sgt. USAF DAV

Hawaii health care…

Be warned, the island is short on doctors, specialist, you name it…or Mike would not be on Oahu today…

Still no call back from oral surgeons office and at this point after begging for an appointment yesterday, doubt they will call back…

Go back in my blog an see how I was treated early on with private care…

I honestly can not recommend anyone move here, not if you need reliable health care…

We budgeted for Mikes trip months ago… an even if I got on a plane on my dime, who would I go see and could I afford it…

VA is no longer health care… we are back to VA death care… at this rate, mine may be the next death….

Sgt USAF DAV

100% DAV Serivce Connected, gets worse care than dependent husband… FACT!

When I caught Mikes heart failure in 2014, he had been on CHAMPVA since 2004 and medicare since 2004…

We learned early on, we never had to take a dime out of pocket, except for transportation for his health care after that point in time…

He had open heart surgery and a triple bypass the spring of 2015…. when it was all said and done, it cost medicare first and they covered about $200,000 the other $200,000 was covered by CHAMPVA… because Mike is my dependent…we never paid a dime out of pocket…

It does not matter what doctor he needs to see or how expensive the test or the RA drugs and the blood thinner shots he does twice daily…. the U. S. Government pays for it…. because of ME… the veteran….

Mike has never had to wait more than a couple weeks to see any doctor in the last 15 years….

I need to see a oral surgeon ASAP and this happened Friday of last week….

You got it… here I sit… Waited since 2009 for a Recotcell, got that last year on Oahu… Begged for dental implants in May 2018, I have lost most of my teeth since that request…

This is what Trump and his base has done to Veterans health care…

This is what Mitch Mcconnel calls pandering to the military…..

This is what christians think of the soldiers that protect their lives….

Already out over $20,000 for my health care in the last 20 years… and I expect that number to climb….

Mike had to go see his RA doctor, not one on our island… the only thing it cost me… his airfare and Taxi’s…. for a once a year checkup on his RA…

I can’t get the VA to say boo……………………………………………………

Still wondering why veterans commit suicide????

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIdidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Word Press???edited…

I was looking at Ipad after update an all of a sudden, you can not see todays stats with other stats…

Kids you got problems with your update… guess I am stuck with yesterdays stats… cluster F…..

Sgt

okay todays numbers showed up…somebody babysitting me๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคช???

Hawaii our night light last year… so much has changed…

Lava as it flowed from fissure 8 to the ocean…2018

Little did we know, when we got our appraisal last year… so much would change in a years time….

I got proof that I suffered a stroke and TIA’s… MRI & MRA was done in Dec of 18 & Jan of 19…

I got proof that I had 2 different kinds of neuropathy and all the testing showed that it was not genetic, nor any history of injuries….

I got proof from my mother and sister… I had been played for decades, so they could hide behind their god for the things they did to a child…. such good christians….

I could stand at my kitchen window and that red glow greeted me every night until late August….

One night as I was fixing coffee for the next morning I looked out to see the familiar glow and it was gone… just the odor of gas’s and smoke on the wind….

Our night light would be no more….

A year ago was the most fascinating experience I have ever had, living on this planet… and no one, not even mans god, can take that from me….

It has been a year of figuring and confronting my anger at humans that call themselves christian, that are so capable of such cruelty and be able to sleep at night… Mental illness at it’s best… must be why Trump only sleeps 4 hours a night…

Mike says I am making progress… yesterday was a complete cluster fuck and still no call from the surgeon or VA to put me on a plane and I promise that plane hubby took this morning for his doctors appointment, will be full of male veterans going to Oahu for care… and here I sit… something all to familiar in a christian run society… laws are for suckers… not christians… same goes for federal regulations and priority health care…

Frustrated, angry… I was there yesterday and I have learned to let it go, because I have control over one thing only…. Me….

Kids have till Friday to respond to our counter offer…. if they decline…. I fight for my care here… if they accept… I hope I have a partial that fills my face, but the doc says eating with it, not a good idea!!! REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weight is down to 143…. 1 pound away from where I was when I quit Levothyroxine…. Eating is okay, but partials come out after and pain pill gets taken every day, just so I can tolerate them in my mouth… what a mess the VA has done to veterans… and people wonder why we commit suicide…

Forcing myself to do the exercises, because my back and knee keep giving out on me and my back went into spasms….

I really respect anyone who works out after a brain injury, if you can be discpline with exercise, the world is yours for the taking…

my motivation area of the brain is damaged… so exercise is the one thing I have found… I have to push to do… anything else, no problem… so go figure me and exercise are not friendly or on first name basis’s….

This waiting is giving me time to think and pursue thoughts I have put on the back burner… soon, eye surgery and I’ll get my right eye back… terrified, but so looking forward to seeing clearly again….

TMT demonstrators have cost us taxpayers…. 3.5 million dollars, because of the demonstrators… and that money so could be used for the homeless population, or infrastructure, like roads in the lava flow we had last year…such a waste over superstitions… when knowledge is the only true power… humans are the only gods….

As for the current health, no more heat in my skull… the only mouth pain… if I hit that root when chewing and my TMJ, but it’s real obvious Arkansas VA screwed up and changed my bite, looking at the pictures the placement of 8 & 9, they did them backwards and changed my crossbite to a over bite, displacing my lower mandible… requested med from doc for the spasms, when I over work the area, because of the current issues…. sigh…….

Honestly, they really call this health care for veterans….. Really?????????

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…

Dental patient bled out…edited….

Back in the day, when I was a dental tech in the Air Force… I had no knowledge, understanding, comprehension… nada, when it came to medicine… in fact, I couldn’t even remember much of school… so naive and ignorant when I got to the base DDA… direct duty assignment from basic training… no schooling… I learned on the job…. and found it fascinating

I remember one patient, in his 20’s and we extracted I think all 4 wisdom teeth… and as usual, we gave him a briefing on what not to do… made sure he was okay, because back at that time… you just got numbed up to get teeth extracted… no laughing gas in our clinic or IV’s….

So we sent the kid to the barracks, where he lived with instructions… and I don’t remember all of the circumstances on his death… but I remember he was found in the barracks, passed out on the floor, and he bled out….

Since I wasn’t of rank to have knowledge of what really happened… I can’t tell you anymore of the story…

It did change the way we sent patients home after dental surgery…

I do wonder if the kid had a blood disorder, much like my hubby… we didn’t know about it, until we did DNA testing thru oncology… he has a clotting disorder that is genetic… same can be for bleeding….

Dentist or doctors don’t always get it right… I am a prime example of that issue…

I beat myself up, because when I saw the doc Mon, he looked skeptical or I am just being paranoid… that goes hand in hand with TBI’s…. and it’s a battle I fight once in a while, because…

I doubt myself… something I am learning to let go… and it’s only because … Christians told me I was stupid and beat that into me…IQ in 1985 was 136…. so you tell me….

I have proven by taking IQ tests and a recent one at El Paso… the IQ is up there, above the average person… and just a FYI, Trump is not even equal to average intelligence and that is typical of the christian faith, they lose themselves, just so it’s everyone elses fault…. seen a lot of that lately, even in print…

I didn’t get a choice… Christians beat me from the day I could walk and did so, until I walked out the door… that is the last time any human on the planet hit me… a christian was the last and only people to ever hit me or rape me….

But how I deal with all that is going on with the corrupt VA system… I can only do so much… I am not wealthy…. I live payday to payday… because of what Trump has done to trade… it costs us more every time we buy food or order anything, we are paying out an extra $750 a month… because of christian Trump and his base…

At some point and time, it will backfire on them and just like the NRA they will back track, make concessions, until they can get a foot hold on our courts and government again….

I hope with all I am, Kavanaugh gets removed from the Supreme court and Trump ends up in Orange… and religion is ruled to be delusional… per psychiatry…..

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

My IQ has no value except to pencil pushers… Without education, my abilities are limited by what I can comprehend and remember… To me the IQ is more a psychological understanding of life with a unique perspective because of my TBIs…. What ever gifts I had before the death at 13, are more like ghosts in the night… sometimes I can see it, sometimes I can not… TRUE STORY…….

Document….

Word Press you suck… just had to sign into my account AGAIN!!!!!!!

circa 1975…

What I am trying to do… come up with a picture that shows my proper placement of my front teeth, before the military and VA got those crappy incompetent hands on me… so when I am at the dentist getting this crap fixed, I got a quick reference for the doc… to put my teeth back the way they belong!!!!!

Sgt. USAF DAV

Back to Basics…. Health first…

Okay, the day has been one of revelations… the dental clinic, I guess according to the surgeons office had not provided them with the necessary diagnostic info… -1 for them… but the VA priority authroization was +1 for the VA, but surgeon can’t get me in anytime soon… -1 for the VA, why aren’t I on a plane to Oahu to get this taken care of???

Seriously, they put the men on the plane for the slightest problem if it can’t be addressed here…

I started complaining of dental pain in May 2018!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And here I sit, with a toot broken off at the gum line… a live nerve in a root that is exposed and symptoms for over the last year of infection…. which, guess what, is real…

The heat flush’s to the brain have stopped, the sinus on the right maxillary side is no longer tender and painful, though thanks to the weather, now sneezing is happening… I can’t win… honest…

I went back to basics and reviewed what I knew from my military training as a dental technian…. and I am lucky… breaking that tooth, when the clinic was closed, got the antibiotic on board… even though to the dentist, he is skeptical, or is that just my imagination… he is trying to take care of me… I am so tired from all the pain and now that I see how my bite is so off, I get all the issues over the last 9 years… just wow, shame on El Paso VA for ignoring my plee…. Shame!!!!

Living here, I am screwed, not enough dentist and I don’t know of any other surgeons on the island that will take veterans… I was told the one in Kona was it…

If we were home, this would be removed already by my old dentist… he will be so shocked to hear of how the VA has done my care…. he’s retiring soon…

At least, by looking at the X-ray, the bone is healthy… but I have no X-rays of my left maxillary area, and that very well could be where the infection is at and I have a bad feeling with the migraine I have on the side of the brain where that area is… I am probably right… at least the antibiotic byes me time… and I know how to maintain, to keep from causing more problems…

I’ll just be going through a lot of pain medication and that is never good for my kidneys or bladder… I am one issue away from cancer, because of all they did to those areas… did you know that surgeries on the bladder can cause cancer… yep… I did and with all the pain I am having in that area… I am so wishing we were home already… and I was under different care…

I just got to play it smart, pay attention and stay as healthy as I can, until someone gets busted for playing god as a federal employee… Trump does it in plain sight…. I have a very good idea of who it is at Hilo… it would be nice if they screwed up and exposed themselves… cause I know I am not the only vet having health care issues here on the island… I am just one of many….

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell… I did,and got shut down by men in power….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

VA will NOT impact my mental health!!!

Exhausted… doesn’t take much emotional upset and I am done, drained for the day…

I so get suicide among veterans…

When I worked with patients in our dental clinic, we connected because our regular patients were retirees or those stationed permanent at the base… our transit was the pilot students…

When I would talk with a patient while waiting on the doctor, they found out I had lived over seas, and I knew much about the last few years of vietnam, with living on Okinawa… so lots of times we had a connection… got over a 100 letters of commendation from patients when the Air Force pushed me out, to cover up rape and attempted murder… one was from a retired General…

I have fought for my survival since the death of Margie at Webb AFB, Big Springs, Texas 1967…. accuracy on that is no longer important… but the memories I have gotten back of my death, have been telling….

I fought depression and refused to be pulled down to level of depravity of the christian faith… so I walked away and started hunting for Margie…

I would hear of a suicide and the thought would fleet across my mind, how easy it would be to give up and just die… after a while, I became numb to the number of veterans taking their lives… I was fighting for my own….

When the VA employee at Arkansas went off on me… I withdrew and am to the point now, I won’t contact the VA for any reason, except to change address, so I can get my meds, that inhaler is spendy… after last summer and the Hilo & Oahu VA behavior, when I followed all procedures and kept my mouth shut and was nice…. they still left me stranded at the airport on my birthday for my last post op…. and were rude when I contacted them for transportation… I haven’t talked to any VA employee since… my soul is worth so much more than selling it for VA death care….

Yep the depression is here and it will linger for a few hours or the day… my mind will work on a option that I can afford and decisions will be made, once we find out if the buyers accepted our offer… it will just change a couple of things concerning our move… the money will be needed for immediate dental care on my dime… especially if that root is still in my skull!!!

I value life… I have seen more death than any human should… you could say, I see dead people…. it’s analogy… for the amount of death I have seen….

I value my life, even if the federal government is trying to do all it can to make it miserable… they can only encroach so far, before I take a healthy bite out of that dumb ass of theirs….

last time Fox news from El Paso interviewed me and people couldn’t move fast enough… the case is on file against a medical facility in New Mexico and El Paso identity theft… IG of New Mexico has it on public file… I allowed it to be public… I don’t like being messed with and lawsuit is always possible, I think I have 7 years to deal with that mess…. that was spring of 2016….

Just a FYI, before the CEO, CFO or Acting Director of El Paso VA could fix anything… I already had the 3 major credit beureaus by the balls and they fixed it so fast, it shocked everyone involved, including Beto O’rourkes office… they were involved… but I still pay for credit monitoring because of this mess… yea for government accountability…

Regardless, I have been down tougher roads… walked around with my rectum in my underware for 4 years BECAUSE OF EL PASO VA!!!!

My teeth, well, until I have some… public is not a place I will be….

Granny from the Clampets comes to mind….

Aloha

Sgt. USAF DAV

Enough Already…. I am in control!!!

Enough of the rants… nothing you can do about corrupt christians in government… started working civil service when I was 17 years old as a GS2…wow that was a long time ago… I saw corruption at that time and saw it up till I walked away from my last federal job in 1996…. Trump just puts the corruption front and center…..

I know this is going to cost me money… If I want my health, I have no choice… regardless the fact that I was awarded 100% service connected disability from the Veterans administration… I will never truly get good care for one reason only….

I am a whistle blower… did it several times when still working and have filed a couple IG complaints against the VA system… When I filed the one against the El Paso VA, my health care changed… that was 2011 and it has been a non stop fight to get my care… federal employees have some kind of black ball system that targets you… the patient… because you called out their corruption… you showed the hands in the cookie jar… and boy did I show the hands…

I guess I have no one to blame but myself… I truly thought Truth, Justice, Laws, Morals, Integrity actually had meaning, until I realized those in charge are “CHRISTIANS”….. and it’s cost me every time I call out the corrupt…

While I was ranting, Mike was on the phone with the senator, he tells me after I am done writing… and I nearly went off on him… asking why bother???

They will put a man on a plane for the most minor medical issue and me… I have a life threatening issue that has been ongoing for over a year, by the blog notes… wow… they really do want me dead… who ever is scared of me remembering the past… really does not want that information to make the light of day… paranoid… you live on the lack of sleep I am getting right now…!!!

I examined the X-ray, I do know how to read them… did the job… and bone, it all looks good, but that doesn’t explain the blood in the back of my throat or the other weird taste on occasion… so that tells me, something else is going on with my dental, I just don’t have a smart enough dentist to deal, or because he only gets paid for doing what the VA authorizes, he is not allowed to do or say more… seen that before, with the VA pencil pushers… they play god… not about the paitent… it’s about the dollars…just wow…

My biggest thing, get a functioning partial so that I can have speech… right now, it’s too painful because I bite the inside of my cheek trying to talk… gives hubby a break from the prattle….

I know how to keep things healthy, and the amoxicillin was the right drug, even if the dentist thinks no infection… doubt he knew what a fistula was when I mentioned it… how did they graduate school???

And from what the surgeons office said, even if we are here for implants… 2 years…. from start to finish… because of scheduling… yep, VA takes real good care of it’s patients on the island of Hawaii, if you are a man!!!…

I am so thinking of jaws in that Bond movie… would love a row of metal teeth and just line the men up and let me at em!!!!

Sgt. USAF DAV

Waiting on Surgeon…

Okay, I am done… UNCLE… the clinic told me yesterday they sent everything out to the surgeon and the VA…

Called the surgeon this morning to make appointment and they got VA emergency authroization… oh yea… but nada from the dental clinic???

Oh boy, what if just popped back into the drop in dental care between the VA and the clinic… because I called them yesterday afternoon and they told me they had done all they were suppose to do and the surgeons office says nope they didn’t… is that what happened to the VA request for implants??? wow???

If the surgeon can not get me in this week for me to sit in their waiting room till they can squeeze me in oh yea for that physical pain it will cause from so much confined sitting…. they say it will be October??? ARE YOU FOR REAL???

I have been in tears, screamed and yelled this morning, to the point, my husband has been in tears, because he sees me in so much physical and emotional pain… abandoned by my own government…. about the way I felt when I went in for rape counseling… that was a total joke!!!

I so get why veterans take their lives… I so get it, when I feel this defeated and stomped on…

I earned what I am being denied… I earned it with 5 1/2 years of active duty service…. I earned it by the gang rape by officers…. I EARNED MY HEALTH CARE!!!!!

But dead someone wants me… dead, no voice, no sound, no light….

Christians have been trying to steal my light since the day I could tell a christian they were nothing but humans, hiding behind a man made god, so they could act like gods….

My light is not for sale… not for health care, not for your respect… nada… My light will continue to shine, it will be a long, painful, expensive road… but it will continue to outshine the corrupt christians who are destroying our democracy…..

Sgt. USAF DAV

Mens Dicks are more important than my Dental Health per the VA!!!

Furious… oh that is an understatement….

Oahu VA will put a man on a plane from the big island to get his little dick taken care of…

But won’t put a woman veteran on a plane to get her mouth fixed?????

One is used for pissing and sexual pleasure….

The other allows a person to eat and breathe!!!!!

Little lopsided on health care in the VA system…. what do you expect from a christian run organization….

The bible puts the man above the woman….

And you keep allowing that to happen…

I blame you for not having any back bone and not standing up to corrupt christians that rape your kids, beat your kids and murder your kids…. wow, talk about throwing responsibility for life down the toilet because you dummied down with religion….

Trump and his christian base has turned VA health care into VA death care…

So…. I blame you….

Sgt. USAF DAV Atheist!!! and damn proud of it… My BRAIN WORKS!!!

Beating the corrupt VA system and costing federal employees their job…

Good luck with any of that…. an incident in Arkansas and El Paso and those employees still work for the federal government and they are both unstable employees and they should have been fired… but when Senators protect those employees… you are fucked… just that simple…

So how do I beat the VA at their own game… been there and done it before, but I had health insurance and in the end… it made me 90% service connected 10% unemployable, because of all the issues with my physical form… and brain injuries….

by 2004 after a federal employee screamed at me and just a fyi, Mike was on the extension, you know land line, when the incident happened… and the dude screamed at me, because the VA had made me permanent service connected… no more VA reviews… and this dude did not appreciate a woman veteran getting this status and he let me know in no certain terms, what he thought of me as a woman veteran…

2004 that happened and I started withdrawing from the VA system and was using my medicare, which was because I was recieving social security disability… 2004 is when Arkansas VA system traumatized me and that has not left the building, it impacts every VA I deal with and when the Hilo VA was rude, vulgar and flat out negligent… I was done and that was 2016… and I went on my medicare after no health care for a year, till the VA gave me Tri-west and thanks to Trump, we are back to dealing with VA employees who like Trump, play god… because they can get away with it… it is that hard to fire a federal employee… why do you think Trump push’s them to retire or resign… they do it for him… no battle…. and nothing has changed…

So what do I do with this mess the Arkansas VA started and I am currently living with and probably the reason my bridges on both sides of my maxillary failed… I was hitting on my back teeth incorrectly… sure explains years of torn up interior cheek, chewed to disgusting ugly tissue… explains why my partials are painful to wear, because they are putting improper pressure on the bone and tissue… explains why I have literraly biten my tounge so bad, it bleeds at least once a week… and with the current dental issues, eating is a task that is beyond difficult…. thus the bikini body in a great grandma!!!

Hope, I have so much hope the kids accept our final counter offer and the house is sold… Why???

Because on the mainland, I can go to Wenatchee or Spokane and pay for a consult that will evaluate the fuck up the Arkansas VA dental clinic did and tell me what needs to be done and what procedures are necessary to achieve a healthy life…. I expect that to cost me a couple grand….

Once I have that evidence, the fight is on with the VA to make them pay for what I earned and fix what they fucked up….

If you want to fight the system, it will cost you… I did that for my bladder and it took 13 years to get it fixed… did the same for the rectocell and that took 9 years to get it fixed…. and the dental… I have complained about since the dumb ass doctor at Little Rock fucked up my mouth in 2010!!!…

I had private insurance with the bladder, before I had to quit work… with the dental… it has been all out of pocket… and so it will be again to make the VA do the job they swore and oath to fullfill… that must be the same oath Trump took and crossed his fingers on also…

It is not the agencies or the offices that are corrupt….

It’s the CHRISTIAN HUMAN EMPLOYEES THAT ARE CORRUPT…..

Take away the fake religion bull shit and all you got is a corrupt human being… they made a choice to do what they did….

They made a choice… so did Trump….

Sgt. USAF DAV

When Arkansas VA Screws UP!!!

Only picture I can find, that shows my front two teeth in proper placement… what was once a slight cross over bite… is now a severe cross over bite, but they switched the the two front teeth…

Instead of #9 sitting behind my mandible line of teeth, the Arkansas VA Dentist changed my bite by putting #9 in front of my mandible teeth…

Changing my bite completely and setting me on a path of a living hell inside my mouth…

You see when you change your bite, you impact the muscles and everything else involved with eating, talking and most of all breathing…. and that has become an issue…WHY???

Because when in resting mode, so you can sleep, your jaw and maxillary should be relaxed so you don’t create more health issues… and mine can not rest comfortably, because the jaw is forced out of alingment by the tooth #9 not being in natural placement and this forces my mandible jaw forward and creates a huge problem with the TMJ, because the TMJ is forced to sit in a unatural position…

I pointed this out to the El Paso VA dentist and she shot me down and refused to address the issue!!!!

I pointed this out to my current dentist and he just shrugs his shoulders, because he is tied by what the VA authorizes!!!!

I HAVE A LAWSUIT AND I NEED A PRO BONO LAWYER TO TAKE ON THE VA!!!!!!

Why does the VA get away with this… because for you to sue them, you have to have $50,000 to give a lawyer to even start the process and file the paperwork and get professional witness’s!!!!!

SO THE VA GETS AWAY WITH MEDICAL MALPRACTICE DAILY!!!!!!!!

I have other pictures that show the VA changed my bite and left me to suffer for the last 10 years and I am paying for it… and it is going to cost the VA….

There will be more MRI’s!!! or CT scans… what ever tests I think I need, will get done till I prove the VA is trying to make my living life a living hell!!!!! and tax payers… you are paying for it… I will get every test under the sun, just so the VA can not say, well it’s not your mouth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It explains the pain down my neck into my shoulders… explains the pain from my jaw up into my skull… you know, it is going to get very expensive for the VA, because until they address my mouth, like they should have done in 2010….

I AM GOING TO COST THE TAX PAYERS HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN UNNECCESSARY TESTS!!!!!!!!!

BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO ADMIT THEY FUCKED UP!!!!!

What do you expect from christians… a lollipop????

Sgt. USAF DAV

Ugh!!!

Having lots of medical knowledge, you know more than you should and can be dangerous… thankfully, I haven’t gotten it wrong yet, but a day will come…

So much for dental surgery any time soon….

I have cataract surgery here pretty soon and that makes me vulnerable, though rare for those kind of complications…

I do believe in Murphy’s law and that sucker has been on my door step one too many times….

So it’s best to put off the extraction until 3 weeks from now……………..

65 year old great grandma… is going to have a bikini body….

oh joy…..

Sgt. USAF DAV I remember a body that once looked good…. bikini here I come….

VA Death care…

Wow, just had to sign in, to get into my blog… talk about a program that has more issues than a psycho path… that’s this software….. and I know it’s not me… real pain in the ass to have to go find the damn cell phone, so I can authorize myself to get on my on damn SITE!!!!!!

So the dentist takes x-rays, exams me and sends me on my way…. holy crap on a cracker what happened to health care in America????

So I got to be sent to see the surgeon on the other side of the island, on my dime, because to file travel with Oahu VA…. I would rather shoot myself… they are assholes in that department and I had my fill of them last year…. TRUE STORY!!!

We figure make the trip worth while and get the dogs meds at Costco… if we have an accepted offer, no grocery shopping, just get what the dogs need, get the root yanked and come back home and drive through the demonstration area…

Ever been shot at??? Or have a RPG go off near you or have people riot and burn your cars, while you are holed up in a hotel??? I was a dependent daughter and dependent wife when those things happened… and driving through an area where there are protestors, is something I have avoided, because of the above trauma… so the VA is going to traumatize me again mentally…. told hubby this is not going to be a fun road trip…

So the root looks good, the bone, looks healthy and the tissue is clearing up nicely… but the surgeon has to remove the root… and it could be a month before I get a working partial for eating…

So please tell me the United States Veterans Administration is NOT trying to starve me to death??????????????????

I asked the dentist what it would cost If I PAID, he declined!!!! FRUSTRATED!!!!

If we were on the mainland, this would not be happening…. Hawaii, anything but land of aloha and that was evident when we went to the store, before my dental appointment… it has become the land of, if you don’t look like me, get the hell out of my way or I’ll run you over…. ALOHA, has left the islands…..

We submitted our counter offer and should know by Friday if we have a sold property… and we protected ourselfs, so I could get the second eye surgery before we move… Dental, I have hopes this will be done before October… but in real life health care…

It would already be done…. veterans don’t have health care… we have a president who thinks the disabled should be instituionalized, it’s cheaper…

Serve your country and they shit on you and that is a flat out fact….

hope springs eternal…life shits on them…an eye for an eye per their bible….

Sgt. USAF DAV

Depression, on it’s way like Dino….

I got it at a young age, by the time I was 6 or 7… I was depressed… Made me an easy target by christians to be brain washed… even got baptized twice, because of the parents beating on me and abuse by others… didn’t do any good at that time and it won’t change anything at this time…

I lost all faith in psychatrity when they made my 6 year old feel like a rapist… and he was the one who got raped ON a FEDERAL INSTALLATION!!!

When he came out of counseling, because I knew how important it was to make him understand he did nothing wrong… and he looked up at me with adult eyes for a 6 year old and said…”mommy, you told me I didn’t do anything wrong, and I said you didn’t, and he said… but they make me feel like I was the one who did something wrong”….

That is the whole conversation and as I walked him to my dental clinic, as I was still on duty… I told him….”You never have to go back an talk to those people”… just a fyi, they were christians….

So between my own depression with what happened to me in my short time on earth… I had the guilt of what I let happen to my own kid….

and those men in power at Vance AFB… made sure I had no reputation when I left the Air Force…. much like what Trump is doing in the 21st century… happended to me at Vance AFB circa 1983….

christians made it to the white house… you know, I never met a true christian… because their isn’t a snow balls chance in hell any of them can live up to the rhetoric they spout… i.e. Trump, Kavanaugh, Thomas, Graham, Mconnell….. shall I go on???

It’s changing… the chemical reaction in the brain is changing… because I want to change the way I make certain choices pertaining to certain circumstances….

With all I am dealing with and can prove the infection, because the blog is my diary of every appt and conversation…

I have been fighting for my life… and that bucket of shit… keeps smelling like intelligence and not roses….

No hot flush’s in my skull, the numbness is gradually going away and only those areas that have always been an issue are numb…

Perseverance to have a healthy life and the Veterans administration is doing everything they can to end my life… and I thought it was just the family that was freaked, because I remember….

A little dramatic yes, but I am tired of the pain, headaches and all the other symptoms I have lived with for a couple years…. all because NO ONE LISTENED!!!!!!

To call yourself a health care professional… you have to have your head out of your ass and LISTEN!!!!!

9 times out of 10, none of them can remember our previous conversations…. and these are the people we are trusting with our lives…..

Holy Crap on a Cracker!!!!

I Remember… Margie…

Help, I need somebody’s Help…..

Never got into the Beatles… I like Wings, but the Beatles or Stones… just not my cup of tea… more into the Moody Blues, Eagles, America…. would love to buy a juke box for our next home… and turn a room into a old fashion soda hop right out of the 50’s….

The headaches have really backed off… and this morning, I really put some pressure on the maxillary bone and did not have instant pain… and the numbness to that area that was spreading into my zygmoid sinus area has started to go away… so yep, I had a nasty infection that was spreading to the brain… and this is health care in America… my blog shows all the trips to doctors and dentist…. and it’s because of a pencil pushing federal employee playing god… now you understand why Veterans commit suicide… just beyond wow….. and it will get worse because of Trump stealing money from the different agencies…

The nerve in the root is still alive… found that out yesterday when I was eating… got so carried away, food slipped to the right side and chop right on that exposed root, with a live nerve…. we keep our distance now…

Being able to put my upper partial in, allows me full use of my left side, but it is real obvious Arkansas VA screwed up my bite, it’s so visible, no wonder my TMJ and other areas are so sore and so many headaches since they did the work in 2010… beyond giving up on VA Health care, it truly is Death care…

I expect the dentist to want to wait a couple more days, but ya never know… 72 hours of antibiotics and it’s obivious the infection is abating… yeah… can actually breath through that side of my noise last night, first time in a very long time… so yep, me a gazillion points… health care by licensed, college educated…. minus a gazillion points… I really don’t like winning this way… a even playing field would be so much better… no wonder our mortality rates in America are so high… lack of education….

We found a house we are interested in… have things in motion to get more information and trying to figure out the move, without building more debt… always fun, when you juggle money….

It’s now wait for the dentist office to call me….

Wait for our realtor to submit our counter offer today, we spent the weekend making sure we wanted to give up so much property, just to be able to leave… lighter we go home… oh well…

Hope springs eternal these few actions all work out to our benefit… Life is about one thing and one thing only….

Choice….

The choices the other players make, will have an impact on mine… that is why life has always been about one thing… not faith, not color of skin or place of birth…. it has always been about….

Choice…. my choices may impact your life… and that is a very realistic point of view, no mystic’s involved…

my words are just words… my actions are lasting…

life is about choice only….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie…