Pele is glowing…

Just like any proud mother… Pele is glowing… As the day comes to an end, we see a faint orange glow out the kitchen window… As the night darkens and our area of the world goes black, you see a bright red glow from the horizon up to the clouds… and it’s getting brighter…

As midnight came around and I got out of bed, you could hear the explosions and hissing sounds of gas escaping its prison called earth…The night is quiet of traffic an human activity… just the sounds of nature fill the air… The colors reflecting off the clouds leave an imprint of yellow, orange and reds… the smell in the air is of rotten eggs and the escaping gas is Pele’s sighs…

You have to be adventurous to live on an active volcano… Always prepared to pack up and leave on a moments notice… Pele will not knock on the door when she decides to clean house… this is her land, we are just tenants for a moment in time…

Sleeping finally after midnight and I wake with a start at 3:45 this morning… I could hear an explosion… I rise to look out the kitchen window and the glow has toned down, the volcano had erupted…

Yes you lose sleep, when you live this close to an active volcano… I don’t need exercise to get the ole heart thumping… I just have to look out my window… Pele is reminding me I am alive…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…

Pele makes for an interesting life…

When you decide to live among nature, you find out very rudely, you are not in charge… You are just a miniscule speck on the 3rd rock from the sun…

Sleep happens, but, always that word but… something, usually after the fact wakes you frequently in the night… it could be a little shaking and rattling or it could be the sound of explosions or it could just be the bright light glow coming off the clouds that reflect the light of the dancing lava that I see in the middle of the night…

Yes sleep happens, but not as soundly as you would like… the dogs like it even less and when I hear them roaming about the house, I know something just happened while we slept…

It was a risk I was willing to take, to live on Hawaii… I chose my home with care, based on what I could afford and gambled that I would not be in Pele’s way, if she decided to clean house… today we saw Volcanologist in our neighborhood… Never a good sign, when you see scientist and you know the volcano is active…

My nights are interrupted and it could be an interesting ride… I expect the depression to sneak in an take up residence… yet, I am aware and I hope that I keep the score at zero for depression taking hold… Exhaustion is my enemy while we live through the activity of this volcano… We shall just have to wait an see… to see if depression wins this round or me…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Hot poker in my brain…

I doubt you will get this…but it is a sensation I have felt for as long as I can remember… little did I know that I had a TBI and it was likely related to that or blunt force trauma…

Ya know, when you understand and know why and where the pain is coming from…for me it makes it so much easier to deal with… I can’t stop the pain, most of the time and in fact I can make it worse…

The difficulty of getting my health care taken care of is problematic…even though I am a 100% disabled veteran… I, being a woman, have had to fight every step of the way to get anyone to listen… I take responsibility for some of that… the college educated and federal employees will have to answer for their own behavior, which will happen when hell freezes over…

Back to this hot poker in my brain… it feels as if someone has been taking a hot instrument and slowly shoving it into the left quadrant of my brain and I am so over a week of this…

It has triggered some weird dreams that have to do with my parents… It is making me look at them in a different light… doesn’t change how I feel about them and my lack of interest in what they call their souls… but as they say… no pain no gain… 

It also has been impactful on my depression… Depression, I really hate that word and understand it even less… but depressed I have been and after last night, I got to admit it’s the past that is having fun with my existence… Not a constant un-obstructed view of the past… just flash’s of memory, that even now makes my brain throb…

The more I learn, understand and accept… the clearer some of the images of the past become… which has been a painful, I mean head painful process…

I get it takes time and that baby steps are the best course… but just like anyone else I want instant gratification and knowledge…. Knowledge is power and that seed of knowledge just needs to grow some more…

Pele is still spewing 10 miles away from us… The lava is headed to the ocean… The trade winds have moved the gas cloud off shore… The weather has been beautiful and the rain cleans the air… The volcanic eruption is only impacting 3% of our island… If you are curious we are divided in into 9 lava zones… I live in zone 3… the eruption is in zone 1 & 2…

TimesUp #MeToo

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Depression and Mother Nature…

When you have any doubt about you being alive… move to an active volcano and hello… you get your wake up call with a 6.9 earthquake…

I lived on Japan and Okinawa as a teenager and adult… Earthquakes were a daily occurence and still are…

I also lived in Italy in 76/77 and was at Aviano when we had a massive earthquake that left all of us rattled and camped out on the flight line, where I got pregnant with my 2nd child, ahh Italy…

I never thought I had depression, until I went into the military… I guess with all trauma I endured as a child, I developed depression and just lived with it… dealt with it just like anyone else… I drank… Drugs were never a big attraction to me, mainly because of how they impact my brain and I found that out in just being prescribed medications in the military…

Since waking up from this nightmare of 50 years… I still have no interest in booze… I do like my pot though… but I have to be cautious with it… some of what we grow can trigger depression…

When you figure we are and have been growing for a while and with Pele letting us know she is alive and kicking… I have been trying to figure out if I am depressed because of the pot or is it because of the ongoing eruption that I live only 10 miles away from…or is it the past…

For me with the depression, I think as long as I am aware of being depressed and I can figure out if it’s a moment in time from the past that is bringing me down or I did it to myself by using pot for all my pain… kind of a catch 22, but important when dealing with depression… making it worse is the dumbest thing I can do to myself… but like anyone else out there… I am a flawed human being and I am gong to make mistakes and take steps backwards on this journey of discovery….

I don’t enjoy the blue time… I find it intruding into life and stopping me from doing what I enjoy…

I guess the lesson from all this… you have no control over anyone or anything except yourself… not letting the depression just sneak up an take over is important to stopping the cycle…

Now if only Pele would go back to sleep so the rest of us can get some …

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Gas fills the air and booms in the background…

It is a rancid smell that hits you, when the gas from the volcano sits on top of you like a blanket… that was the odor we went to bed smelling and that is the same nasty smell we are getting right now…

On occasion, about 2 or 3 an hour, we hear explosions… those too have been going on since yesterday… We know that we are only about 10 miles from the action… but not far enough away to not feel it happening…

No major explosion yet at the volcano… the lava is getting down to the water table and if rocks plug up the tube, then we are looking at a major steam explosion, blowing substance in the air up to a couple of miles away from the volcano… the park is closed, so no danger to human life…

We haven’t seen any ash at our house… but disconnected our catchment just in case an bought a years supply of filters for the water… trying to get a parking canopy up today to protect the vehicles from acid rain…

If you are into volcanoes.. this is an exciting time on our island… but very safe and lots of island to see that is not impacted by our little drama at our end of the island…

No people have been hurt, but over 30 homes lost… housing will be a concern for the short-term… There are organizations in Pahoa and Keaau that are taking donations… please verify they are legit before you donate… Red Cross can not promise the money will go to Hawaii…

Thank you everyone for your concerns… It is just mother nature voicing her concerns over the lack of respect for the land…

You would think with all this gas and violence it would trigger memories… and at night I am having some weird nightmares, so we will see if I get anything out of all this activity and the place smelling very much like Big Springs, Texas… The brain is a powerful tool… it’s doesn’t always cooperate…

TimesUp #MeToo

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TBI & Anesthesia…

TBI & Anesthesia is such an important issue…  I have had over a dozen procedures and after every one of them prior to 2017… I was miserable for a few days after… 

When I realized I had a TBI and did more research on many topics pertaining to my circumstances, I realized… the doctors had been over medicating me every time I was put under… the last time at El Paso in 2011, I didn’t think I would wake up… the nurses were to busy arguing to pay attention to my comments about being sick after being knocked out… I woke up with purple fingers… lack of oxygen…

When I woke up from this nightmare on Nov 7, 2017… I knew that I would be having a major surgery in 18… the first thing I did, was tell every doctor, nurse, assistant… I had a TBI, maybe multiple TBI’s and that I had issues with being knocked out…

Everyone from the surgeon down to the gas passer… listened…

I came out of anesthesia with memory of recovery, no puking my guts out and no headaches…

Can not stress it enough… tell all your health care providers, if you have had a TBI… this was major surgery I had on valentine’s day… not one ounce of issues… not one… and I had to fly from Oahu back to Hilo the same day of surgery… not all of us get presidential treatment…

So if you are a TBI person… tell your health care providers… any of the medications out there can have an impact on you, because of that TBI… I know… I can’t take half the medication made… 99% of all man-made drugs adversely impact my body and my brain…

As for the volcano… we can hear sounds of lava being expelled and we can smell it today, but our winds are starting to pick up as we live only a mile from the pacific, so the smell will move off to the south area of the island… This is a great time to vacation here… with so many people not coming because of listening to fake news… you can probably get a sweet deal because of it… still waiting for the big blow from the lava hitting the water table… but the only dangerous area is near the volcano for that issue and the park has been closed down till after the event… but lots more to do on our beautiful island… 

Aloha…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….

Pele coughs at night…

We are up to 20 fissures opening up and spewing lava… Our little location in Hawaiian Paradise Park… we can hear #17, which from the reports is a real active fissure…

Once in a while we hear popping sounds and occasional boom… Felt one quake yesterday and we can see the smoke and steam coming off the vents that are expelling…

It makes for a restless night and when a quake or loud noise goes off at night, the dogs get agitated and prowl the house…

We can see the smoke and steam from our house, but cannot see the lava shooting off in the air…

Sleep is not great right now, thou my husband can sleep thru anything…

One thing about volcanoes, only the immediate area of the eruptions is dangerous… yet tourism is taking a hit, which makes no sense… but people will buy into the most ridiculous or fake rhetoric… Even the cruise lines bypassed us… sad for those vacationers…

As for the big explosion… they are waiting to see if it will happen, water table, falling rock and hot lava… it could put some ash in the air… but with the way the winds blow here… most of the ash and smoke and steam get blown off the south end of the island…

Lived here for 2 years now… and this has been the most interesting time on the island…

You just got to love mother nature… she never disappoints… nor does she tell her secrets… she just appears when and where she wants…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….