Children of Rape….

The republican party and religious bigots, want you to have children born of rape…  They force a child upon you and desert you when it takes thousands to raise that child of rape…

Trump, McConnel, Grassley, Cornum and all that agree with this idea that rape victims go straight to the police or parents or priest…. People who think this way are invariably rapist… There is no logic to the thought process, because there is no humanity… For all the religious rhetoric they spout… They have no humanity…

I have a child, born of rape… Society made my choice for me on how I handled that pregnancy… The child is 44 years old and treats me the same as the rapist did, DNA is stronger than a mothers bond…. I am pro choice, but, I do not believe in abortion… I was given life that I chose to let live and take the responsibility I did not ask for…

Rape is a life changer… From the moment it happened till you take your last breath… Rape steals from you, then men like Trump demoralize you, because of their agenda… Not humanity… 

AGENDA….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….Margies Song…

Where have all the flowers gone….

They say Karma is a bitch… They say Reality is a bitch and they say Mother Nature is a bitch… okay enough with the bitch crap already… and it has to start with me….

My desire… no that is not the right word… Fear is trying very hard to work its way into my reality and by fear I mean Maggi is trying to run away from what Margie is trying to show her… A pattern of behavior that is all to familiar… I dislike it when words come back and bite me in my little flat ass…

Mike would say fear is not something I know much about and he is referring to my behavior to never allow anyone, no matter who they are, try and bully me or manipulate me, including him… I put my life at risk more times than I can count standing up to other people… and for that I was labeled “Bitch”….  offensive, insensitive and degrading and we do it to our selves…. why… Fear…

There are many forms of fear I have to deal with on this journey to tell Margies story… some I have taken possession of and I own them and they no longer own me… yet there is still some fear, small hints of it at the weirdest time or place… those are the ones bothering me right now… Margie is pushing me and I am not all to sure I like it… Why??? Fear…

PTSD has lots of fear in it… you relive the horror of what you went through… only you know how painful the experience was and still is… people in the Republican party need to experience what that truly feels like for decades, I wish it would be so… but then my guilt would be great as I want no one to ever endure what I have… No one… I kept my humanity… christian god could not take it or break mine….

I wrote about it before, Empathy… we have lost it and instead have taken the hand of a man who is the personification of evil and his swamp and people support them…

I have seen this before and I feel my age for just a flash of a moment and I know what is about to happen will hurt our country for a long time… a nation that has allowed religious bigots to show the world… America is not the land of the free… Women are not allowed to own their own body… bigots think they do, but refuse to pay for or support the people they discriminated against… bigotry at its best… While those in office are bought and paid for with outside money…. 

I have hope… I will always cling to hope as I do what I need to protect my own… my government won’t do it for me, if they did… Puerto Rico would not be suffering a year later…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember… Margie….

Margies Song….of Silence

I never wanted to write or talk about the domestic violence or the rapes… I never wanted to open up and push outside my comfort zone and expose myself to ridicule and malice… I never wanted to go back in time and relive the horror I lived for 18 years in an Air Force, Christian home… I never wanted to revisit the past… I wanted it to all quietly die, the people … for all them to die and then I would never have to think of them again… It worked for a while but reality decided I needed a wake up call and it was not very nice when it bitch slapped me between the eyes…

Domestic violence, yes, I can come to terms with it… the only people on this planet that ever physically and mentally hurt me, mother, father & sister… though I would like to think the sister just got lost along the way… but after 58 years, that is doubtful… life is after all about choice and the word NO….

The Rapes, those are much harder for me to reconcile in my mind… as the memory comes across my mind, I flinch and jerk as if the rape is happening right this minute… that is what congress does not get… and every bastard up there should be made to listen… but you can not listen if you do not hear… and they do not hear the woman screaming rape… they hear only an attack against their agenda… such as it has been since the beginning of time…

Grassley, Cornum and many more in the Republican party should experience rape… it is a moment in time that changes you forever and takes from you forever and denies you forever… because of men in power… Trump is the worse of the worse on rape… but christians support these people… their god is more important than your HUMANITY…

That is the America we live in today… Nothing has changed since I was raped by a man in the Air Force in 1966…. in 79 I was raped while on active duty in the Air Force by 2 officers… then in 80 my child was raped… all at Vance Air Force base… it was more important to protect the image of the base and those in power, than it was to protect me or my child… FBI was never involved and this is a federal installation… all about men in power…

50 years of sexual abuse by our own government…. would anyone like to call me a liar, as they are doing Professor Ford??? I am not hiding anymore… I have no problem facing those I accuse…..

 But, they have a problem… ME…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember… Margie….

Rapist in America, home free…

In America you can rape someone as a teenager, but it didn’t count because you were a teenager???

I don’t get it… If we can prosecute kids as adults as young as 14…. Why can’t Kavanaugh be held accountable for what he did at 17 or at least prove he didn’t do it???

So why the disparity in our courts??? Bigotry??? Discrimination???

Or is it just powerful men, protecting powerful men…

I went through that in the Air Force after my child was raped and nearly murdered…

Powerful men, protecting powerful men…

They want women to heard… Not seen… and they want to abuse boys and girls, regardless of age and have special exceptions in our court of law???

I thought America was the land of equal opportunity, not only under the constitution, but the laws and christianity…

Guess I wore a military uniform for the elite and not the everyday American, who actually believes the constitution and what it means… but if you work in Congress, you can make rules according to your own personal agenda and the American people just have to suck it up…..

You really can not fix stupid… you really can’t… You know something… share the hell out of my story… just maybe, the moron that is in Washington that shouldn’t be there, remembers me…. even a little ole civilian like me, can put fear in the powerful… your voice, your vote…. Use it…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember… Margie….

Congress wants us to live rape over & over & over & over & over & over………

The air is ripe with the agitation of the nation… people talking in all corners of the world about how “Rape Victims in America are treated worse than the Rapist”….

Will the #MeToo movement make a difference… Will the stories of people like Oprah or Sallie Fields or children in the catholic church or dependent children of active duty military or the women in uniform who are still being raped while in service and congress does nothing but mouth words and victimize the victims all over again…

We hired the people in congress to run our country… We elected officials to run our courts and we elected officials to run our National Security without bias… but not if you are a rape victim and you accuse people in power… I know, I did it and lost my military career…. Men in power, protecting men in power and now the republican women are doing the same… Victimizing the victims and standing with the Rapist… all under the guise of justice and christianity… no truth or legal investigations into the accusations… no, it is our congress job to demoralize a “Rape Victim”… Explains why women in America like me, kept silent for decades… congress wants you to live the rape over and over and over and over and over….!!!

I hope for change, but I have my doubts… 5 decades of watching the corruption of the christian faith and our federal government decay into what it is today… that hope is fading fast… and I search for my quiet corner, away from the madness and insanity of the decaying morales of America….

I have stopped sharing this blog with all sites, except face book… I will be stopping this blog at some time, not sure when… for me, it is time to go home and prepare for what is coming… If you have that ability, you should prepare your own… the recession of 08 and the depression will have nothing on what is coming…

I have hope for all humanity… but, I know that reality is not part of that world, when religion is involved… I will never trust anyone who claims to be of any faith… mental illness can cost a life when you least expect it… and delusional people are never to be trusted, only watched… and always from the outside looking in…

I hope the smart people I follow on economics are wrong… but they weren’t before and I see the same signs… Trump has done what Putin wanted… destroyed us from within and our economy will be crippled next… then where will your Social Security or Veterans benefits come from??? They took VA benefits before, they will do it again… because of people like Trump and the GOP… but the Koch brothers and Hatch and others got their money… 

The blog served its purpose, it allowed me to get the demons out that I have walked with and played with my whole life… and I am tired of playing with them… 

The book is still there and won’t be complete, until we go back to Texas and other places I was abused… there is no one to talk too… most are dead and the few living, refuse to talk… 

The frogs are noisy tonight, those coqui are so little but so loud… the rain has come and gone, but more to be dropped… 

Life is good… I am learning I can not miss what I never had… and I never had a birth family… mother made sure of that… no matter how often I reached out, I was denied the truth… instead the truth sought me out… I hope the others find their truth before life closes the curtain…. for now….

I am free…. my abusers can no longer hurt me… they are only hurting themselves…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember… Margie…

Rape in America….

My first experience with rape, I was only 12 years old, in a stranger’s home… the guy a Staff sergeant in the Air force… and obese wife and a son and daughter… the master bedroom on the right of the hall and the daughters bedroom on the left, where I slept with the daughter, only 6 years old… he raped me… while I lay next to his child…

Sally Fields did an interview on nightlife with Diane Sawyer recently… what she said during her talk about childhood rape hit home…. the loss you feel, when your innocence is taken away… which is exactly how I felt when I was only 6 years old and my mother beat me, because she was embarrassed…. my innocence too was lost and never found again…

I get where Sally is coming from… I had my innocence taken in the name of humans god and their in ability to be adults and get help… instead they prayed away the abuse and neglect… and still do exactly that today… mental illness, so pervasive in America…

My innocence was taken first by domestic violence, then by rape…. Raped and assaulted 4 times before the age of 18 and all by Air Force personnel and one assualt in Bonita at 12…

I have much anger inside, because justice will never be served and I tell myself… I am just 1 among billions…. who will never have justice or be heard…

21st century and the Republican party are treating a rape victim with so much vulgar behavior… we are back to the Victim is the Rapist and the Rapist is the Victim… that is Christian thinking… that is mental illness in the guise of justice…

I support the Professor and her request for an investigation… The FBI was never called into Vance AFB when my child was raped… men in power, protecting men in power and our children pay for it…. much like the christians having more children for the church to abuse…. yep you can’t fix stupid…

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember… Margie….

Symptoms and Reality…

Headaches… I know I have gone through sessions before where I had lots of headaches and always in the same place in the brain and always the same symptoms, except the symptoms are getting worse….

What I deal with, is the kaleidoscope aura that will circle my vision… my vision is becoming more blurred and I know this is part of the Autonomic part of my neuropathy, with the ankylosis spondylitis in my neck from the whip-lash of the beatings and being hit upside the head by both parents and being dropped from a top bunk repeatedly…

Yep I live with headaches not of my making… you have no idea how much I wanted to give back what was given to me… instead I tried kindness and care and love and you see what I ended up with… no one has been honest yet, in fact some of my relatives are in hiding, cause they be so afraid of what I remember… self-centered to the end… the story is about Margie after all…

I am figuring it out though… doing more physical therapy exercises that help take pressure off the nerves that are generating the headaches… struggling with posture is the hardest… the muscles and nerves do not communicate with each other so it takes a conscious effort to maintain body alignment so I don’t trigger the headaches and vision issues… gets to be a little out of focus when I give in to the decaying body…

Not much you can do with what life gives you sometimes… I do make the best of it and it is worth the work and effort… I sleep better… my weight has dropped due to normal issues and not the neuropathy and the depression, again, it’s a thing of the past… gone completely… no, I will once in a while slip into my old night-shirt depression for a few moments then I take my foot out of my ass and get on with my day…. I am aware it tries to enter, but I have the key…

I know that my vision is at risk and will have to have surgery someday… until then I let Mike do the driving…. an my typing is an issue, but I am doing exercises for my left arm so that I can continue to use my hands…. so many little things I have learned to improve my quality of life… quantity, well that’s up to how long my body says I will be around….I am shooting for 100….

TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember…. Margie…